Tossing Salt Presents:
Flashback: Thirty Days of Dougie (2013)
Day 8: Survey Tyme (Part A & B)
DougMaynard.com

Way back in 2013, only eight years ago but it seems like a lifetime, I did one of many “Days of Dougie” blog series. But the thing is, I didn’t have this site yet and did them on my Facebook in the “Notes” section. And now that they’re showing up in my memories on Facebook, I think it’s time to share them one more time. So here you go. For the next thirty days or so, along with the current and new stuff I post on the site, we have some flashbacks as well. You’re welcome. Now, as I once heard said in the movie “Young Guns”, “Regulators, let’s move out!”. It was something to that effect anyhow. Let’s do this.

So for today, I reach into the magic box and it says survey tyme? Ok, that’s not really a big deal because I love to do surveys. But then I went over to MySpace and was looking through my old blogs (almost 600 of them) and found an old survey that I did way back on July 11, 2009. It’s only 3 and a half years old and I really don’t feel like hunting down a new survey, filling it out and all that hoopla right now. I probably will before the day is out, but not at the moment. It’s too freakin’ early in the day and my loving family (Ma and the cat) are getting on my last nerve pretty badly. So I’m going to cheat and do a “retro” survey, re-posting the one that I found. Yeah, I’m taking the lazy way out. I do that sometimes. That’s why I’m infamous… lol. So here you go…

Thirty Days of Dougie – Part 8

January 9, 2013

 And That’s All I Have To Say About That…

 Well, I was doing this survey and it’s actually a good one – not the usual “same old” questions, but some good ones that actually required thought and consideration. So instead of doing a bulletin like I usually do, I decided that this one is “blog-worthy”. (Any survey that takes more than ten minutes to fill out usually falls in this category, by the way.)

 So here you go.

Thanks to Ernie…

~ What is the most disgusting thing you have ever seen?

This one is hard – I’ve seen some pretty nasty and disgusting stuff over the years – 25 years of working with the public (mostly on 3rd shift) and nothing surprises me or freaks me out anymore. I’ve walked in on people having sexual relations, seen walls caked in crap (literally), watched people vomit and crap all over themselves, seen people doing things that people should never do and dress in ways that people should never dress, etc.

But two things that stand out the most in my head are (1) a very large woman than was beyond ugly – in attitude as well as appearance – and she was packing an easily 300plus pound body into a skimpy outfit made for a petite 9-year old – and everything (and I do mean everything) was hanging out and exposed for the world to see. I vomited in my mouth several times that night at the sight, but I do pride myself in that I was professional and kept myself from throwing up as I waited on her and got her quickly and through the line and out of my store. But she was a rude acting person, to say the least, and when she bent over in the candy aisle, the term “full moon” doesn’t even come close. No one should ever have to witness that and I could feel my eyes melting away inside my skull (or wanting to anyhow).

 The other thing (2) was seeing this guy I know – he’s a little older than me, a very smart young man, who had it all – a good job, married to a great girl with two adorable young children – “R” was the picture-perfect example of everything going right and having a great life. That was about five years ago. But he started smoking crack and the fall came fast and furious. He ended up losing the job, doing time in prison for breaking into cars, lost the wife and kids when she told him either the drugs or the family – he chose the drugs – and right now, he has absolutely nothing. I saw him a few weeks ago – he came by the store and was bugging customers and begging for money. I told him he had to leave and he asked me if I had any money to loan him – and said he’d do ANYTHING if I could help him out. I looked at this man and remembered what he was – and saw what he is now. I had to choke back the emotion and tell him to leave before I called the police. And that really sucked – he was such a cool dude and had everything – and lost everything. And he’s still digging that hole and getting in deeper and deeper. That had to be the saddest (and most disgusting) thing I’ve ever seen. 

 ~ What is your favorite bathroom reading material?

Whatever’s handy, but I prefer comics usually..

~ They say little things mean a lot… What’s the “little thing” that means the most to you?

