Tossing Salt Presents:
5 Questions
PBS, Sweet Tea, Apple Pie & More
September 21, 2021
DougMaynard.com

This world is full of questions and from the world that is Twitter, I found some that require an answer, five of them to be exact. It’s “Five Questions” and it starts right now. Let’s do this.

If PBS wanted you to create a Children’s television show, what would it be about?

Let’s be honest here. If PBS wanted a new children’s show, I would be the absolute last person they would call. Most kid shows treat kids like they’re stupid and I don’t buy that crap and wouldn’t want to do that. Most kids are smarter than you realize and far more observant than people give them credit for and I’d want to play to that aspect rather than dumb them down with blue dogs, bad cartoons, etc. I do like Muppets though so that would be allowed. How about a modern twist on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood with Mr. Dougie and his “friends”, such as the rock star named “Alice”, the cool old man named “Dingo”, the psychotic guy who sits in the corner and mumbles a lot named “Angry Joe”, the lovely lass with the loose morals named “Candy”, etc. Base the friends on real people and real behaviors and Mr. Dougie and this crowd can have adventures, while also breaking the fourth wall to talk to the kiddies watching the show. That’s a general concept and there are a lot of details that would need to be fleshed out, but there you go. And that’s why a job with PBS will never come my way.

Sweet Tea – yay or nay?

I never drink… tea. But if I am forced to drink it and it doesn’t give instant diabetes, then it’s no good. Sweet tea all the way, period.

You’re hired by CNN and can hire anyone you want to be the prime-time news person, who would you hire?

My prime-time news would be rebooting an idea that Ted Turner used in the early days of his television stations with chimps as the newscasters and people doing voiceovers and doing the actual reading while the chimps were on camera doing chimp things. I’d rather watch a bunch of real monkeys than men and women spouting out the same propaganda and spin for whatever agenda they’re trying to promote and exploit. So imagine it: CNN Headline News featuring Bubbles The Chimp. Sounds good to me.

Why is Kamala Harris going on The View instead of going to the US southern border to address the crisis?

Because she’s in over her head as the Vice President and would rather do a meaningless TV spot with four friendly faces rather than go to the border and actually do a job that she was elected to do. And after that appearance, she’ll be going on Maury to reunite with Willie Brown. Hey Willie, are you the daddy? Hmmmmm.

Has apple pie been banned yet?

A symbol of America and family wholesomeness, well with the exception of that American Pie scene, I’m surprised that no one has tried to ban apple pie. Obviously, since they only come in red, yellow, and green, just like a stoplight, they’re obviously racist and since they share the same colors as a stoplight, they’re oppressive and unfair to the snowflakes. Apple pies oppress their rights and are insulting to women and poor people. I don’t get why either, but who needs a reason? But here’s a warning. I like hot apple pie and they are delicious and if they’re banned, I will be a criminal. Come try to take my pie and you’ll have a bigger hole in you than the pie that I mentioned in that movie earlier. Pumpkin pie? Sweet Potato Pie? Ban that shit. I don’t much like them and can barely tell them apart anyhow. Deception is wrong. But leave my apple pie alone or else we’re going to fight.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, take care of yourself and stay safe. I’ll see you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!