Tossing Salt Presents:
12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas
Day 5: Bing Crosby, Marshall, and Snowflakes
December 17, 2022
DougMaynard.com

Are you still here? Based on the numbers that I’ve seen for the site, many of you are here and keep coming back. Thank you. You really know how to make this old man feel good. And we’re still here too with Day 5 of the Twelve (Dougie) Days of Christmas series. It’s the usual Day of Dougie with the random topics, but a little touch of Christmas is added in for good measure and fun times. And that’s my intro. Let’s do this.

I have the infamous Magic Bag in hand and it’s time to find out what I’m going to be talking about. We have Bing Crosby, Marshall, and Snowflakes. Okay, I’ll try to behave because the ideas are already forming in my head. Let’s go.

Bing Crosby

The legendary crooner, singer, and actor from years gone by. I’m not a big fan of Mr. Crosby, but I love the music he helped to create. Can a Christmas holiday pass without listening to Bing croon the song White Christmas? And for me, it’s his classic duet with David Bowie, doing The Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth. Crosby also had a great movie career, working with Bob Hope, as well as starring in many westerns. He was a well-rounded consummate entertainer.

He wasn’t much of a parent according to his kids, but it was a different era and time and I’m not going to judge that part of his life. So far as Crosby goes, I’ll just listen to him sing. He’s got a big head. Has anyone else ever noticed that? Watch the video with him and Bowie together and Crosby’s head is enormous. It’s freaking huge. I guess that helps the singing come out easier. What was I saying? The songs and talent. That’s what I think of and remember when I hear or see Bing Crosby (along with the big head). A true musical icon. Without Crosby crooning in the background, is it really Christmas?

Marshall

Marshall, aka Marshall C. Martin II, was an absolutely awesome dude I met and worked with down in Wilmington, NC, when I was the store manager for Dairy Mart #5416 on Wrightsville Ave. Just a big sweet teddy bear of a dude that I liked from the first meeting and was one of my favorite coworkers at the store. One of my favorite drinking buddies too. What can I say about Marsh? I’ve got it. Let me tell a quick Marshall story. This is also Christmas related so it fits this blog.

One night, while down at the store to help Jamie, who was the employee scheduled to work that night, Marsh and I decided to drink a little bit. Okay, we drank a lot. It was a few days before Christmas and not as busy as we’d expected so while Jamie worked the register, Marshall and I did all the stocking and floor work and sat around in the stock room getting very intoxicated.

And well, there’s a song that we both liked called “Merry Christmas From The Family” by Robert Earl Keen. We decided to sing that song and well, it got pretty loud and we didn’t care, in the back room of the store, singing at the top of our lungs, while customers wandered in and out of the store and Jamie conducted business as usual. And finally, Jamie came back and told us that “everyone had been listening to us sing”.

So what did we do? Drank another shot and started singing some more. The customers of the Dairy Mart had live entertainment that night. Damn, we were blitzed. And then we ended up leaving, going to my apartment which was within walking distance of the store, and drinking some more until the liquor ran out and we passed out. Then I had to go in at 5:30 am the next morning to open up. Oy vey! But now, every time I hear that song by Robert Earl Keen, and it’s one of my favorites, I think of that night and laugh and start singing along.

And I think of Marsh too. He lives now in Johnson City, TN, if I recall correctly. I haven’t seen or heard from him in about ten or so years, but I really probably should track him down one day. He was just a really cool dude. I miss that guy.

Snowflakes

So what is a snowflake? It’s a flake of snow that falls from the sky. No two look alike. Did you know that? Well, now you do.

What? Did you think I was going to get all political and talk about the modern definition of “snowflake”? Would I do that? Would I talk about the whiney stupid little idiots who have taken over our college campuses and taken to the streets whining and crying because life isn’t fair and they don’t always get their way? Would I talk about the people who are such strong defenders of free speech, but it has to agree with what they think, can’t offend anyone, can’t hurt feelings, or can’t be different from their pack mentality because if it is, then you’re wrong, you’re evil, you’re racist, etc.

Would I talk about the people who can’t handle rejection or oppression and have to retreat to their “safe spaces” when confronted by someone or something that doesn’t bow down to their every wish and desire? Would I talk about the people who want free health care, free education, higher wages, etc, but don’t want to work for or earn any of this?

They have no idea how to pay for stuff or how to take personal responsibility or suck it up and handle things, instead choosing to always place the blame for anything they don’t like or anything that goes wrong on someone else, who’s probably racist by the way. Would I talk about these foolish children with the common sense of an earthworm? No, I would NEVER do that.

It doesn’t bother me that they find classic songs that have been around for fifty-plus years “offensive” and demand that they not be played on the radio anymore, but at the same time, listen to rap songs about guys and their “bitches” and slapping the ho’s around and literally killing people.

It doesn’t bother me that they want to ban a show like “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” or “Rudolph the Red Noses Reindeer” for being racist and advocating bullying, but at the same time, support groups like Antifa and Black Lives Matter, which is racist and bully people.

Just because these people are total hypocrites with almost every move they make and every word they speak, I don’t care. I will never, ever talk about those people and the “snowflake” title they have earned and wear so bitterly. Those people, these “snowflakes” are jokes and clowns, and as Chris Jericho would say, “Stupid Idiots”. They’re not worth talking about.

Snowflakes. It’s fat water falling from the sky when it’s cold. And that’s all I have to say about that.

And I guess I’m ending it here. My thanks for reading. Comments, questions, and any thoughts are welcome and appreciated. And now, I’m going to bed. I’ll probably be back up shortly to write a Wrestling Q&A and pee, but until then, I bid you a fond good evening. Take care and be well, my friends. Back tomorrow with Day 6. Merry Christmas.

Ubuntu!