Just simple courtesy and respect from people – is it really too much to ask for a “thanks” or “take care” or “good morning” from some of these customers. I try to make it a point to speak to all of my customers and at least say “hi” and “thanks” and they just get all huffy and snappy – and look at you like you’re a piece of crap and then snatch their change. I know it’s a lot to ask in today’s world, but would saying “thanks” really kill anyone? Or if that’s not the appropriate answer, I have one more “little thing” that means a lot to me – “your boyfriend”. Yeah, he’s not the biggest fish in the sea, but anything more than a mouthful is a waste anyhow and he’s kind of fun anyhow. = )

~ What is your biggest peeve regarding your job?

The customers. That’s simple enough, but actually, for right now, there is something even more annoying than the customers – and that’s management. We’ve been told at work to clock out immediately when our relief (the next shift) arrives. NO OVERTIME or we face termination. But when we get off the register, we’re also expected to door our floor work, fill the drink boxes, empty trash cans. But there is no way possible to do most of that stuff during the shift – it’s just too busy (especially during the day) and if we leave the stuff undone, we face write-ups and possible termination. And there is a big old sign on the door that says to never work off the clock or we face termination. So we have to clock out immediately or we’re terminated, but we can’t leave our work undone or we’re terminated and if we work off the clock to do it, we’re terminated, but if we stay on the clock, we’re risking OT and we’re terminated. So no matter how it goes, based on what my supervisor is demanding, we’re going to be terminated. And they wonder why morale is getting so low at the Hellmouth. They’re impossible to please and unrealistic in management. Let them come down and try to do the jobs we do and see if they can do it according to their guidelines – they couldn’t – and no one can. But we’re expected to or we face write-ups and termination. Oh vey! 

~ What is one thing that happened today that made you sit back, smile, sigh, and think, “Life is good…”?

Today has been a crappy day – but I did talk to Cal for a few minutes this morning and he made me smile – I’ve found a definite good one here and I love the guy. And just the fact that he’s putting up with my crazy-ass and we’ve managed to get as far as we have, despite the bullshit, the outside interference, the lies, and the drama are pretty amazing. If I have one special and great thing in my life right now, he’s it.

 ~ Who is one celebrity that you are usually embarrassed to admit you have a “thing” for?

Well, I do kind of like that Sham-Wow guy and that’s pretty rough to admit, I must say.

 ~ What is your favorite mode of transportation?

Teleportation – the act of disappearing from one spot and instantly appearing in another. And no, I’ve never done it and I don’t think, except for comics, TV, books, and movies that anyone has. But the whole concept and idea strike me as cool and if I can choose my method of transport, that’s the way I want to do it. But if you want me to be realistic (how boring) – how about via the car (preferably, your boyfriends….lol).

~ Have you ever cried over any celebrity deaths? 

Not on the outside, although I must admit that when Michael Jackson died, I shed a few tears on the inside and when I watched his daughter speak on the TV memorial, I think I may have felt a tear roll down my face. It did depress me when Johnny Carson died and when Waylon passed away because I realized that they were special and truly iconic figures in the entertainment world and their particular types of genres would never be the same. The same goes for Sinatra, Johnny Cash, etc. I may have shed a tear when Owen Hart died, but that would be more shock than anything else – it was so unexpected. And if anything ever happens to Alice Cooper or Ric Flair, I expect to lose a lot of tears that day.

~ Name one of your friends/acquaintances whom you respect/admire who probably doesn’t know you respect/admire them.

Youngblood – my “brother” in so many ways. We have our differences of opinion on many things, but I have to give Mike credit for chasing his dreams and not letting anyone or anything get in his way. He knew early on he was going to be a professional wrestler and he’s never looked back – through the Indy scene, the WWF, Puerto Rico, Japan, etc, and now with his own promotion, WrestleKing III. He’s been all over the world and lived his dream again and again. And I just admire and respect his determination, his tenacity, the ambition that never dies. I wish I had the guts and balls to do that – chase my dreams and buck the system in pursuit of that elusive pot of gold, but I was always too cautious and too conventional and stayed close to home. Mike has never stopped and never looks back and I respect and admire the hell out of him for that.

~ Do you ever wave your hand in front of the automatic doors at the grocery store and pretend you’re using “The Force” to open them?

 Nope, I’ve never done that. I have used my “powers of the mind” (aka telekinesis) to open those automatic doors a few times though.

~ Have you ever had a Friend with Benefits?

