Tossing Salt Presents:
Dear Dougie:
Advice With An Edge
Boobs, Deadbeat Hubby & More
January 6, 2022
DougMaynard.com

We’ve all heard of Dear Abby and Ann Landers, right? People write to them and they give advice. Well, why should they hog the market? I can give advice too. And here you go. It’s “Dear Dougie” time.

DEAR DOUGIE: When my boyfriend talks about women, he doesn’t always refer to them by their name. In most cases, I don’t know the individual. But even if he does refer to her by name, what bothers me is he always follows it by describing her boobs (i.e., “the one with the big boobs, she has got to be at least a 42D, they stick straight out,” or, “she’s petite with a very small waistline”). Yet, he says he loves my figure and always expresses he loves the way I’m built. I have ignored the “big boob” comments because (I’m guessing) he gets some kind of satisfaction from making them, so I have gone along with it. However, it is becoming increasingly annoying. How can I get him to stop these comments and either refer to the women by name or “Jerry’s wife, “the woman” or “the lady”? Frankly, I’m not interested in the description; her name will suffice. Also, can you explain why he always slips in the description of the woman’s anatomy? — MORE THAN A BODY

He’s a boob guy and loves boobies. It’s just that simple and he not only loves boobies but he’s also got an obsession with them. That’s just how he is and he’s not going to change, nor should he. Boobies are a wonderful thing and make the world a better place. So get over it and be happy you have a man. Maybe the boobie thing is annoying, but if he works, pays the bills, loves you, and otherwise is a good husband, don’t worry about it. Just smile and appreciate the guy for the good things. And boobies are good things. Believe that!

DEAR DOUGIE: On two occasions, I have given my boyfriend money (several thousand dollars) to help her cover medical expenses. Both times his father promised to pay me back. He made good on his promise the first time, but it has been almost two months since I fronted the money and he hasn’t paid me back. He promised to do it when he got paid, but he has “gotten paid” several times since.
I’m considering taking him to small claims court. It wouldn’t be his first time in that situation. Am I cheap? Or am I right for wanting to be repaid? If I’m right, how should I proceed? — UNPAID IN PENNSYLVANIA

You are right and this clown owes you some money. He’s taking advantage and using you. Take him to court and get your money. And then dump his cheap, lying ass. He’s not going to pay you back unless he’s forced to do so. Do you know any big guys with bad attitudes? Buy them a bottle of liquor and have them pay the guy a visit. He deserves it. I’m not saying to seek revenge but use your imagination and do what you need to do. Accidents happen.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 35 years moved out three years ago. We live only a block apart, and I contribute a lot to his household because he’s on disability and doesn’t have enough money to make it through the month. I have a great job and travel as a photographer. My job is the reason he moved out. According to him, I was “gone too much.” Recently, we have discussed the possibility of divorcing. Although he hasn’t done it yet, he has expressed interest in dating a man. But then he pulls me back in with the “I love you, and can’t live without you” stuff. I don’t know what to do. He is hostile when I’m away at work and constantly accuses me of cheating. I am at a loss. Please help. — IN A FIX IN ALABAMA

He doesn’t want a divorce because then he would be on his own and he’d have to pay his own way. You’re making excuses for him, but he’s just using you for money, comfort, and whatever else he can get. And usually, if someone gets angry and spouts out accusations of cheating when there is no cheating, they’re deflecting and trying to make you the bad guy when more often than not, they’re the one sneaking around. Dump this loser. Get the divorce and get his guy out of your life entirely. You deserve better.

DEAR ABBY: “Adam” and “Amanda” are dating. It is OK for Amanda to braid the long hair of her single, heterosexual male friend, “Adonis”? Or is she crossing a line in her relationship? — JUST WONDERING IN VIRGINIA

Is she a trained hairdresser or beautician? If so, then yes, it’s okay. Men and women are capable of being just friends and just because she braids his hair doesn’t mean they’re banging. If they’re going off to clubs together or long weekends away together on a “business trip”, then worry, but if all she’s doing is styling the guy’s hair, then STFU. It’s not a big deal.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And if you have a problem and want some honest, straight-up, in your face but no judging advice, I’m here. I can play it serious or I can play it ass-clown. You decide. Take care and be safe. I’ll see you at the bar.

Ubuntu!