Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Cannonball Run, Save Me, and Marriage
February 1, 2022
DougMaynard.com

Greetings my friends, and yes, you are my friends. It’s Tuesday morning and you know what that means, right? Absolutely nothing except for I’ve lost a day somewhere. I woke up, have been up for a couple of hours already, watched the Kentucky Fried Movie, and was thinking to myself, for a Monday, it’s starting off well. But it’s not Monday. It’s Tuesday. I’ve lost an entire day somewhere. Maybe I left it out in the car? But I had things I wanted to do yesterday and I didn’t. Well, I actually did most of them, but I was thinking it was a Sunday and I was getting ahead of the game. Damn you WWE for having a Premium Live Event on a Saturday. It’s their fault. I am so confused.

But enough on that. I’m confused, but so what? That’s the story of my life. How else would I explain 98% of my past relationships? Confusion and alcohol. I was probably drunk. Too bad I don’t do that anymore, but a cold Bud Light would be awfully good right now. Maybe I need a good relapse into debauchery. Hey people, and you know who you are, call me. Let me take a swig of my Mt. Dew Zero and I’ll feel better. And now that I have, I feel great. Let’s move on and find some topics to discuss.

But before I do that, I have an announcement to make. A few small changes are coming to the site. “What are they?”, you ask. I’m not ready to spill the beans yet, but suffice it to say that things will never, ever be the same again. Just keep watching, do your happy dance, and make sure you have plenty of fiber in your diet and be ready. And there you go.

And now, let’s the Magic Bag out, find three topics of discussion, and get to shaking. I have the bag in hand and the topics of discussion for today are The Cannonball Run, Save Me, and Marriage. Okay then, this should be different. In the words of Britney Spears, “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.” Let’s do this.

The Cannonball Run…

It’s one of the greatest movies ever made. Yes, I know that there were actually two made, but the second one sucked. A very simple plot of a cross-county race to win lots of money, plenty of cameos, and B-team celebrities showing up. Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLouise as the stars and there you go. Instant gratification. Yes, it was cheezy and so damn ’70s that it’s not even funny, which explains the second movie, but it was just fun. Burt Reynolds deserved an Oscar. So did “Him!”. And if you’ve seen the movie, you know exactly who “Him” is. Just a great feel-good movie and one of my favorites. It’s even better than porn. So the bottom line on this one is if you get a chance to watch the movie on TV or a streaming service, do so. You’ll be glad you did.

Save Me…

When I hear the words Save Me, two things come to mind and ironically enough, they’re kind of the same thing, but they’re not. The first is the incredibly awesome song by Jelly Roll. To hear that voice come out of that body, singing lyrics that reach deep inside you, cuddle your heart, stimulate the soul, and just touch you so warm and deep into your tum tum, it’s amazing. Essentially, it’s about being your own worst enemy and asking for help. I’ll post the video here. Enjoy.

But the other thing that comes to mind for me is a song of course, but one written almost fifty years ago and performed by the Village People. It was on the Live & Sleazy album, I think, and they did two versions, one slow and one more up-tempo, and it was just amazing. It gripped my little teenage heart and blew my mind. These are the YMCA freaks. They’re not supposed to be deep and moving, but lo and behold, they were exactly that. Here’s that video.

And the bottom line on that is don’t judge a book by the cover. Jelly Roll is incredible and so damn good, and a very nice guy on top of that. The Village People are awesome and even now, I’d party with them anytime. And good music, it’s eternal. And there you go. Let’s tackle the final topic and wrap this mama up.

Marriage…

I’ve never been married. I wanted to in the past, but at the time, marriage between two men was illegal and looking back, it wouldn’t have worked out anyhow. But I wanted to do it and I still do at some point in the future at least once. I hate being alone so often, but I know me and the few people that I could actually tolerate for life, they’re all either straight, already married, or far too important to me that I wouldn’t screw things up by suggesting anything stupid. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it, and I have some awesome people in my world as great friends/family. So that stays the same and I stay alone. No marriage for me unless it’s a total impulse idea with some lucky guy I barely know where we start off with a few drinks, blackout, wake up in bed and then remember, “Oh shit!”. Yeah, that’s probably how it will go down. sighs I was never a big fan of marriage in the past, but I’ve evolved and if it’s with the right person, for example, my bro-son and his amazing partner in life, then it’s a beautiful thing to see. I love them Peeps. And if it doesn’t work out the first time, just keep trying until you get it right.

And there you go. My thanks for reading and joining me in my epic adventure in introspection for today. Any comments, thoughts, ideas for future topics to write about, bad jokes, or nude pics you’d like to share, I’m here and waiting. Until we meet again, be safe and be good. I’ll see you at the coconut tree.

Ubuntu!