 This is a necessity in life. My man, for reasons I can’t go into, can’t be here. But a man has needs and anxieties and well, needs – and what better way than to find a “FWB” to help out. It’s no more than giving a foot massage or a back-rub – you have an ache or pain and as a friend, it’s my place and job to help relieve the tension and stress and make it better. And they do the same for me. Some people can’t get into the concept, I know, but I approve of it and encourage it greatly. Just so long as both yourself and the other person can keep it straight that it’s a “use ’em, abuse ’em and send their ass home” type deal – with no strings except for mutual relief – and no one screws it up by getting “feelings”, it’s the ideal situation for a person. If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. And I do.

~ What is the worst gift you’ve ever received?

My “Christmas Bonus” from Dairy Mart one year – a certificate for a free quart of egg nog. And no, I’m not kidding. A multi-million dollar corporation with (at the time) over 900 stores – and the only bonus they could give us for Christmas was… a quart of egg nog. And we didn’t even sell egg nog at my store…lol. No wonder they ended up going bankrupt and closing almost 400 stores just a year or so later.

~ What has been the best job you’ve ever had?

Definitely my time at the “Dairy Mart” – I worked there from 1985 – 1987 and then again from 1991 – 2000 and it was the greatest job I ever had. I generally made out the schedules and picked my own hours. I worked with my friends and it was pretty much anything goes, party all the time atmosphere. If those walls could talk, I know of several people who would probably be in trouble and maybe be in jail, but it was never boring. There was always something happening there and there are so many stories to tell, not from just myself, but so many different people. I was a cashier, a store manager, a deli-manager, and went to many places to work (Wilmington, Greensboro, Southern Pines, Tennessee, Graham) as well as my home store of Laurinburg. It was the ultimate c-store job and when we were closed down (as part of corporate restructuring – they closed all of NC and Tennessee), I was heartbroken. And I still miss that place.

~ What has been the worst job you’ve ever had?

 Kangaroo Express – I worked the 3rd shift there from 2004 – 2008 and it was a war-zone every single night. Bad customers, drunks, thieves, backstabbing fellow employees, and bad pay. The only good thing was that it was a job and they didn’t mind paying out over time. And we did have some great people working there too among the bad ones -I made some good friends with Pam, Angel, Miss Peggy, Ben, etc. But eventually, the fighting and arguing and fearing for my life got old and it was time to leave – and being lied about so they could fire me when I started asking too many questions and not playing along like a mindless sheep, which was all they wanted – it’s all taken its toll. I was so relieved to leave that shithole – and I just wish I had done it three years earlier.

 ~ Who was your childhood hero?

I was a wrestling fan growing up (surprise!) and my heroes at the time were the men I saw on TV every week – Blackjack Mulligan, Ric Flair, The Masked Superstar, Johnny Weaver, Jimmy Valiant (who would have thought he’d turn out to be such an ass when I finally met him) and Ole Anderson. And I also wanted to be Hawkman.

 ~ Who is the fictional character with whom you most closely identify?

 Dante, from the movie “Clerks”. I’ve got a combination of Dante’s “defeatist” attitude and Randall’s mouth in me and I’ve always said that “Clerks” is an autobiographical film about me – they just didn’t realize it at the time. 

 ~ What is the most sound piece of advice you’ve ever been given?

Hmmm! This is a hard one. How about “Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!”. It’s from a classic Ole Anderson promo from years ago and although it’s not really great advice to live by or use to shape your life, it is kind of catchy. And since Ole was kind of scary at the time, it’s stuck in my mind after all of these years. 

 ~ Is there something you thought you’d never like when you were little, but you like it now

 Salads – I’ve never been a big fan of the green stuff. I like meat – and lots of it. (Get your minds out of the gutter, you pervs!). But for some reason, over the past 6 months or so, I’ve become a big fan of eating salads. Maybe it’s a last-ditch effort to get healthy and lose weight (and it’s not working if it is) or maybe it’s just the simplicity of it all – rip up lettuce, toss in some bacon bits and salad dressing and munch – but I’m turning to the green. 

~ Your top three peeves?

People at work, people at home, and people in general. How’s that?

