Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Astrology, Captain Kangaroo & More
November 11, 2021
DougMaynard.com

A man named Casper (@ghostly_host) likes to ask questions. And I like to answer them. And here we

Shout out to Carl & Carson Chavis. Happy Birthday guys. Love ya!

How is cookie stacking not an Olympic sport?

I guess it would be part of the Special Olympics because to do it and do it well, you have to be a special kind of person. A gold medal for cookies? Count me in.

What is something you’d like to improve about yourself by the end of the year?

I’d like to be able to walk again and get up and down these damn steps without getting out of breath and experiencing tremendous pain every time I give it a try. I also want to be able to drive again ad get my ass back to work where I belong.

Do you think others would consider you to be a good person?

Most people that know me seem to think I’m fairly decent and to be honest, I do try to be. Just don’t piss me off.

Do you give any weight to your astrological sign?

I know I’m fat so no need to talk about weight here. As for the astrological sign, I’m a Cancer and while I don’t believe the astrology stuff, I still check out my horoscope when I get the opportunity, just to play it safe.

Have you ever forgotten your name?

That is why I always carry ID, so if I forget who I am, I can look in my wallet and find out. 

Do you ever look up new words just to use them to confuse people?

No, I can confuse people quite well without using any new words. I will just be myself and that works well enough to befuddle most others.

Are you a Quadragenarian?

What the hell is a Quad-whatever the fuck that is? It’s either a body-building thing or just freaking old as heck. Let me check. It’s a person who is between 40-49 years old. So no, I am not. I’m an old fucker.

Do you own an erf?

An erf? Is that anything like Elf On A Shelf? Let me look it up. It’s a stock market thing so again, my answer would be no.

Do you have Agastopia?

Is that asking if I let out big farts in front of members of the Royal Family? No, I’m not Brandon. It does sound like something that you’d be taking Gas-X for. Let me check out the definition so I can answer the question. Agastropia is the love of or admiration for a specific part of the human body. Well, I love checking out booty and guys in gray sweatpants for a particularly impressive part of their anatomy. I also love sexy eyes. So that would be a yes.

What is the most memorable thing that’s happened to you this year so far?

On October 20, 2021, I had my right foot amputated due to diabetes and infection. Everything else kind of pales in comparison.

Favorite bedtime story?

Once upon a time, there was a blogger who went to bed and then woke up to a kiss from a sexy guy. And the sexy guy, he got his world rocked. The end.

Best nursery rhyme?

Here’s famed Nursery Rhymer Andrew Dice Clay with my favorites. 

Best kids song to date?

Tom McDonald’s “Snowflakes”. My bro’s mini-me likes it and he’s a kid so it’s a good answer for this question.

Do you like horror movies?

I like the older ones with Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolfman, etc. I like larger-than-life characters that tell a story. The more modern just slash and die movies, they’re okay, but not quite as good in my opinion.

What is your favorite road trip snack?

Taters from the Nic’s Pic Kwik store. Best damn driving food ever. If you’re ever in Laurinburg, check them out. There’s one near you.

When was the last time you had an epiphany?

Roughly a month ago when, after yet another doctor’s appointment and treatment for my foot that wasn’t working, I realized that what the doctors were telling me was correct and if I wanted to get rid of the pain, my foot would have to go. I hated to make that call and procrastinated for quite a while, but after much thought, many tears, and a lot of stress, I realized and did what I had to do. I’m not happy about it and still have moments of anger, frustration, stress, and tears, but it was the right call and needed to be done. And thusly, I did.

If you were a superhero, what would be your superhero name and signature power?

It would be Mage and I would be a sorcerer/wizard type with the magical powers, the whole mind-reading, hypnotism, dealing with the impossible and mysteries of the world, both this one and the ones that are still shrouded in mystery and darkness.

Have you ever had Maypo cereal?

Is that anything like Fruit Loops or Honey Nut Cheerios? I can’t say that I have.

Do you know who Captain Kangaroo was?

Good morning Captain. I remember Captain Kangaroo very well, as well as Bunny Rabbit, Mr. Moose, Mr. Greenjeans, The Town Clown, Slim Goodbody, and a comedian named Bill Cosby doing something called Picture Pages. That was my early morning TV for many years. The Captain was and is a TV legend.

Did you watch Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood growing up?

Yes, neighbor, I watched this as well. Mr. Rogers was the mack-daddy with his sweaters and Land of Make-Believe.

Who is your favorite Sesame Street character?

I think that Sesame Street is being stupid right now with the idea of promoting Big Bird as taking the Covid vaccine shot. Maybe if it was the Bird Flu, but this bit of foolish propaganda to appease the Government, it’s just plain wrong as hell. As for my favorite character from Sesame Steet, he doesn’t take crap from anyone. It’s this guy right here.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, take care and stay safe. I’ll see you at Mr. Hooper’s Store. 

Ubuntu!