Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Kelly
Dreams, Surprises, Assumptions & More
March 5, 2022
DougMaynard.com

As most of my regular readers know, I like to answer questions. I have no secrets and what you see is what you get. Following in the tradition of the ever so ghostly Casper (@Da_ghostly_host), I have found yet another esteemed questioner in the land of Twitter. Her name is Kelly (@Kelly_ques). And since she’s asking, it’s time for me to try and answer. It’s Questions By Kelly. Let’s do this.

What’s one thing that bothers you most about the world today?

There are so many things I could say here, but I’ll just go with one, as the question asks. What bothers me most? Entitlement? Everyone seems to feel that the world owes them something, that the government owes them something, that I owe them something. I have news for you, Snowflake. Nobody owes you anything. If you want something, work for it and earn it, period. No one is better than anyone else and deserves special treatment or more privilege than anyone else. It’s just that simple, and if you feel differently, that you deserve special rights because of your gender, your race, your sexual orientation, or for any reason really, get over it. If you want something, earn it. Otherwise, just shut the hell up!

What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?

Two of them actually. The first is making an album. I can’t sing worth a shit, but I’ve always wanted to do an album of covers of my favorite songs. And the other is being a part of a professional wrestling match or story. Getting beaten up at ringside or causing a distraction to help my favorites. I realize my options are limited these days, given that I’m in a wheelchair with only one leg, but hopefully, that last one may still happen. I’m working on that.

Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not?

I don’t like surprises unless it’s a naked man waiting in my bed at night when I decide to go to bed. Otherwise, surprises are generally not good things.

What would an amusement park designed specifically to make you happy, be like?

I’m a simple man of simple tastes so a classic amusement park, with rides, a haunted house, a house of mirrors, etc, would be perfectly fine with me.

If you had to choose country music or rap, which would you choose?

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the West Texas Rednecks with my answer. Tell ’em guys.

What great idea would you like to try if you had enough money?

A professional studio, for both audio and video projects for my bro and I to work our creative magic, and a large format to display the results of our efforts.

If you could only eat pizza or tacos, which would you choose?

Tacos are good, but I’d go with the pizza. And yes, it’d have pineapple on top.

What if you found out that you were the star of the Truman Show?

I’d say that I need some new writers. So far, this show has been pretty damn weird.

What do you think people automatically assume about you when they look at you?

That I’m a happy, go-lucky person without a care in the world. I wish, but that’s generally not the case. Have you ever heard of the tears of a clown, somewhere between Hendrix & Robin Williams? Yes, I just stole some Jelly Roll lyrics. They fit. And now, go watch Jelly and Struggle. This is the song and it rocks!

What’s something you learned recently that you really should have already known?

That big hands and big feet don’t always mean big… well, you know. Sometimes, yes, but at other times, not really, damn it!

What piece of culture or trend has died out, but you would like to see make a comeback?

How about honesty or respect? How about manners? How about people being truthful and their words meaning something? All of those have seemingly been forgotten and are very missed. And if you want something more trendy and realistic, how about family dinners? Everyone together at the dinner hour to share the family experience. It was pretty cool growing up and I’d like to see it back.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions you may have are welcome and appreciated. Thanks again to Kelly for the questions. Until the next time, be safe and take care.I’ll see you at the Ponderosa.

Ubuntu!