I Don’t Like Monday MySpace Survey…

Tossing Salt Presents:
I Don’t Like Monday Survey
November 29, 2021
DougMaynard.com

It’s a MySpace survey, but it comes from SpaceHey instead. If you miss the old MySpace, go check this one out. It’s pretty cool. And now, a little nostalgia. It’s survey time. Let’s do this.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Absolutely. Most people think I’m happy, content, and well and who am I to ruin that perception for them? I’ll keep up the jokes and put on the smiles, all the while I wish I could just go away forever. Yeah, I think that, except for when I do these things, I keep that mask on pretty well.

Would you kiss an ugly person for $1,000?

Are we talking cash? Pucker up, Quasimodo. Let’s smooch!

What kind of sense of humor do you have?

Sick, dark, deranged, inappropriate, warped, slightly disturbing, and totally perverted. And those are the nice ways to describe it.

Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings?

Nope because why bother. I’m a tough bastard and I can take it.

Do your initials spell out a word?

They spell out “DAM” and then if you reverse them, they spell “MAD”. So my initials say “Dam Mad”. That explains a lot, doesn’t it?

Do you sing in the shower?

Sometimes. Why? Do you have any requests?

Where is the last place you went shopping?

I think it was Wal-Mart, but it may have been the liquor store. It’s been a while and I honestly can’t remember.

Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?

Not that I’m aware of, no.

Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Actively looking? Not really, but if there are any guys out there that are interested in talking to a middle-aged and crazy fat guy with a stump, give me a shout. Being alone does get lonely sometimes and it would be nice to have someone to share things with and be with sometimes. Word of warning though. If we do talk and it starts getting serious, aka more than booty calls, my brother, his wife, and the kids will have to approve you, or else it’ll be hit the road. If they don’t like you or the cat doesn’t like you, my apologies, but see ya!

Do you prefer a call or a text?

I despise talking on the phone unless absolutely necessary, but I have been getting better about that. I absolutely prefer a text.

Drinking anything?

A can of Mt. Dew Zero.

Do your parents drink coffee every morning?

My Mom drinks coffee some mornings, but it’s not an everyday thing anymore.

Have you ever donated blood?

Absolutely. I did it many times when I was in high school and a younger man, but as I’ve gotten older, my body has too many issues and I need to keep every drop of blood I can. Plus the Red Cross doesn’t like gay blood so they don’t want mine anymore.

One song that’s meaningful to you?

How about “Rainy Night In Georgia” by Conway Twitty & Sam Cooke. It reminds me of an old friend, Kever, who passed away a couple of years ago. When this song first came out, Kever bugged the hell out of me to find him a copy of this song. I did and he played it to the extreme for the longest time whenever we were hanging out or drinking, which was just about every night back then. It’s still one of my favorite songs and it reminds me of Kever, RIP, every time I hear it.

How long is your hair?

Kind of medium length. I just had it cut this morning. Thank you, Jennifer.

Addicted to anything?

Not really. Maybe caffeine, the internet, and good d*ck. No, that last one is not an addiction, but more just a strong desire. I need to get plowed like a new field in the springtime. Any volunteers?

What were you last listening to in the car?

The last time I was in a car was last Tuesday, so that would be my Mom talking… and talking… and talking. I have no idea what she was talking about, but she was wide-open for the entire ride.

When was the last time you sang out loud?

This morning. I was singing to my cat and he was pretending to like it.

What did you have for breakfast?

Two chicken patties and a banana.

Is your birthday on a holiday?

I missed the Fourth of July by about fifteen minutes so holiday weekend, yes, but an actual holiday, no.

What instant messaging service do you use?

Either Facebook or… just Facebook.

Can you cook?

Yes, I can, and very well, thank you. I love to cook. It’s relaxing to me.

Did you have a nap today?

I tried, but a certain damn cat was in my room and laying right in the middle of the bed so I could never get comfortable or relax. I laid there for a while, but eventually gave up and bot back up. So no nap for me today, damn cat!

What do you wear more jeans or sweats?

Since I had my surgery last month, I pretty much only wear just shorts. I do have some sweats I’ll wear sometimes, but with half-a-leg missing, shorts are just easier and more practical than long pants of any kind.

Do you swear a lot?

Way more often than I probably should.

Where did you get the shirt(s) you’re wearing?

ProWrestlingTees.com. It’s a kWo shirt, representing the Kitten World Order.

Do you have any regrets?

Far more than I can list here. It’s been one hell of a ride for the past half-century and I’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way.

What’s the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?

That they are the opposite sex. And then, its usually the boobs.

Do you want something you can’t have?

Yeah, his name is Eric. And I want my foot back and my freedom. That would be great too.

What color are your favorite shoes?

I don’t worry about shoes. I have Frankenstein boots, excuse me, a boot to wear, and it’s an ugly brown.

Who would you like to see right now?

My brother and the fam. I miss them so much right now, it physically hurts. And maybe a lawyer who’s giving me a certified check for $20,000,000 from a long-lost forgotten person who wants me to be happy. That would be kind of cool too.

Are you a social or antisocial person?

I like some people, but I’m more anti-social than not as I get older.

Have the cops ever come by your house?

More times than I care to admit to. But it wasn’t my fault and I was framed and set up. Really, I was.

Ever been in love?

Yeah, some of the best and worst times of my life.

Would you rather sleep with someone, or alone?

It all depends on who that someone is.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions, just give me a shout and we’ll talk. Use the comment box or by e-mail at Doug28352@yahoo.com. Until the next time, stay safe and be good (or be good at it). I’ll see you later alligators. Take care.

Ubuntu.

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