Tossing Salt Presents:
Notes To Myself
February 17, 2022
DougMaynard.com

Welcome to Notes To Myself, where I quite literally, take a look at and do a bit of commentary about notes that again literally, I have written to myself. Allow me to explain.

When I see something that catches my eye and I think might be fun to talk about, I scribble a note. If I hear a song and it’s cool, I write a note. If there’s something in the news or on social media that I notice and it sounds like an idea for a possible project, I write a note. And then 98% of these notes go on to my desk, never to be looked at or viewed again, until now. I’m giving them all one more look-over and bringing you along for the experience.

And there you go. And now that you know why we’re here, let’s get busy, and as they say in the movie, 8 Mile, right before the final rap battles, “Hey DJ! Spin that shit!”

And as a side note here, most of these “notes” are from when I was still working, before I got my foot infected, had it amputated, etc. So these are older and even I’m not sure what to expect. Oh well, only one way to find out. Let’s do this.

Greasy Ass Pickles: Fried pickles from Captain Larry’s Seafood. Just the thought makes me want to gag. I am not a pickle person. Well, Pickle Rick is okay, but aside from that, bleh! Anyhow, my coworker at the ABC ordered some lunch one day and among the things she ordered was fried pickles. And they were greasy. And it was so funny listening to her complain, I had an idea for a blog one day about greasy ass pickles. The blog never happened. But I still think about her reaction and laugh.

Drama Class: Another discussion with a coworker about some of our customers. They’ll come in to get something and if by some chance we’re out of what they want, let the drama begin. You’d think we just shot their grandma and kicked a puppy with how much they put on the boo-boo face. “Oh no, what will I do?’, they loudly proclaim, head thrown back and palm against their forehead for effect. And the Oscar goes to… Some of these people, when they can’t get exactly what they want, could easily be top contenders.

Freeballing: The guys come in and they’re not wearing any drawers. Their stuff is covered and just flopping around. Sometimes, it’s a nice sight. Most of the time, not at all. Put on some drawers already. Geez!

Heat Index: This means it feels hotter than it actually is. I don’t care about all of that. Do I need a jacket? That’s all I need to know. Really, it is.

Flavored Jelly Beans: We had some at the store. Gourmet jelly beans that taste like buttered popcorn. And surprisingly, they were better than they sound. They had a weird aftertaste and kind of left a greasy feeling film in your mouth, but they did have a really accurate buttered popcorn flavor and taste. Not bad at all.

Nose Hair: Don’t be walking around with the Greek National Forest hanging out of your nose. Trim that shit. Your eyebrows and pubes too. No one likes a wooly booger.

Soap Opera: Working in a retail environment would make a great setting for a soap opera. A small store would make for a great sitcom or movie, but a bigger store, it has soap opera written all over it. Just imagine the stuff that goes on at Wal-Mart that we don’t see or hear about. Drama, relationship, comedy, and lots of people with a story to tell. If that’s not the perfect setting for a soap opera, I don’t know what is.

Story Time: Here’s an idea I had for a story. A spider moves into a new home, but he’s lonely and since he’s a brown recluse, he doesn’t know how to make friends. A neighbor, a mouse, notices this and throws him a party so he can make friends and be happy. And then he bites the mouse and the mouse dies. Okay, so maybe not that last part, but it was an idea for a children’s book. I might have to follow up on this one.

More Story Time: And here’s an outline for a story about a man who pissed off the Crocodile God. This one, I think I will follow up on. Watch for it, coming soon.

Caveman: It’s a person I know and I had made a note to look him up and see if he’s still in the ‘Burg. He’s a sexy dude. And I did. Yes, he is both still in the ‘Burg and still sexy as hell. I want to rock his world. Probably won’t ever happen, but a guy can fantasize, right?

Question: What is OPP and why were we supposed to get down with it? Inquiring minds want to know.

Fuzzy Belly: I love to see a strapping young man, preferably from the local college, who stretches, exposing the belly, and a fuzzy stomach and belly button, the goody trail. That is so freaking hot! Unless it’s a female. And then, the fuzzy belly isn’t quite as hot.

Escape: Here’s an idea to do a reaction video with the infamous Pina Colada song. My camera has quit working so this one, which would be fun to do, will have to be put on hold until later. But one day, I need to do it. I love that song but hate that song as well. And every time I hear it, I want to bust someone in the mouth.

And I guess it’s time to wrap this up. I’m out of notes. Well, I’m actually not, but the rest are far more out there and single-focused on things that no one else would care about. Okay, maybe a few of these that I posted, like fuzzy bellies, that’s just for my own amusement, but the remaining ones, you wouldn’t get it.

So as I was saying, any comments, thoughts, or questions you may have, feel free to drop me a line, and let’s discuss matters. Until the next time, take care of yourself and be good. I’ll see you at the Copy Machine.

Ubuntu!