Tossing Salt Presents:
12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas
Day 8: Stranger Than Fiction, Korean BBQ & Dressing For Walmart
December 20, 2022
DougMaynard.com

I know you know Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen. There’s Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. And everyone knows who Rudolph is, right? But do you recall the most infamous Reindeer of all? His name was Leroy. He was a bad man, I mean reindeer. He gambled on all the reindeer games, let all the air out of the tires on Santa’s sleigh, and used the elves to clean his stalls. He had an affair with Bambi’s mama and the so-called hunters that put her down were hitmen after Leroy for gambling debts. Yes, it’s Leroy’s fault that they killed Bambi’s mother. And he died after catching rabies while mud-wrestling an infected raccoon. Mouth foaming, he went after Mrs. Claus and Santa had to nail him with the bag. And now you know.

And what does any of that have to do with the Twelve (Dougie) Days of Christmas, Day 8? Not a damn thing, but I was trying to think of an intro and that’s what I came up with. Now, as Paul Harvey used to say, you know “the rest of the story”. Now let’s get to the real introduction.

Twelve (Dougie) Days of Christmas. Day 8. Magic Bag. Three topics of discussion. Playing catch up. Blah blah blah! Now let’s find some topics. We have Stranger Than Fiction, Korean BBQ, and Dressing For Walmart. So are you ready? Let’s do this.

Stranger Than Fiction

The first thing that came to mind upon seeing these words was a scene from a classic Three Stooges short called “Disorder In The Court”. Picture this. Curly is on the stand and the Baliff tries to administer the oath to him. “Do you swear?”, the Judge says and Curly responds with, “No, but I know all the words!” And then it proceeds on and finally a frustrated Judge asks Curly, “Do you swear to tell the truth!”. And Curley replies, “Truth is stranger than fiction, Judgie Wudgie!”. It’s just a classic, funny comedic piece of television history. I’ll put the clip here to show just how awesome the Stooges truly were. Enjoy.

Korean BBQ

And what comes to mind when I see those two words? Those poor, poor dogs. Or maybe it’s a horse? Hell, it could be donkeys. Any meat will do. Okay, I’m just kidding. I have no idea what the difference is between classic American BBQ and Korean BBQ except for the name. Let me look it up and figure out what the difference truly is.

I googled and there isn’t any difference except for the sauces and a slight difference in the preparation. Or that’s what they want us to think. I still think the primary difference is that real BBQ is made of beef and pork while Korean BBQ is just dog. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. And there you go.

Dressing For Walmart

And finally, we had to dress up to go to Walmart. And this one can count as my Christmas-related topic of discussion since going to Walmart is one of the necessary evils when it comes to Christmas shopping, something that I still need to start on soon. I think I’ll probably just go with liquor bottles and cash and keep it simple. I may end up going to Walmart and trying to find something for the little ones tomorrow night after work, but I hate Walmart. I really do.

But if I do go to Walmart, I want to make sure I’ve dressed appropriately. So that means pajamas, fuzzy house shoes, tasteless ripped t-shirts, curlers, a ball cap, and a pair of pink underwear exposed for all the world to see. Am I missing anything? Just think tacky and looking as close to either having just gotten out of bed or being a homeless crackhead, think Hunter Biden’s adventures with the hookers, and you’ve got it. Maybe I should add a “People of Walmart” video here to make the point. Yeah, that’ll work because I’m tired of writing and still need to go get some dinner in my body. So here’s a video. And that is truly ’nuff said!

And there you go. Now we’re finally caught up and on track again. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions you may have about anything, please feel free and give me a shout. I’ll be back in the morning with Day 9 as we enter the short rows and start to wind down. Yeah, it’s almost here. I hope everyone is doing well and the holidays are working out in your favor. Merry Christmas, my Peeps. I’ll see you in the morning.

Ubuntu!