Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper:
Ducks, Conspiracies, Tempers & More
January 10, 2022
DougMaynard.com

There was a man named Casper and questions, he asked a lot. And this here is where Dougie, smirks and says let’s see what you’ve got. Yes, I’m a poet and didn’t even know it. Go see Mr. Casper on Twitter at @ghostly_host. Follow and enjoy. And now, read on because it’s Questions By Casper and it all starts right now.

When is the right time to tell someone bad news?

As soon as you possibly can, to get it out of the way and over with.

Something killed my ducks. Is it still safe to eat the duck meat from them?

My sympathy for your ducks, but as to eating them, that’s kind of creepy. It’s like something from the Beverly Hillbillies and “Roadkill Stew”. I would say that it’s probably best to just bury them and them be, otherwise you’ll probably have ghostly ducks spooking up the place. For a man named Casper, that might not be a bad thing, but it’s still kind of messed up.

Why do people think the grass is greener on the other side?

It’s all about perception and what they think things are like rather than the reality of what it’s really like over there. People don’t think, but instead, just do. And then go, “Oh shit!”, in the end.

What is something you have a hard time explaining?

Algebra. I made straight A’s in that subject in high school, but never had a clue as to what I was actually doing. I still don’t.

Do you have a hot temper?

Not so much anymore, but there was a time that I would get upset over nothing at all. I’ve gotten older now and generally just don’t give a shit!

Do you have a short fuse?

No, my friend said it’s a good size. And it’s not the length of the fuse anyhow, but what you do with it. I leave them happy and satisfied. What more can one ask for?

What is your favorite homemade pie?

I like pecan pie, but the damn pecans cost so much these days, it’s cheaper to just go to Food Lion and buy one instead of making it. Apple pies are good too. I like all pies.

Who wouldn’t you take a bullet for?

I’d take one for my bro and the family. And maybe a few other folks if necessary, but why the hell should I take a bullet for anyone. Them damn things hurt. Better to just shoot first and not worry about getting shot. That’s the way I would prefer to do it anyhow… and will if necessary.

Do you believe in conspiracies?

Only so far as the government and media are together and hate the American people and Donald Trump and want to control our lives, but other than that, not at all.

What is the most annoying thing people do on their phones?

Just the presence of the phone annoys the hell out of me. Keep it put away while we’re together except for an emergency situation. I don’t play with mine while we’re together and I get annoyed when others play with theirs.

How old were you when you knew exactly what you wanted to do with your life?

I still haven’t figured it out so that answer is still pending.

What is your single greatest regret?

There are so many over the years that I can’t pick just one. I’ll go with the trip to Aberdeen back in the early ’90s. That was a big freaking mistake that ruined my life for years.

Do you still stay in contact with your exes?

Most of them, yes. Just because we couldn’t be together in a relationship doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends.

Do you try to find humor in everyday situations?

Absolutely because it’s either laugh or cry and I’m tired of tears.

Do you have an arch-nemesis?

Lex Luthor? No, that’s Superman’s enemy. How about the Joker? No, he’s Batman’s foe and I’m not Batman. I think I know who is though, but I won’t spill the beans about K-Mak. Maybe a few pissed-off wives and girlfriends, but even they are few and far between these days. I don’t think I have one. I guess I need to step up my game a bit.

Do you have a carport?

Yes. Yes, we do.

What is your favorite modern saying?

Let’s Go, Brandon.

What color looks best on you?

I love to wear purple, but I end up looking like Barney the Dinosaur. Black looks good on me. I make Johnny Cash jealous.

What is the best slogan ever?

Is “Let’s Go, Brandon” a slogan? Nope, a slogan is more of a tagline for a product or person. So the best ever is for Tossing Salt – Worldwide News, a wrestling column that was written by some clown on the internet for a long, long time. And it went like this. Tossing Salt – Worldwide News: Pro Wrestling’s Most Eclectic Column Since 2003″.

What is the first thing you do when someone asks you for the time?

Look at my wrist even though I haven’t worn a watch in nearly twenty years, then look around for a clock so I can answer them.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions you may have, then drop me a line or use the comment box and let’s chat. Until the next time, take care and be safe. I’ll see you at the Tiki Bar.

Ubuntu!