Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Sports, Bacon, Snacks & More
January 18, 2022
DougMaynard.com

There was a man named Casper. Twitter was his home. He likes to ask questions, just like a dog loves a bone. And here I am sitting here, ready to take the bait. He asks questions and I have answers. So let’s do this. Why wait. Let’s go.

Is golf a sport?

It’s as much a sport as Nascar, Corn Hole, and Naked Twister. It involves technique, physicality, and skill, so I would say yes.

Have you ever forgotten your name?

I have and that’s why I always carry my ID, so I can double-check and remember who I am. Getting older sucks!

Do you give any weight to your astrological sign?

Not really, but I will make a confession here. I used to read three newspapers a day, the Fayetteville paper, the Charlotte paper, and the local paper, plus occasionally the Raleigh paper too. And part of my daily routine would be to read the horoscopes in each one to see what they had to say. Then I’d lick the one I like best and see what happens. I didn’t really believe in them, but why take chances, right?

Do you think others would consider you to be a good person?

I think most would consider me to be a weirdo and a bit of an asshole. But there may be one or two that think I have a good heart, black and twisted though it may be.

What is something you’d like to improve about yourself by the end of the year?

I’d like to get my new foot, learn to walk again and go back to work, the sooner the better. Doctor appointment in the morning to work towards those goals.

How is cookie stacking not an Olympic sport?

It should be. Someone give the President a call. He can’t do shit about anything else without screwing it up, but maybe he can do something about this travesty.

Who is your favorite Sesame Street character?

It’s between Count Von Count or Oscar the Grouch. I love to count and I am totally in sync with Oscar’s outlook on the world and grouchy ways.

What is the best flavor of candy cane?

I never really thought about it, candy canes that come in flavors. I’m more of a traditionalist with this. Give me the red & white peppermint ones every time.

How do you like your bacon?

Cooked. Not burnt, but crispy.

Are you looking for love in all the wrong places?

Online and at the liquor store. Yeah, those probably aren’t the best places to find Mr. Right, but when it comes to finding Mr. Right Now, they seem to work quite well.

How do you take your coffee?

I don’t drink that crap. I love the smell, but the actual taste makes me want to barf.

What is the most memorable thing that’s happened to you this year so far?

Well, we’re only 18 days into the year so far and my entire life has been playing on the computer, texting my brother, and going to see the doctor. None of that is especially memorable. I did make chili one day. I guess that was pretty cool. And that’s about it so far. Damn, I need a life.

How much is a farthing?

Hell if I know. Let me look it up. It means the least possible amount. It was also the name of an old coin, withdrawn in 1961 in the UK, that represented a quarter of a penny.

Do you have Agastopia?

I’m not sure. What the hell is it? A fear of spiders? Let me look this one up. It’s a love or appreciation for a specific part of the human body. So do I have it? Yes, I do. I like eyes, especially green ones, but so long as they’re deep and pretty, I’m there, and I like butts! Yes, I am an ass man and proud of it. Show me that booty, boys! I’ll rock your world.

Do you own an erf?

What is an Erf? Is that the Smurf’s smaller cousin from the dark side of the family? Let me look this one up. ERF is either a South African plot of land, usually urban, marked off for building purposes, or a man-made liquid that thickens or solidifies. I don’t think I have either of those laying around the house so I would say No.

Are you a Quadragenarian?

Quad means four and I’m suspecting that the rest has something to do with age so I’ll take a guess here. Someone in their forties? Let’s look it up. It means someone between the ages of forty and forty-nine. I was right. As for am I, the answer is no.

Have you ever eaten bear?

Bear is a gay slang term. It describes a hairier and/or heavy-set gay or bisexual man. So have I ever eaten bear? What do you think?

What is the strangest pie you’ve ever had?

My sister made something one time she called a meat pie, with hamburger, pepperoni, cheese, and a few other things in a pie crust. It was damn good. I guess that would be the strangest.

What is the best burger you’ve ever had?

Nothing beats a homemade burger, fresh ground beef fried on the grill, but so far as restaurant burgers, I’ll go with the Bulldog Burger that I ate at a place called Outlaws in McColl, SC. That was damn good!

Do you have a favorite fast-food restaurant?

Not really. It is what it is and most fast food sucks. I do love the buffet at the Golden Run, a local Chinese restaurant. Chinese food ROCKS!

What is your favorite thing to snack on that most would think is weird?

Cold hot dogs, fresh from the package, and pop tarts, preferably the Cherry or Chocolate ones.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. And thanks to Mr. Casper for the great questions. You can find Casper on Twitter at @ghostly_host. Go check him out and follow. You’ll be glad you did. And with that, take care and be good. I’ll see you on the other side. Take care.

Ubuntu!