 Any thoughts or comments are welcome. And don’t forget to give a Nigga his kudos too…lol. = )

*****

Thirty Days Of Dougie – Part 8B – Survey Tyme II

Okay, I kind of cheezed off my responsibilities this morning. My “30DD” blog was supposed to be a survey of some sort since I drew the words “Survey Tyme” from the magic box. And I did the slacko thing of posting an old survey from almost four years ago that I found over at MySpace. {groan} Yeah, it’s a fun read, but it’s not what I said that I was going to do – be creative and original with something NEW each and every day. 

 So I went and found another survey to quickly do. It’s short (only twenty questions) and fun and by doing it here and now, I have fulfilled my contractual obligations for today’s post. Yep, cause that’s how I roll niggas… lol. So here’s Part II of the “Survey Tyme” piece. And the whole “Thirty Days of Dougie” project… We just keep keeping on.

 InFamousTV 4 Lyfe!

 Thirty Days of Dougie – Part 8B: “Survey Tyme II”

January 9, 2013

What was the first thing you did this morning?

I woke up…

What is your favorite cereal?

Fruit Loops…

 Would you rather marry a millionaire that is unfaithful or a middle-class worker that only has eyes for you?

A millionaire – that way we could both afford to have our “friends with benefits”…. I’ve tried love, now show me the money!

 Would you rather have a job that requires the strength of the body or the mind?

 Of the mind… I detest physical labor.

 How old were you when you had your first kiss?

I think I was like 9 and had no idea what was going on… Then it happened again when I was 14 and I was still pretty clueless… lol.

 If you were the opposite sex for a day, what would be the first thing you’d do?

Probably end up pregnant… lol

 What is the scariest thing that has ever happened in your life (that you can share)?

 Having a gun pointed in my face while being robbed (the good old days at Dairy Mart)…. lol. The idiot ended up dropping all the money and ran face-first into the door (pull – not push) – didn’t get anything and looked like a dumb-ass… lol

Would you ever consider plastic surgery?

I don’t see why I would need it right now but never say never…

 What skill do you feel is stronger: your math skills or your English skills?

I’m actually pretty good at both math and English… I think my English skills are slightly stronger though.

Are you following the Presidential race?

From start to finish… Romney was a very weak candidate and deserved to lose, but Obama is a total f*ck-up as President and we’re screwed!

Do you consider yourself more of a liberal or a conservative?

Liberal on social issues (gay marriage, etc) and conservative when it comes to economic and foreign matters.

 If you could spend a day in another person’s body, living their life; who would it be and why?

 I would be K-Mak…. cause he’s InFamous and he’s my role model… lol

 If you had to choose, would you rather be blind or deaf?

 Deaf – I’m a writer and it’d be hard to write if I couldn’t see what I was writing… Being deaf would definitely suck too!

Who is the one person who can always make you laugh?

I’ll name three – Kenneth, Keri & Kayden – my La Krew Familia

If you and a member of the opposite sex were the last people on earth, but they looked like Cruella Deville and Mister Ed had a baby, would you procreate? (Just to populate the earth)?

I’m gay so no matter how good or bad she looks, the creature woman ain’t gonna be able to do a damn thing for me. I think the earth’s population is pretty much screwed.

What are you passionate about?

My friends, my writing, wrestling, sexual encounters, writing, etc.

Do you believe in abortion?

I’m not a woman nor will I ever get a woman pregnant so I don’t think what I believe really matters here. However, I think that the whole abortion issue is something that should be a decision of the mother, the father, and their doctor. It’s not for me to judge..

 Imagine you’re an inmate waiting on death row. What would you request for your last meal?

Hamburger, taters (from Nic’s), an egg roll, and some banana pudding… 

What is the one trait that is mandatory in a potential partner?

Creativity and a sense of humor are definite musts. And a great package… lol

 Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

 Hopefully still alive and breathing… Working a part-time (2 days a week) job for some c-store because I like doing it and living off the money I made during the InFamous revolution working with Ken and Keri and from my books/scripts / short stories/fics, etc. Cal will be with me still and we’ll be living in a nice sized condo down in Wilmington, NC. And I’ll still have this damn cat running around and driving me crazy.

And there you go. Have a great day!

Ubuntu!