Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie (Rapid Fire Edition)
Masks, Friends, Cheese Doodles & Much More
August 25, 2021
DougMaynard.com

Welcome to a late-night edition of a Day of Dougie. Should I just call this A Night of Dougie instead? Nah, it doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well and as your ex-boyfriend call tell you, I’m all about rolling that tongue whenever possible. Right now, I’m waiting for the dryer to finish up so I can fold clothes and then go to bed. It’s been a helluva long day. It started off with a Doctor’s appointment and bad news about the infection in my foot. He (the doctor) took a culture and set me up an appointment with a local surgeon for another opinion, but he didn’t sound too optimistic or positive. He did crack a few corny dad-jokes, but that was to lighten the mood. It wasn’t a good visit.

And now I want to go to bed, but I have to make sure I have clothes to wear to work in the morning. Laundry day sucks! So while we wait, we’ll go rapid-fire with topics from the Magic Bag and the first thoughts and comments that come to mind as I draw each topic out of the bag. This should be fun so are you ready? Let’s do this and away we go.

Remote Control: I don’t know where it is and to be honest, I don’t really care. I hardly ever even watch television anymore and unlike most people, I know how to push buttons by hand and change the channels and volume. Sometimes being a dinosaur is a good thing.

Masks: We all wear them, both literally with the pandemic bullshit and mandates and in dealing with people, life, circumstances. No one sees the entire real deal, but only a projection of what we allow them to see. Everything else is masked. We’re wearing a mask. I hate these damn face masks, the literal ones we’re supposed to wear. The other ones though are the illusions we present for self-preservation and to maintain the narrative we wish to present to the world at large. They’re not quite so bad.

Milk Shakes: I could sure use a Frosty right now. I remember the days when Bryan, Jackson, and I used to live for those damn things. They were good, both the Frostys and the days. I’m getting nostalgic here.

Obsession: Isn’t that a cologne? When it involves the right person, it’s also a lifestyle. It’s kind of a creepy one, but there are a few good points as well.

Dreams: Most of mine as of late would more likely be considered nightmares. It’s been a rough ride as of late and I’m feeling it, but it’s going to get better.

Gloves: Why did Michael Jackson only wear one glove? I guess he only had one hand that got cold or else he just didn’t want to catch something by shaking hands. I hate wearing gloves. I like to press the flesh and do a proper handshake. Maybe that’s just me.

The ’70s Nostalgia: Remember Stretch Armstrong and Big Jim? How about the Super Friends or Donny & Marie? If you do, that’s the ’70s and you’re old.

Fighting Friends: Friends are allowed to disagree and fight. That’s part of life and any relationship. The thing is to not let the fight overpower or destroy the friendship. Just get it out there, get over it, and makeup to continue forward with the power that is love and friendship. It’s not always easy to do, but when I think of some friendships that I’ve had in the past that ended over the most stupid of arguments or fights, I realize how crazy it truly is. A true friend is worth fighting for even if you have to fight against them sometimes. Arguments are okay, but keep the love and respect there are well. You’ll be glad you did. I wish I had.

Cheese Doodles: I like them, but they’re too damn messy. I hate orange fingers. Do I look like Donald Trump to you? He’s got money and nice suits. Me, not so much.

Creatures Of Habit: A nice regular routine is a good thing. I don’t like surprises or change and I like to stay on track and follow a familiar pattern each day. It works best for me. Others, maybe not quite so much, but I prefer it that way.

Jackass: Look at our political leaders? This term fits them so well. Of course, so does dishonest, liars, hypocrites, pieces of crap, Pedos (specifically Sleepy Joe), drunk (I’m looking at you Nancy), cackling idiots (Kamala), or Auntie Crazy-Pants (Maxine). But as a group, with no offense intended towards mules and the four-legged variety of animals, jackass is a good way to describe that mass of human waste.

Puddles Pity Party: What do you call a 7-foot clown with the voice of velvet magic? We call him Puddles Pity Party and this man is damn good.

Swamp Thing: It’s a character from DC Comics and a soon-to-be movie or series if I’ve heard correctly. Maybe it already was? It’s also a cool way to describe career politicians in Washington DC… and Raleigh… and Laurinburg. Where is a good weed-killer when you need one?

And my dryer has stopped so I think it’s time to end this and go to bed. Well, I have to fold clothes first, but that won’t take long. So that’s all for tonight. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, and questions are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, stay safe and remember who loves you, baby. (Obscure Kojak reference.) I’ll see you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!