Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie:
Tenth Caller, Free Candy & Muppet News
January 18, 2022
DougMaynard.com

Good morning and welcome to another new Day of Dougie. It’s Tuesday morning and you know what that means. For me, it’s a visit to the prosthesis dude to see if my stump has shrunken enough to get fitted for a new foot. Always a joy to be sure. I know it’s shrunken, although to be honest, my other leg is swollen, but that’s not important right now. The focus today is the 1/2 leg and getting a move on in getting a new foot so I can walk, be more mobile, put the wheelchair away, and get my ass back to work at the ABC. It took me almost thirty-plus years of working in convenience stores to finally find a job I love and am fairly good at. I miss the job, the people, and even the customers. I want to go back to work! If all goes well today, I’ll be one step closer to making my triumph return. And if it doesn’t, I’ll take a deep breath, grit my teeth, and do whatever it is I have to do. And there you go.

Wow, what a way to start a morning, and what a rant that was. Yes, I am stressed. That’s what I do. Let’s move on and pull a few topics from the infamous Magic Bag so we can determine what I’m writing about today. We have Free Candy, The Tenth Caller, and Muppet News. Okay, I can work with these and I may even be able to write an entire piece without making anyone mad or making them cringe. Nah, I don’t think so either. But let’s get busy and in the words of Goofy, “How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?”. That makes absolutely no sense at all, but it’s all good because I’m an idiot sometimes and I’m out of the Dew. Let’s do this.

The Tenth Caller…

This one, I remember well. In the early ’90s, a local radio station, WQSM Q98, from Fayetteville, NC, had this promotion going on where when they played a certain sound, the tenth caller to reply would win a prize. Since I was working the third shift at the time and didn’t have much better to do, I was listening to them every night for the sound of those touchtones and I was rushing to the phone to make that call. And I had quite a bit of luck. I won tickets to see KISS in concert, along with the Crazy Nights album. I won an album by Cinderella. I won a couple of t-shirts. Being the tenth caller, that was one of my things at the time and I got pretty proficient at it. I don’t know if they still do that promotion at Q98, but maybe I should give them a listen and find out. Nah, I hate modern music and wouldn’t know anything they were playing. I’ll stick with my YouTube and satellite radio instead. But thanks for the good memories and all the free stuff to Q98, all because I was always the tenth caller. You rock!

Free Candy…

We’ve all seen the warnings about the van pulling up and a creepy-looking guy offers kids free candy to get into the van. I know it’s tempting for kids, but just say no. Don’t do dat! Ask to see the candy first and then tell them you’re a diabetic and can’t eat candy so fuck off! The only exception to this when saying yes may be an option is if they offer free vodka. And you’re a legal adult of age. Make sure you see the vodka first and then say, “Thank you, Mr. Doug!”. Yeah, if you’re out running around and are a good-looking dude in gray sweatpants or tight shorts and have a rocking ass, I may come looking for you so I can rock your world. Free vodka? I’m your hook-up. But free candy? I said it earlier and I’ll say it again, just say NO! Unless of course it’s baby Snickers. I love me some Snickers. And now, before I get myself put on a list, let’s move on.

Muppet News…

Long a part of the Muppet Show, this segment, hosted by a character known only as The Newsman, featured Muppet News and interviews with puppets on the street conducted by Kermit the Frog. And you know what? They were damn more reliable and honest than any of the current mainstream media outlets today. I think CNN should take the initiative and replace everyone there with a Muppet instead. Hire new writers, and let Kermit go into prime-time as the lead CNN journalist. Miss Piggy, Scooter, Fozzy Bear, The Swedish Chef, Elmo, Oscar the Grouch, Burt & Ernie, Cookie Monster, etc. Just give them all a show and let them do what they do. You’d have far more credible newscasters than anything CNN has to offer now and ratings would skyrocket. Or since The Mouse (Disney) owns the Muppets now, just start their own cable channel, The Muppet News Network (MNN), and go crazy. Within a year, the other news companies, like CNN, MSNBC, and even FOX, would be out of business or barely hanging on. Can you imagine a Presidental Debate with Donald Trump and Joe Biden, hosted by Kermit the Frog, Oscar the Grouch, and Elmo? I want to see it. So Muppet News? First the Muppet Show and then, the world. I wish the Mouse would do this. We’ll just have to keep our fingers crossed.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions you may have, feel free to give me a shout, and let’s chill in the morning sun. Okay, that sounds creepy, but talk to me anyhow and let me know what you think. Until the next time, take care of yourself, be good and be safe. In the words of Kojak, “who loves ya, baby!”. I’ll see you next time.

Ubuntu!