Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Lights, A Diary, and Birds & The Bees
November 20, 2022
DougMaynard.com

Well, it’s Sunday and I’m kind of in my feelings right now. I have so many things that I should be doing, but all I want to do is just go crawl back into bed and hide away from everyone and everything. That’s what I want to do, but I’ll compromise. I’ll do a Day of Dougie instead.

I’m so damn tired of being alone all the time. I miss my friends, back when I had friends anyhow. Now, it seems more that I only have acquaintances and associates. It’s not their fault. Life has taken over and with families, jobs, and other responsibilities, who has time for a one-legged fat guy who is moody as fuck, drinks too much, and keeps building up walls that have to be knocked down or side-stepped in order to have any kind of relationship with? As Cheech and Chong once said, “Ain’t life a cocksucker?”.

I hate being alone, but unless I’m at work, it’s all I know anymore. I can’t just cut loose and relax because I have responsibilities and people I have to look after. I just want to vanish and go away. Just far, far away. Sighs. Let’s get the Magic Bag and get this over with. And then I’m going back to bed.

I have the infamous Magic Bag in hand and the topics for today are as follows. We have Lights, A Diary, and the Birds & The Bees. This won’t take long. Let’s do this.

Lights

If you turn them on, you can see. If you don’t, it’s dark and you can’t see shit. Watch out for that cat puke on the floor. Oops! Too bad. You should have turned on the lights. Next time, you’ll know better. Damn cats!

A Diary

I have a few of those from the old days, although I call them my journals. I really do need to destroy and get rid of those things. They have names and dates and could get a lot of people in trouble. That’s what I should do, but they also have memories of better, more enjoyable times when I was a different person. In some ways, better, and in other ways, kind of sad, but I had no fear, no real worries, and I enjoyed whatever and whoever life threw in my direction. I really should destroy those things. Maybe one day.

Birds & The Bees

The Birds and the Bees is the talk we should all hear sometime around when puberty hits. There are two sexes, men and women. Just two genders, nothing more. And sometimes, men and women fall in love. There are deviations of this as sometimes men love men and women love women, but the normal standards are men and women meet and feel attraction to each other. And our bodies change and our feelings grow and develop and people become attracted to other people. And shit happens. And there you go. And now, here’s a book. Yeah, that’s how it went for me, with the exception of the actual talk. I just got a book. Thank goodness for movies, Playboy, and erotic novels. I’m still waiting on the rest of the sex talk, but I think I’ve figured most of it out by now. If he’s cute, smile and says, “How you doing?” and let nature take its course. And of course, if they’re not interested at first, twenty bucks is twenty bucks, right? ‘Nuff said!

And there you go. My apologies for this being such a Debbie Downer, but it gets that way sometimes. I’ll try to do better next time and make it more interesting and fun. Or maybe I’ll just stick to the wrestling stuff. Survivor Series is coming up next weekend and it’s the return of the War Games. Yay! We’ll see how things go.

So thanks for reading. Any comments, questions, or thoughts are welcome and appreciated. And if you live in the ‘Burg and want to hang out, drink an adult beverage or two, and listen to a man bitch and complain, let me know. I need to talk to someone soon before I totally lose it and go insane. Oops. Probably too late, but I still need some time off for some bad behavior so call me.

And now, I’m gone. Time to go back to bed. I love ya’ll. Just keeping it real. I’ll see you next time.

Ubuntu!