Tossing Salt Presents:
12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas – Day 4
Bumper Cars, Flash Mobs & Home Alone
December 13, 2020
DougMaynard.com

Good morning. It is still morning, isn’t it? Yeah, just barely, but I over-slept today and feel as if I’ve wasted the entire day. Uugh! Most days, I’m up at 6:30 am, rise and shine, and then I keep going until around midnight, give or take a few minutes. It doesn’t matter if I’m working or off that day, that’s the schedule I try to keep. I still don’t have enough time to get everything accomplished that I have committed myself to, but I can generally stay on top of things despite the constant interruptions here at the house (Mom). But I fell asleep and didn’t wake back up until just a few minutes ago. Missed messages on my phone that I need to return and my head is pounding from sleeping too much. It’s going to be a day. Oy vey! Let’s do this. Day 4 right? Where is the infamous “Magic Bag”?

Here it is and now, we shall reach into the bag and figure out what the topics are for discussion as we continue in the 12 (Christmas) Days of Dougie blog series. We have Bumper Cars, Flash Mobs, and Home Alone. That’s the Christmas themed one since that movie is considered to be a holiday classic. I don’t get it, but we’ll talk about that in a moment. So now, we have the topics. Are you ready? I said… Nah, it’s not the same in the written format. Maybe I need to have Billy Gunn write it for me. Let’s have a Day of Dougie and away we go.

Bumper Cars…

Does anyone else remember ever riding the Bumper Cars at the fair or carnivals back when they were kids? It’s like driving in the parking lot at Wal-Mart, but you were actually allowed to ram into people and plow into them at maximum speeds. Do Bumper Car rides even exist anymore or have they been deemed unsafe and too dangerous for fragile little kids to enjoy and partake of? There is nothing like getting into a small car, practicing your driving skills, and ramming into five other people, jarring their bodies and spines and causing whiplash, but everyone just laughs it off and keeps on trucking. I was never actually much for these rides, but I did them and perfected the driving skills that I still use today. Well, when I actually have to drive. I prefer to let my bro-son do the driving when we’re together or else keep my trips out short and sweet. Traffic and people, in general, annoy me, and most people these days tend to drive like they’re in bumper cars. It’s not intentional as it was when riding those rides, but the drivers today are so busy on their cell phone, smoking the blunt, eating, turning up the radio, putting on make-up, and talking to their friends on Facebook Live, that paying attention to the road and traffic is just an after-thought. People are idiots and people driving are dangerous. And I’m beginning to drift off topic so let’s change the topic. Next subject, please.

Flash Mobs…

These were a big thing for a while. Do you remember when stores were getting robbed and ransacked by sudden invasions of thirty or forty pieces of thieving trash would all enter the store at one time, far too many for any employee to handle, and loot the business, cleaning it out in a matter of moments. This was pretty common a few years ago. Hell, it was common a few months ago, but it was called “peaceful protesting” and was being done by BLM, professional thugs instead of the usual amateurs. Another kind of flash mob though, one that I’m more interested in, is when a group of people, in a crowded area and with no warning to the people around them, break out and do a song, allowing the unsuspecting bystanders to join in and making it a moment for all persons involved. That’s the cool kind of flash mob and the type that I’d love to participate in at some point and time in my life. The world would be a much better place if we had more people spontaneously breaking out into song and dance sometimes, like in the movies and on music videos. One of my favorite flash mob videos was actually a set-up by a bunch of students to advertise their upcoming presentation of the musical “Rent” at their college cafeteria. It was pretty awesome and the guy doing the solo part of Seasons Of Love, he’s amazing. I’ll share the video. I want to do a musical someday. And take part in a singing flash mob. Too bad I’m old, crippled, and can’t sing all that well anymore. But I can still dream. Enjoy the video and let’s move on to the final topic.

Home Alone…

I’m sure that everyone has seen this movie about the annoying kid, played by Macaulay Culkin, named Kevin, who is left at home as his family flies to Paris for a Christmas vacation and has to fend for himself as he defends his home against two idiots who want to rob the place. As you may be able to guess, I’m not a big fan. In all honesty, it’s been over fifteen years since the last time I watched it and while I remember bits and pieces, I never really thought too highly of the movie. How can a parent forget a kid and leave him at home like that? One parent, sure, but both of them? There are a lot of plotholes in this movie, but it made over $400,000,000 at the box office and made a star out of Culkin, so I guess it can’t be all bad. If it wasn’t for the success of this movie, we never would have had “Party Monster”, the Michael Jackson “Black & White” video intro, or the movie where Culkin dies after being stung by bees. (Spoiler Alert). And the Mom was so frantic to get back to New York after realizing that she had forgotten her kid. I think she was just trying to save her own ass and not have DSS called on her for being a neglectful parent. Oh wait, that’s how things work now. Back then, it was the family’s “dirty little secret” that Ma was scatterbrained and can’t keep control of their kids, leaving them alone in the home while taking off to travel across the world. Hell, that would make a good movie. Oh wait, it did. People like the movie. People like Macaulay Culkin. And people like drinking coffee and eating sushi. Who am I to judge?

And there you go. I’m going to end it here because my main distraction has now entered the room and is talking randomly and trying to make me feel guilty for not doing something I have no desire to do so she can feel less guilty about not wanting to do it even though she promised she would. It’s a complicated story. Or maybe she’s just making lots of noise and talking excessively because she likes to annoy me. Probably a little bit of both, but it’s annoying and I think I’m going to grab a shower and leave for a bit. I picked a really bad week to quit smoking crack. Movie reference by the way and no, I don’t smoke crack. I like crack, but not that kind. Hey guys, how you doing? I’m down and gone. I’m out of here.

Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Take care of yourself and I hope that everyone has a great Christmas holiday and is making it okay. Be safe and watch out for the crazies. And if you’re feeling down, just smile to yourself and make it a Day of Dougie. Works for me and you’ll be glad you did. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Ubuntu!