Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #5
Random Twitter Q&A
March 2, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter timeline. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Reboot Hee Haw. Who would your hosts be?

For the original Hee Haw, the hosts were Buck Owens & Roy Clark, so to find two artists to take those spots, they’d have to be talented, entertaining, charismatic, and funny. Not many people can fit all of those titles, but I’m sure we can think of somebody. How about Travis Tritt & Marty Stuart? They’re great friends, have great chemistry, and would be fun picks for the new hosts of Cornfield County.

What turns a man gay?

From my experience, about three beers, sometimes four, discretion, and opportunity.

What turns a woman into a lesbian?

The man in her life continually pisses her off, while her best friend, another woman, is consoling and comforting in her time of need. Add a bottle of wine and there you go.

You’ll do anything for love, but that. What is that?

Give up my rasslin’ or my cats. Anything else is negotiable.

What is a perfect night out?

Good friends, a bonfire in the country, plenty of music and booze, and an old dirt road.

Are you comfortable going out in public?

I try to avoid it as often as possible, but if it has to be done, I can and will do so. I just don’t like people.

What is a lie that you hear every day?

“It’s not for me. I don’t drink!”. This comes from regular customers at my job, in a liquor store, that come in four or five times a week, always get the same things, and have been doing so for years.

Are you a clock watcher?

Only when the end of the night is approaching and I’m ready to go home. Otherwise, not so much.

Without Googling, who is the greatest masked character you can think of?

As a wrestling aficionado, many names immediately come to mind, but I still have to go with the best of the best. Batman! ‘Nuff said!

Can you name a Sean Connery movie you like that is not The Untouchables or The Rock?

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. A very cool movie that definitely rocks! And Connery’s James Bond movies were pretty good too.

If you knew you would return home safely, would travel to the moon and back?

Hell no. I don’t even like going to work or Wal-Mart. The moon? That’s too damn far for me.

Do you like having someone give you a head rub?

I love it when someone is rubbing and playing with my head. It feels so damn good, I’d do almost anything for that person.

Where are your thoughts on Michael Jackson? Do you think he was guilty of the accusations? Do you think his death was accidental?

A great entertainer and I loved his music. I think he was an odd cat to be sure, but I don’t think he was a child molester. There are too many holes in so many of the accusations, it just doesn’t add up. And was his death an accident? My gut feelings say no to that as well.

What’s something you’re tired of finding on your car?

That damn yellow pollen. It’s everywhere!

And there you go. This one was short and sweet, but it’s in the books now and it’s time to wrap things up. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And now, I’m going to bed. Take care and be well and I’ll see you at the bar.

Ubuntu!