Tossing Salt Presents:
5 Questions
Celebrities, Borders & More
August 31, 2021
DOugMaynard.com

This world is full of questions. I see many questions every day on Facebook and Twitter (when I’m not under a suspension, that is). And here is where I answer them, five at a time. Let’s do this.

Who was your first big celebrity crush? Be completely honest. Nothing can be too embarrassing.

Nothing can be too embarrassing? When your first celebrity crush is Donny Osmand, I’m not so sure about that. Yeah, I liked Mr. Puppy Love himself. He was cute, safe, and such an obvious closet case, I just couldn’t resist. Of course, I was a stupid, naive, ten-year-old kid who didn’t know enough yet to even qualify to be a closet-case so what did I know, right? I just know that Donny was easy on the eyes and make me feel all warm and fuzzy in the tum-tum. Here’s Donny singing a song. Enjoy.

Which 70+-year-old celeb would you have sex with?

As meaning what famous old fart would be paying me to meet Little Dougie up close and personal? How about Betty White? She’s nearly a hundred years old, but it’s freakin’ Betty White. Can’t go wrong there. Oh wait, I’m gay. So Betty probably wouldn’t be happy with me, or I wouldn’t be happy with her. Same thing really. So how about Mick Jagger? He’s 78 years old and in better shape than most twenty-five-year-olds. And it’s Mick Jagger. What more reason would anyone need?

Do you have a favorite nursery rhyme?

The first thing that came to mind was this classic by Andrew Dice Clay.

Little Boy Blue
He needed the money!

Why are our borders STILL open?

Because the idiot in the White House and the two morons in charge of each part of Congress don’t want the borders closed and are fighting any actions taken to ensure such an event from happening. Open borders mean more potential voters to help them remain in power. You and I both know that illegal aliens can’t vote, but Nancy Drinks-A-Lot, Scheming Chucky Schumer, and the Pedo-In-Cheif are doing their best to change that too. Chaos keeps corruption in control. Remember that.

When was the last time you felt elated?

I think there was a time back in 1997.No wait, it was 2014 when the man I was in love with at the time came home to stay after a long absence. True, it quickly fell apart and ending up becoming one of the worst nightmares I’ve ever experienced, even worse than Detroit, but the beginning was surreal and felt damn good. Also when my best friend/bro-son married a very special young lady a couple of years ago. I was very happy for them then and thinking about it now still brings a smile to my face. Not even a smirk, but a real smile. I love that man and I quickly grew to love that woman as well. And the entire family for that matter. They rock! ‘Nuff said!

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, keep those questions coming and stay safe. I’ll see you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!