(Flashback)Thirty Days of Dougie (2013) – Sesame Street, Smoking & Hypocrisy…

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Flashback: Thirty Days of Dougie (2013)
Sesame Street, Smoking & Hypocrisy
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Thirty Days of Dougie – Part 14: Sesame Street, Smoking and Hypocrisy

It’s Day 14 of the “Thirty Days” piece. One more to go and I’ll be half-way finished. Thank goodness because this has been a weird and whacked out journey thus far. So far, I’ve talked about true friends, public behavior, butts, my job, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, cell phones, “Let Me Hold Something”, did a survey, wrote wrestling predictions for TNA and so much more. And I’m not even warmed up yet. I’ve always thought that I wanted to be a professional writer but coming up with something fresh and different every single day is a task that I may not be quite cut out for. Or then again, maybe I am and I just haven’t hit my groove and found that “happy place” yet after so many months of not writing anything but letters to my true love and better half and the occasional shopping list or personal ad for Craigslist. 

Okay, I’m kidding about that. I don’t write shopping lists. 

But what was I saying? I’m just like Stella here and just starting to get my groove back. (And by the way, I know it’s supposed to be a movie or something, but who the hell is Stella and how did she lose her “groove” in the first place?) It’s probably under the couch. For some reason, every time I lose something, that’s where it ends up being. Just saying. It’s coming back slowly, but surely. And I need to quit complaining about how “hard” it is and how much of an effort I’m making here to write every day and entertain you, my Peeps! I’m just being a whiney bitch. I’ll get over it. 

And let’s get this intro paragraph over with now and move on. It’s Day 14 and this is “Thirty Days of Dougie”, a “Tossing Salt Media, Inc” production and sponsored by the one and only InFamousTV. Go find us and like us on Facebook. The link is on my profile page. It’s about to get real, my homies. The time for fun and games is nearly at an end and K-Mak and K-Dawg are ready to set the world on fire. And yes, even I will be making the occasional appearance on camera as well. Just like those crazy-ass ECW icons, the bWo, we’ve got three words for you: “We’re taking over!” ‘Nuff said! 

And now, let’s reach into the magic box and draw out three slips of paper so I can pick and choose my topic for today. Our choices are: “Hypocrisy”, “Sesame Street” and “smoking”… Damn, what a choice. I think I’ll go with Sesame Street and then if I have time, I’ll briefly touch on the other two as well. 

 WHAT? Did I just suggest another “triple-threat” column with three different topics? Yeppers, I surely did because that’s how I roll. So let’s go grab a drink from the kitchen, turn off that damn cell phone (I hate those things), and get ready to crank this mutha up. I’m Doug and this is my world. Welcome to it!

Thirty Days of Dougie – Part 14: Triple Threat Tyme (Sesame Street, Smoking and Hypocrisy)…

January 15, 2013

Let’s just right into it with the world’s koolest street party that’s been going on for almost 45 years. Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? Like most children of my generation, shows like Sesame Street, The Electric Company, Zoom (remember that one?), and of course, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, were the shows that we watched and learned from. Forget about this modern-day crap like “Dora The Explorer” or “Spongebob”. We have live actors interacting with muppets and damn it all, it was good stuff. We got to see such fine outstanding characters as Grover, Cookie Monster, Bert and Ernie, Big Bird, Count Von Count, and so many others. And we learned the A-B-C’s, how to count, how to interact with other children, and most importantly, how to use our imaginations. 

 And then, HE came and joined the show. Well, first Mr. Hooper passed away and that was a major blow to the show. Who doesn’t like an old man who gives small children candy? Back then, it was a good thing. Now, we would be calling 911 and reporting his wrinkled old ass to the police department. But after Mr. Hooper was gone, they brought in that whiney-ass, hyperactive little freak, Elmo. And Sesame Street was never, ever, the same again.

