Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper V
Relax, Presents, Eating & More
August 15, 2021
DougMaynard.com

On Twitter, there is a man named Tyler Casper who likes to ask questions. I like to answer them. And now, here we are. It’s the 5th edition of the second time around for Questions By Casper. Let’s do this.

How far would you get on “Jeopardy”?

I may make it to the auditions, but the first time I call someone a dumbass or say mother-fucker, it wouldn’t take long and I’d get the boot and told to leave.

Have you ever apologized for something you didn’t do?

I probably have to make things right or keep the peace in a relationship, but I used to do that and be a nicer person than I am now. Now, I rarely apologize for the things I have done so to apologize for something I haven’t done, it just isn’t going to happen.

Have you ever told someone to “just relax”?

Yeah, but you know how those straight boys are. It was his first time with a guy and he was nervous. He relaxed though and I rocked his world.

How do you relax?

By writing, by driving, by petting and talking to my cat, and by rocking a cute guy’s world.

What do you use for tp when you run out and it’s go time?

I use paper towels, napkins, or hop in the shower and use soap and water. I can not have a dirty booty.

Are you a prude?

I don’t think so, but it would probably depend upon who you ask and the situation.

Do you care about being PC?

Look who you’re asking. I can behave when necessary like at work or at a gathering, but being PC is not something I can ever be accused of.

What is the best Christmas present you’ve ever gotten?

Probably my cat Stinky. My brother and his friend decided that I needed a cat and brought him to him roughly a week or so before Christmas. He was so tiny and loud. I had him for 19 years.

What is the best birthday present you’ve ever gotten?

I had a friend greet me at the door naked and wearing nothing but a bow on his head. That was cool. Also, a journal was given to me by Theresa, Alex, Carl, and Jennifer. That was many years ago and I wrote in it faithfully until it filled up.

What is something that you do when you’re trying to stay awake?

Look at my phone, harass my friends on IM, read, or talk to my cat.

What’s a great drinking song?

Just put on anything by Hank Jr. or David Allen Coe and it’ll work.

What do you call someone who doesn’t like Johnny Cash?

A stupid idiot.

Do you ever drink straight from the carton?

Not usually, but if there isn’t much left in the carton or it’s late at night, it’s been known to happen.

Have you ever eaten squid?

Yes, but I didn’t know what it was. A friend of mine, Wakana, had fixed it and told me to “try this!” And so I did.

Have you ever eaten crocodile or alligator?

It was in beef jerky form, but yes, I have.

Have you ever eaten shark?

I don’t think so, but I’d be willing to try.

Have you ever eaten an ostrich egg?

Not that I’m aware of, but if you add some bacon and cheese and cook it up for me, I’ll give it a shot.

Why didn’t zebras get domesticated?

Because zebras are actually mean as fuck and ain’t gonna do that “ride me” bullshit. They’d rather just kick and bite you.

Have you ever ridden a horse?

Only on the Merry Go Round. Have you seen the teeth on those things. Hell to the no. Beautiful animals to be sure, but Dougie ain’t riding that.

And there you go. My thanks to Casper for the questions. Go check out Mr. Casper on Twitter at @ghostly_host. Follow him. You’ll be glad you did. And with that, take care of yourself and stay good. I’ll see you on the flip side. Take care.

Ubuntu!