Tossing Salt Presents:
Relationship Advice Questions Part II
November 2, 2020
Remember Dear Abby and Ann Landers? Back in the day, these two ladies would offer advice and answer letters written by troubled souls. Sadly, both women have passed on to the great beyond, and while their columns continue, with others who have taken up the roles and duties, it’s just not the same. There’s a void that needs to be filled and guess what? I think I’ll take the challenge and do it. In truth, I’m probably the last person who should be advising anyone, especially when my life is such a train-wreck at times, but why let logic, facts, or common sense get in the way. I like answering questions and being helpful and this is just another way to do that, taking it to the next level.
The following questions (and this whole idea) came from watching a video on YouTube, (where else?) where a man named MikeMGTV and his friends took turns answering questions and giving advice about relationships. And if they can do it, all I can say is hold my beer. Let’s give this a try. And here you go. Since I’m writing out my answers instead of doing a video, this will be broken up into two parts, one being posted today and the other soon. And if this helps someone in the process, even better. So thanks to MikeMGTV for the idea and the questions. If I do well, maybe my loyal readers who are troubled (and if you read my stuff every day, you probably are… lol), can start sending in questions and asking for advice as well. Maybe we can make this a regular thing. We’ll see how it goes. So now, let’s get ready and do this, the debut edition of “Dear Dougie!”. And away we go.
Is having a “friends with benefit” relationship with my friend (and sometimes his girlfriend) a good idea?
Is it a good idea? I would say that depends on the friend you’re having a beneficial relationship with. If you’re able to keep it as just on a friendship level and not over-complicate with feelings, then what the hell. Go for it and have fun. It’s just a friend helping out a friend to relieve stress and pass the time away. The problems are when one person starts to take it more seriously than the other and then, it’s stressful and hard on the friendship and things get complicated. As for the girlfriend, that’s where I would draw the line. Maybe it’s just me, but if the other person is in a serious relationship, you shouldn’t be having sex with them, to begin with. And never do the threesome routine with a couple that you’re friends with unless you want to lose that friendship. It never works out. Never. Be friends with both and enjoy the friendship, but being their friend in the bedroom as well will end up damaging one or both of the friendships if you’re not careful. Humans are fickle characters and when it comes to being intimate, multiply that by a thousand. FWB is okay and cool (and sometimes very fun), but when a relationship with a third party begins, it’s time to back off and just say thanks, but no thanks instead.
My GF always tells me I’m too good for her. How do I make her feel appreciated?
She has self-esteem issues and all you can do is help her build that self-confidence. Be there and assure her that she far exceeds any expectations and is truly awesome. Billy Joel did a song called “Tell Her About It”. Listen to the song and follow the advice. It works.
Do you think it’s worth trying to date in the age of COVID?
If not now, when? Just be careful, but life goes on, and dating and meeting people is a part of life. Don’t live in fear and end up alone and depressed. Use social media to meet new people. Do whatever it takes, but play it safely as best you can. Get out there and date if that’s what you want to do.
I’ve had a crush on someone I haven’t met yet for almost seven months. Is that weird?
It’s perfectly normal, to be honest. You see the person and while you haven’t had the chance to talk to or get to know them yet, you find them fascinating and they’ve become an obsession of sorts. I have a neighbor that I don’t know and haven’t had the chance to talk to or meet yet, but every time I see him in his yard or out of his house, I can’t take my eyes off of him. Yeah, he’s hot and loves to go shirtless, but that’s beside the point. There’s something that draws my eyes and makes me want to meet him, get to know him, fantasizing about him, etc, and that’s ok. It could be if and when we meet, that two seconds speaking to him, I realize he’s an asshole. Or a bigot. Or just dumb. Maybe he doesn’t like middle-aged fat guys with Frankenstein boots? I don’t know and until I do, I just look for him when I drive by the house, hoping for a glance. It’s normal and far more common than most people would admit. Don’t stress it.
A simple rule here. If they’re under age 18, the answer is NO, don’t do it. Don’t talk about it. Don’t think about it. Just say no, or as my bro-son would say, “Don’t Do Dat!”. Once a person is of age, legal, and consenting, then anything goes unless you’re their guardian, a family member, or just a creepy, repulsive freak (and not the good kind of freak). Once a person is of age, consenting, and if they want to have sex, then the sky is the limit. But if they’re underage in any way, shape, or form, don’t be an idiot. Keep looking and move on to someone else.
I’m a twenty-year-old virgin with zero motivation to do anything. How do I like and not hate existing?
You’re depressed and need motivation and a way to deal with that depression. The virgin part, that’s not a big deal and not the important thing here. The important thing is you need to talk to someone, be it a family member, a friend, a therapist, or whoever. Deal with the depression first and find ways to motivate and inspire yourself. Being depressed is a bad and lonely feeling that no one should have to endure. Call a suicide hotline and get help. Just tell and talk to someone and focus on that.
We’ve been dating seven years, but my boyfriend isn’t out to his family. Help me.
If you’ve been together that long and he’s still not open about you and his relationship with you to his family, guess what? You’re not dating. You’re a sex partner and maybe a friend, but the relationship isn’t real or important enough to him to show you off to his family or be honest about it. He has his reasons, I’m sure, but you deserve better and he’s not the right person for you. Talk to him and find out why he won’t take that step and come out to his family. They probably already know or at least suspect if you’ve been together for seven years, but no one seems willing to make that first step and get things out into the open. I’m not sure what to tell you except that you deserve better and if he’s not willing to be open about you because of his family, then maybe he’s not the right person to try to have a relationship with. That’s up to you, but I couldn’t do it.
I want to get drunk more often, but I get hangovers very easily. What should I do?
Change up what you’re drinking until you find something that you enjoy that doesn’t have quite the hangover effect. Or smoke pot instead. No hangovers involved there.
How can you convince a gay to date you and look past your ugly?
Make him smile. Make him laugh. Show that there is far more to you than just “ugly” and as he learns more about you as a person, the physical features matter less and less. Just be yourself and if he can’t get past the ugly face or big belly or whatever, then he’s shallow and not worth the trouble of trying to mess with. If he can’t accept you for who you are, you don’t need him and should move on and do better.
And I guess that’s all for today. Thanks to MikeMGTV for the idea and questions. And thanks to you for reading. If you’d like to see more and/or have any problems you’d like a little common sense advice about, let me know. Use the comment box or message me at Doug28352@yahoo.com. I’m here to help and for you. Until the next time, take care of yourself and stay away from the crazies. Be safe. I’ll see you on the flip side.