 I don’t like Elmo! He creeps me out big time. And I blame him and Barney the Dinosaur (who is such a flaming homo, it’s not even funny. Talk about potential child molesters… Geez!) for destroying the imaginations and spirits of the youth of America. Check the timelines. Back when Sesame Street had Kermit and Oscar the Grouch as their primary muppet characters, children were more respectful. Music actually had meaning to its lyrics and not just “slap dat’ bitch up” and “my ho’s”. Rap didn’t exist. People wore their pants ABOVE the hips and the ass wasn’t being constantly exposed. People read books! Children played outside and participated in sports and group activities. And then they brought in HIM and the world went totally to hell.

 It’s Elmo’s fault that kids today are such obnoxious little ass-clowns. That a goof like Obama could be elected President (twice). That the world’s greatest sport, professional wrestling, evolved into “sports entertainment”. And that I’m here alone while the man that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with is sitting just a couple of miles away, but we can’t be together. Damn that little high-pitched voice, red-furred little emo-gremlin. Damn him to hell!

Oh wait, he lives and works on PBS. He’s already there. Never mind! Let’s move on.

Smoking: I don’t do it often, but when I’m drinking a lot, or stressing a lot (and usually if I do one, I’m also doing the other. For some reason, those two activities generally go together), I like to light up on a cigarette and puff away. I know they’re not good for you. And yes, they do stink to high hell and back. Few things smell worse to me than the smell of someone who just reeks of tobacco and stale smoke. It clings to them and people who would otherwise be attractive end up smelling like a wet ashtray. Yuck!

And talk about looking like a dumb-ass! Some people have that presence and know-how to smoke and still look kool. But let’s be honest. Those people are very few and very far between. Most people, when they have that cigarette hanging out of their mouths, bobbing back and forth as they speak, look like total dip-wad pinheads. Of course, then again, most people (at least the ones that I deal with) are total dip-wad pinheads so maybe it’s not a bad thing after all? Hmmmm?

Anyhow, I don’t like people that smoke around children. And don’t blow your stinky-ass smoke in my face (unless you’re incredibly sexy and I know it) because that annoys the heck out of me. But I won’t condemn or criticize anyone for smoking (not any more than I already have… lol). As long as you’re legal and can afford to support your habit without having to depend on me to keep you up, it’s all good. If you keep having to ask me to buy you a pack or bring you a cig, maybe you need to find a new habit. But anyhow, smoke ’em if you got ’em. 

And now on to hypocrisy. That’s why I can’t criticize smoking all that much. Because even though I don’t smoke often, I do find it relaxing and calming, and for me to be critical of something that I do (even rarely) would be hypocritical and also just downright rude too. That would be like the people I work with complaining about trash not being taken out or coolers not being done or bathrooms not being cleaned when they don’t do it either. Oh, wait, that happens almost every day at my store. Ummm, let me try another example.

That would be like someone going back and telling everything that they witness that is wrong and/or not being done correctly when they don’t do what they’re supposed to do either and are pretty much clueless to is supposed to be done. They don’t know what they’re doing, but they have a compulsion to go back and tell everything and anything that does happen, making themselves out to be oh so totally awesome in the process. No, that’s not hypocrisy. That’s called being a two-faced ass-clown. But enough about Miss Thang. 

 That would be like me complaining about people who talk on cell phones and ignore everyone and everything going on around them and that text and drive when I do the exact same thing. Wait a second. I don’t talk on my cell phone around people. I put it down and wait until I’m alone to talk or text. And I don’t text and drive either. So I’m not a hypocrite. 

Oh well, you know what a hypocrite is and yes, we all have them in our lives. And yes, I admit that there might be one or two things that I’m a bit of a hypocrite on as well. What can I say? I’m only human (although I am an incredibly sexy beast of a human and I’m awesome as well… lol). But none of us are perfect. We all are hypocrites on something and if you don’t think you are, think again. 

And I’m going to close on that because I need to go take a shower and get to steppin’. It’s almost time to go do Food Lion and take care of some other bid’ness. So I’ll see you tomorrow as we do the half-way mark for “Thirty Days”. I’m Doug and I’m out.

Ubuntu!

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