Tossing Salt Presents:
25 Weird & Wacky Questions Survey
August 3, 2021
DougMaynard.com

I found a weird and wacky survey to do. Yeah, I love to answer questions and I have no shame. Read and enjoy. Comments and thoughts are welcome. Let’s do this.

If Comedy Central wanted to “roast” you, who would you want to be on the panel of Roasters?

Of course, my bro-son K-Mak and his incredible other half, the ever so awesome A-Mak, would be there. Lisa Lampanelli, aka “The Queen Of Mean” would be there as well. Gilbert Gotfreid, Missy Hyatt, James E. Cornette, Alice Cooper, Lisa “Ivory” Moretti & Juventud Guerrera would also be there to fill out the roster. And my boss-man, Bill Bill, a definite must as well.

Describe your dream house?

Go watch Dark Shadows and look at Collinwood. And there you go.

Thoughts on the suspension of Sha’Carri Richardson and her not being allowed to participate in the 2021 Olympics?

This is old news, but it’s just this simple. She knew that smoking pot was banned. She did it anyway. And then she was busted and suspended for thirty days as per the rules in place that she knew of before smoking and testing positive. She did something she knew was wrong and against the rules and got busted and had to deal with the consequences. It’s just that simple. Too bad she will miss the Olympics because of this, but her decision to break the rules that were in place and thus, she has no one to blame but herself.

Do the Village People belong in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?

Absolutely. I would say yes.

Who is your favorite boy band?

I’m still a big fan of the New Kids On The Block as well as the Backstreet Boys, so I guess I would say NKOTBSB. And there you go.

What is just never going to happen and why?

I will probably never be truly happy and as for why, because it’s not in my destiny or future.

What is a food that everyone loves, but you don’t?

Tomatoes. They just don’t look right to me.

What isn’t allowed in your house?

Liberal stupidity, liars, crack-heads, and people who don’t know who Waylon is. We don’t allow that kind of negativity here.

Who is the most over-rated person in history?

Barack Obama. He’s a clown and two-bit shyster joke.

When did you realize you were getting old?

When I looked into the mirror and saw an old man looking back at me.

What’s the worst teacher you’ve ever had and why?

Either Mrs. Wright at Scotland High School, who was usually drunk and spent the majority of the class swaying on her stool at the front of the classroom, or Linda Douglas, again at Scotland High School, who was very prejudiced and racist and didn’t bother to hide it. I had her for creative writing and her bitterness towards white people was so blatant and obvious, it was amazing.

Is ‘be yourself’ about the worst advice you can give to people? Why?

Yeah, because me, uncensored, is weird, and it would be hard for people who don’t know me to take me at first. Better to put on an image and be on good behavior, at least until the first meeting is over and people have a chance to get to know me better.

If you had to be a teacher what subject would you teach and why?

How about creative writing? I’m a pretty creative guy.

What are things that society has lost as a result of advanced internet/technology?

The ability to interact in person, one on one real communication, and for people to spend time with other people rather than looking at a machine all the time. Human interaction and relationships are a thing of the past.

What’s the most relatable movie/tv show quote?

“I’m not even supposed to be here today!” – Clerks

Who’s more powerful? Samantha (from Bewitched) or Jeanie from I Dream Of Genie?

Both are immensely powerful and yet both have major limitations on what they can or can’t do despite their powers. I think it comes down to the situation, but if push comes to shove, I’ll go with Samantha Stephens.

Paper or plastic?

I prefer paper.

Best job you ever had? Worst job you ever had?

Either Dairy Mart (because of the people I worked with) or my current job at the ABC store is easily the best ones I’ve had. And Kangaroo Express, followed by my last stint at Nic’s Pic Kwik, were the two worst.

Favorite vampire?

Either Count Von Count from Sesame Street or Barnabas Collins, from Dark Shadows. Both are ‘tres cool!

If you were to hold a music festival, what six bands/singers would you like to have made an appearance and perform?

I guess they’d have to be alive so that leaves out most of my favorites like Waylon, Bowie, Johnny Cash, Queen, Sublime, etc. So what six current singers or bands would I have? Alice Cooper would be the headliner and I’d have Struggle Jennings (and by association, his family of his daughter, Mom, Grandma, Uncle Shooter, and musical partners Jelly Roll & Yelawolf) would be tagging along. Betty Wright & Rickie Lee Jones would be numbers three and four. Steve Grand would be invited and to round things out, I’d want the Hip Hop Spellcaster, Mr. Andy Singer, aka Soce the Elemental Wizard, as the MC and host of the evening. And if Kid Rock wanted to show up, he’d be welcome as well as a surprise for the fans.

What are your top three pet peeves?

People, places & things.

Finish this sentence. America is… ?

The greatest country in the world and the land of my birth and heritage. We have bad politicians and some major issues at times, but there is no place I’d rather be.

What are your favorite parts of the male and female anatomy?

For men, I like butts. For women, I like boobs. And for both genders (and there are only two genders, male and female), I am fascinated and love eyes.

What’s a favorite childhood memory?

Going to Ohio and spending time with my two favorite cousins, Clint and Cliff, when I was a young lad.

Favorite holiday food?

Turkey. It’s not just for holidays and Thanksgiving anymore. I love me some bird.

And there you go. I’m through now. Thanks for reading. As I said earlier, thoughts, comments, and any questions are welcome. Until the next time, I’ll see you later. Stay safe and I’ll see you on the flip side. Take care.

Ubuntu!