Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Clothing, Hugs, Forgery & More
March 10, 2022
DougMaynard.com

Most people with a name like Casper would go, “Boo!”. This Casper, he says, “Can I ask you a question?”. And you know me. If you ask, I’ll answer. And now, here we are. It’s Questions By Casper and it starts right now.

What is the worst hair color?

It’s not really bad, but I’ve never gotten used to people with neon orange hair. It looks like their freaking head is on fire. What’s up with that? I want to scream at them, “Hey flame head, go stick your face in a sink!”. It’s just not a good look. Oy vey!

Do you save your laundry lint?

No, I do not and why would anyone? That is disgusting, not to mention weird.

What is something you’d never wear?

Stretchy pants… and I can already hear everyone going, ‘Thank God for that!”. I know my body, and although I am truly a sexy man-beast in every sense of the word, stretchy pants are not my style. Not now and not ever.

Are you where you want to be in life?

Nope. I want to be back working, financially successful (rich as fuck) and have a good-looking young St. Andrews guy as my personal assistant. It’s all still a work in progress.

If someone’s running mate for president wasn’t a USA citizen, what happens if the president gets taken out?

I would guess that they’d bring them a doggy bag. Oh, wait, my bad. You said “taken out” and I was thinking taken out as in for dinner. It all depends. If they’re Democrats, nothing happens and it’s fake news. If they’re Republicans, there is a Congressional Investigation and two fake impeachments (at least), while the Speaker gets shit-faced drunk on impounded Russian vodka.

Would you vote for Melania Trump if she ran for office?

Probably not. It would all depend on the office and who she’s running against, but I vote for the person based on qualifications and what I think they can do for our country, not because of gender, race, or who they happen to be related to. I’m not a Democrat after all.

When going in for a hug, do you expect the other person to put their arms over or under yours?

I go for the inside to pull them in close so the recipient of the hug has to put their arms over mine.

What is something you’ve always wanted to know the answer to?

Who ordered the election volunteers to stop counting votes on the night of the 2020 Presidential Elections in the swing states, where Trump was leading, only for the counting to resume in the middle of the night after the poll-watchers and volunteers had gone home, with Biden suddenly in the lead? Who gave the order? Inquiring minds want to know.

Is there such a thing as being too sexy?

Maybe, but I’ll try to hold it in as not to bedazzle everyone too much.

Have you ever forged someone’s signature?

I think, when I was in school, I could do my Mom’s signature better than she could. And my buddy’s Mom too. When it came to notes from home, I was everybody’s parental unit in the neighborhood.

And there you go. My thanks to Casper (@da_ghostly_host) for all the great questions. And a big thank you to you for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions of your own about anything at all, feel free to ask. Until the next time, take care and be safe. Don’t be a Jussie unless you want jail time and a big fine. I’ll see you at the snack bar.

Ubuntu!