Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie:
Ice Cream, Washington D.C., & The Dean Martin Roasts
December 8, 2022
DougMaynard.com

It’s 3:38 in the morning. Why am I awake? Greetings and salutations, my friends. Welcome to a brand new Day of Dougie. I can’t sleep. Okay, that’s not totally true. I just finished watching the last three episodes of Wednesday, the new series on Netflix about Wednesday Addams. I watched the first five episodes last night and finished up tonight. It’s good. Watch it. And that’s why I’m awake. I’ve been doing a solo version of the whole Netflix & Chill routine. Damn, I need a man! But long story short, I meant to go to bed many hours ago and watched Netflix instead. And now I’m wide awake. But I don’t have to get up in the morning for any reason that I know of so it’s all good. I’ll go to bed shortly, but before I do, why not write a bit? That sounds like a plan so here we go. It’s time for a Day of Dougie. Now, shall we begin? Let’s go.

Let’s just get right to work. Where is the Magic Bag at? I’ve got it right here so let’s reach inside and find three topics of discussion. We have Ice Cream, Washington D.C., and the Dean Martin Roasts. This one might be fun. Are you ready? Let’s do this.

Ice Cream

Ice cream? What can I say about ice cream that would be interesting, relevant, and hasn’t already been said a million times? It’s cold. It freezes the brain if you eat it too fast. It comes in a variety of flavors. It’s a great comfort food. It’s cold. And my favorite flavor is Orange Sherbert, which isn’t technically ice cream, but it still is at the same time. I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream. And I’m running out of ways to say things without actually saying anything. I do that sometimes. Ice cream? It’s cold. Let’s move on.

Washington D.C.

I suppose that you think I’ll be talking about all the dunderheads in our nation’s capital, don’t you? Well, I could do that, but I’ll save my rants and complaints about the corruption and rat-bastards in Washington for a Twitter rant. Lord knows I do enough of them. Instead, I’ll talk about the first thing non-political that comes to mind when I think of Washington. A road trip.

Back in the late 80s, two friends of mine, Alex and Wakana, and I went up to Washington for a couple of days. Our purpose was to get our passports stamped at the Japanese Embassy for a future trip to Japan where Alex and I would be going home with Wakana for the summer. On the first day there, we got our business taken care of and got our passports stamped. No big deal, but the Japanese Embassy was an amazing place to visit. And then we went to our motel to party before heading back to Laurinburg the next day. We drank. We had two guys from Kenya come over to our room whom we had met at the Embassy and they partied with us for a few hours. We drank. I got sick and projectile vomited some McDonald’s food we had gotten earlier. I cleaned up. We drank. And then we came home. It was an epic adventure. RIP Alex and Wakana. I miss you two so much sometimes. And thank you for the memories. I could go into more detail about this trip, but time is running out on me and I’m getting tired. Let’s move on to the final topic.

The Dean Martin Roasts

There was a time in our nation when everyone didn’t have a stick up their ass and people could laugh and not be constantly offended. Every week, singer Dean Martin and a dozen or so of his Hollywood friends proved this when they did a roast for one of their peers. No joke was too racist or corny or off-limits. It was comedy and it was good-natured humor. It was funny and it was a better time. Watching Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Don Rickles, Milton Berle, Jack Benny, Phyllis Diller, and so many others up there and making fun of themselves and each other was comedy gold. They still do Roasts on Comedy Central sometimes that are based on these shows, but the Comedy Central roasts are generally vulgar and more for just shock value than anything else. Unlike these, the Martin Roasts were funny. It was a better time. I miss those days.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions you may have about this column or anything on the site, just give me a shout and we’ll talk about it. I’m here for and because of you. Thank you! And with that, I guess it’s time to call it a night. I’m getting tired now. Before I forget, keep your eyes on the site from December 13th through December 24th. It’s the Twelve Days of Dougie Christmas, where I do a new Day of Dougie column every day and at least one of the topics of discussion will be Christmas related. It’s kind of a tradition around here and always fun so watch for it. And with that reminder, I’m down and gone. I’ll see you next time. Love you – mean it!

Ubuntu!