Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Excuses, Onions, Movies & More
October 2, 2021
DougMaynard.com

One more to go and my backlog is complete. Then it’s all-new stuff. There is a man over at Twitter named Tyler Casper. He can be found at @ghostly_host. He likes to ask all sorts of random questions. My name is Doug and this is my site. I like to answer all sorts of random questions and nothing is off limits. Put us together and let’s see what happens. This is Questions By Casper and it all starts right now. Let’s do this.

Did everybody just forget about the Americans left behind in Afghanistan?

It sure seems that way, doesn’t it. The farce of a government that screwed up Afghanistan so badly is trying to cover up just how inept that they are and how many American lives will end because of their incompetence and the so-called media is helping them every step of the way. The blood of those killed and left behind, it’s on Joe Biden’s hands, not that he cares anyhow. But we know and we remember Joe. We know!

What is the worst pickup line you’ve ever heard?

I actually heard a guy tell a girl that “if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me!”. Yeah, a song lyric. But he was drunk and coming on strong and she was all giggly, and somewhat drunk herself and they ended up going off somewhere together so I guess it worked.

What is the most ridiculous excuse you’ve ever used?

Honestly, I can’t remember anything right off the top of my head. I’m not one for excuses, but instead just prefer to say what I need to say, like it or not, and leave it there. If I can think of anything before I finish this post, I’ll circle back.

What is the most ridiculous excuse you’ve ever heard?

I had a crackhead tell me one time that he needed money because some people had his brother and he owed them money and he needed to borrow money to get his brother back. Yeah, (name omitted) actually said this with a straight face and was so damn sincere and dramatic and desperate, he probably should have gotten an Academy Award for his performance. It was so nice to tell him no, tell him to fuck off and tell him to leave. He did.

If you were to rename the Titanic, what would you name it?

On the rocks…

Have you ever taken a blood oath?

I don’t think so, but even if I did, I’m sure that the cult would not allow me to admit it so I’d say no regardless. I’ve done the “blood brother” thing with a couple of guys. Would that count? And I’ve exchanged bodily fluids with a few other guys. Wouldn’t that be the same thing? Maybe not?

Do you stand with the US Border Patrol?

In that they’re doing their job and that the Democrats, the Pedo-In-Cheif, and the media are trying to scapegoat them in an effort to cover up their own mistakes, lies, and scandals? Absolutely.

Have you ever taken an oath?

To tell the truth in court, absolutely. Word is bond! ‘Nuff said!

Do you prefer your pizza cut in slices or squares? And why did you pick slices?

I prefer the slices, but all pizza is good pizza regardless of how it’s cut or shaped. Slices are just easier to pile on the plate without looking like a total pig-boy.

Have you ever slept under the stars?

Many times. It’s a great feeling, especially wrapped in the arms of the right person.

How come so many health professionals won’t take the vaccine?

As a well-respected health professional personally told me, it hasn’t been properly tested, no one is sure of the side-effects or long-term effects, and ninety-five percent of the things that they’re saying on TV are lies. For people who already have conditions, such as I do, the vaccine is more likely to escalate the problems I’m dealing with and would do far more damage than good. The doctors are not in charge in this situation and it’s a political thing now and the politicians don’t give a damn about the people or our health. This vaccine is a tool in control and power, not health or science. And while they can’t say it out loud, many medical professionals and people who know are seeing this and taking note.

When was your last camping trip?

It’s been a few years ago. It might be nice to do it again someday.

Do you have a favorite black and white movie?

Easy one for me. East Of Eden, starring James Dean, Julie Harris, Ray Massey, and others. Made in 1955, this was Dean’s first starring role in a movie and is, in my opinion, his very best. Check it out if you can. And after that, my #2 would be the original Dracula, starring Bela Lugosi. The best vampire movie of all time not named Lost Boys or Interview With A Vampire.

Have you ever cut onions and not started tearing up?

On occasion. It depends on the onion and how quickly I got the job done as to how many tears I shed. Onions kept cold in the fridge are not as powerful when being cut and the tear factor, while still there, won’t be as overwhelming.

Why do people think Mandates are laws? They aren’t.

Because the media and press keep trying to tell us that they are and the dictatorship powers-that-be in our Government tell us that as well, not wanting us to remember that they work for us, not the other way around and try as they might, they’re not the bosses of us. If they tell us we have to listen enough times, then the mindless sheep will do so, no questions asked, regardless of the order. It’s all about control and they, our Government, want to control us when in fact, it should be the other way around.

Do you own a safe?

I have a box. Works well enough for me. It’s guarded by a vicious attack cat. Well, that and a glock!

Does anyone actually enjoy cutting onions?

I don’t mind cutting them. While I’d much rather be writing, riding, getting a booty-call, or taking a nap, cutting onions is not in my top ten least favorite chores. It’s just a thing.

What is the worst Christmas gift you’ve ever gotten?

I’m not materialistic so any gift received is appreciated and I am thankful for it. I can’t think of anything really bad, but if I do think of anything before I finish this, I’ll circle back.

What is the best decoration on your Christmas tree?

I haven’t set up a tree in several years, but we have a few decorations, some gingerbread men, some snowmen, a Santa and Mrs. Santa, etc. that we’ve had since I was a small kid in a box around here somewhere. If I was to do trees again, those reminders of my childhood would be the best ones for me.

How do you want your funeral?

I want a dancing bear, male strippers, lots of fireworks, a Eulogy by Alice Cooper, and live coverage by CNN and Fox News. Oh wait, I’m not George Floyd so that cancels out the live TV coverage and fireworks. My bad! So I’ll go serious instead. Is this where I say that instead of a burial, I want to be sent to a taxidermist instead. They can stuff me up and then use me at the store to hold a display or something. Just be sure to dust me off every so often. Just kidding (or am I?) For real, just a gathering of my friends and family, no crying allowed, but instead jokes and stories and memories. If there’s music to be played, go with Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Freebird”, Jessi Colter’s “Please Carry Me Home”, Queen’s “The Show Must Go On” and finally, “My Way” by Sinatra. That last one is a must since I’ve always done it my way. And just let everyone talk, cut up, drink a beverage or two, and make it a gathering of friends instead of a funeral. No suits or dresses either. I hate formal and wouldn’t subject anyone else to that stuff. And there you go.

Coke or Pepsi?

Is this even a question? Pepsi all the way. (Sips coke).

Do you know what a “suicide” nob is?

I didn’t have a clue on this one, but I do now. Thanks, Google.

When was your last “oh shit” moment?

Last night when I got a strange text from my bro-son. That boy had me scared to freakin’ death.

What is something you’re uncomfortable talking about?

Myself. I do it, but it’s not an easy thing on serious matters.

Do you have a “sick” mind?

I think it all depends upon perspective. I have a slightly twisted way of thinking and a dark sense of humor, but does that mean my mind is “sick”. Define a “well mind” if you can. It can’t be done and neither can a mind be truly defined as “sick”. We’re all unique and individuals.

When was the last time you “Got down to business!”?

Today as I decided that I need to get my backlog cleaned out of stuff for my blogs and when I finish this post, I’ll have done that. And then I’ll go over to Twitter, Facebook, or Reddit and it will begin again. But for the moment, I’m getting it done.

Are you thankful for the bad times are well as the good times in your life?

I’m thankful for all the times of my life, both good and bad. I lived, loved, laughed, and learned from every incident and encounter. And that’s how I grew to become who I am and will be.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, take care of yourself and stay safe. And thank you for the continued support. I’ll see you on the other side. Take care.

Ubuntu!