Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Grass Cutting, Feed A Woman, and William & Rosalie
December 10, 2022
DougMaynard.com

Yes, it’s another edition of A Day of Dougie, as I warm up for the Christmas spectacular coming up on December 13th and running through December 24th, Christmas Eve, it’s The Twelve Days of Dougie Christmas. Watch for it. You’ve been warned.

But that’s in the future and this is now. Let’s get the Magic Bag out, find three topics for discussion, and get this show on the road if you will. We’ve got the bag and what I’m talking and writing about today will be Grass Cutting, Feed A Woman, and William & Rosalie. I think this one will either end up getting me in trouble or getting all caught up in m feelings. Let’s find out, shall we? Let’s do this.

Grass Cutting

I hate to mow the grass. Yes, I admit it. When it comes to doing outside work, and yard work, I utterly despise it. I didn’t mind raking up leaves back in the day when I would have ten of my closest associates, plus about twenty people I didn’t know, all gathered in the backyard for a bonfire and consumption of alcoholic beverages. Of course, that was thirty years ago and we needed the leaves to build the fire. Raking was fun then or at least a necessary evil. But now, I’d rather just hire someone, preferably cute so I can watch them and lust when they take the shirt off and just get the yard cleaned up that way. And guys, if you’re ever cleaning up my yard and want a big tip, ask me how. Just saying.

Maybe when I get older, live here alone, and have a snappy riding mower to scoot around on, I’ll change and become one of those grouchy old men who mow their grass twice a week and have to have their yards looking absolutely perfect. I’ve already gotten the grouchy old man part down pat. Hey kids, get off my lawn, pull up your pants, and go get a damn haircut. Now, where’s that paperboy? No, I don’t think I’ll ever get that bad. Me and outside are not compatible. I don’t even need a lawn. I just need to be in the middle of the woods somewhere. Works for me.

Feed A Woman

Now it’s time to get all sexist and make all of my female friends mad. No, the ladies of my life will get it and probably agree. Don’t let a woman get hungry. A hungry woman is an unhappy woman and if she’s not happy, no one will be happy. And that’s how it should be. Keep your woman happy and that means pampering her, listening to her, loving her, and by all means, feeding her. Damn, I’m glad I’m gay so I don’t have to worry about this shit. Guys are happy with a beer and sex. Women are much more complicated. But the bottom line is to keep her happy. Feed that woman and make her the Number One in your life. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.

William & Rosalie

These were two friends of mine when I was six, maybe seven years old. My parents had split up and we had moved to Quail Ridge Apartments in Raleigh, NC, and within a matter of weeks, I had found a new best friend in William. We watched Super Friends and other cartoons together on Saturday morning and William, Rosalie, and I was inseparable.

And what I remember most now was how much their Mom fawned over us. Just imagine the stereotype of every Jewish mother that you’ve ever heard of or seen and that was their Mom. The family was all practicing Jews and it was a little odd to the child that was me, but it wasn’t a big deal or anything. Just different. This all lasted for a little over a year and then they moved away to California and I never saw them again.

We did write for a while, but two seven-year-old kids writing letters back and forth doesn’t last long and we ended up losing touch. But I do have a few pictures and a lot of memories. And during these tough times, when my parents were splitting up, my Mom had a new boyfriend, and when I was getting regularly molested by that new boyfriend’s son and his friend, I had a friend who helped me get through it all. Two of them because they were a package deal. I miss those two.

And there you go. This one has gotten my allergies acting up a bit and I’m having memories flashback to me. I think I’m going to go watch a movie now. Thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions are welcome. And now, I’m out of here. Take care and stay safe, my friends. I’m Dougie and you’re not and today was my day. ‘Nuff said! I’ll see you next time.

Ubuntu!