Tossing Salt Presents:
5 Questions
Happiness, Tom Hanks, Vegans & More
January 16, 2022
DougMaynard.com

From the land that is Twitter, these are the first five questions that I came across on my feed this morning. Are you ready? Let’s do this?

Why did we need a vaccine for a virus that carries a 99% survival rate in the first place?

It’s all about power and control. Yes, COVID is real and for some people, usually those already in bad health or elderly, it can be a major problem, just like the flu. So I’m not against a vaccine that has been tested, has no side effects, and works. But, the rest of this, the masks, the quarantines, the closing down of businesses and churches and schools, etc, that has nothing to do with health or the virus itself. It’s all about control and power and probably a bottle of Nyquil or some Alka-Seltzer Plus would work just as well as any vaccine. 

Have you ever had an experience that physically seemed real with GOD’s presence?

Well, there was that time with a friend out at Pea Bridge that seemed like a heavenly moment, but I’m not sure if that was due to divine intervention or the alcohol. But aside from that, I can’t think of anything right off the top of my head.

Which are your favorite Tom Hanks films?

I’m not a big Tom Hanks fan and most of his movies that I have watched were in spite of his presence rather than because of him being there. But I will admit that I liked Philadelphia. That was a groundbreaking movie for any gay man in the ’80s. And Saving Private Ryan was damn good as well. 

What would happen if the whole world went vegan?

I would be happy because that would mean more hamburgers, pork chops, and steaks for me. I have nothing against the Vegan people, but eating grass doesn’t sound good to me. You people are insane. I want MEAT! Lots and lots of it. Period!

What are your personal “5 Rules Of Happiness”?

Do I even have five rules of happiness? I guess that would be five things that I do to be content and happy. I can come up with five, I guess. Here goes. 

1. Have a cat to hold and love when stressing out.
2. Text your bro-son often.
3. Drink plenty of Dew Zero.
4. Write. Don’t hold things in and find a way to let it all out.
5. Sleep often.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Our lights are starting to flicker so I guess I’d better finish this up before the power goes out. Damn, it’s cold and icy outside. Take care and stay well. I’ll see you later, Gators. 

Ubuntu!