Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #11
Random Twitter Q&A
March 13, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

If you won an all-expenses paid vacation to 49 of the 50 states, which one would you exclude?

California. I have no desire to watch drug addicts defecate on the streets, walk around tent cities as I attempt to talk down the sidewalk or get mugged/raped by an illegal alien. What used to be a fairly decent state has gone to hell through the poor leadership, the overly-entitled citizens, and the absolute craziness and insanity that seems to have taken over the majority of residents in that state.

Who is the greatest Doctor of all time?

Do we go with Bones McCoy from the U.S.S. Enterprise, Fake First Lady and fake doctor Jill Biden, Dr. Dolittle who talks to the animals, Dr. Jeckyll, of the multiple personalities, Dr. Joyce Brothers who was a 1970s know-it-all, or Doctor Bombay, who treated witches and warlocks of all their medical ailments. The greatest doctor? Dr. Gregory House of course. Who else could it be? Just don’t say it’s lupus.

Should the United States do away with daylight savings time?

I don’t know and honestly, could care less one way or the other. I don’t get enough sleep regardless of what the clock says.

What was cool when you were young, but isn’t cool now?

Collecting and playing with action figures. It was cool as a kid, but when I do it now, everyone just seems to look at me funny. Growing up sucks!

Do animals have souls?

How can you look into the eyes of a cat or a dog and think anything differently? Animals are usually far better people than most people, more real and more sincere. Also, aren’t people technically animals? So why would anything think we get souls and the rest of the animals don’t? Yes, we all have souls, be it the two-legged or four-legged creatures.

Given the choice, biscuits & gravy or eggs Benedict?

Give me that biscuits and gravy. I’m actually kind of hungry and that sounds mighty good right now.

Are you boycotting Hershey’s for going woke?

Nope. I think it’s stupid, but I could care less if the people who make Hershey’s candies are woke or not. I like Snickers, Twix, and Zero Bars. I think those are all Nestles rather than Hershey’s. Just don’t fuck with my candy and they can be as brain-damaged or moronic as they choose to be.

What is the greatest spooky/scary story you’ve heard?

A politician made a speech one day. He said, “I’m from the Government and I’m here to help!” A cold chill ran down my spine and I knew immediately that we were screwed! And there you go. The end!

What unexpected experience completely changed you?

Being robbed at gunpoint kind of cemented my “don’t give a flip” attitude toward life. Being taken advantage of and lied to by the man I thought I loved made me put up walls and refuse to let anyone ever get too close again. And getting my ass whooped when I was 15 by an older boy I tried to jump on made me realize that I need to learn to keep my temper in check and pick my spots. And I do.

What is Joe Biden best known for in your opinion?

Aside from plagiarism, blatant lying and making up of stories, molesting his daughter, having a POS crackhead son, being so proud of throwing minorities in jail until he needed their votes and then lying about it, sniffing children, not being able to complete a sentence, appointing total incompetents to his Cabinet because of their race or gender rather than qualifications, and being a complete and total goof, I can’t think of anything. Maybe it’s talking about having kids rub his legs when he was a lifeguard, his confrontation with Corn Pop, who was a bad dude, or pooping himself while meeting the Pope? I don’t know what his most popular moment or trait can be. I have no idea.

What matters most to you? Words or actions?

Anyone can say anything but prove it. The old cliche is that actions speak louder than words. And it’s true. It’s damn true!

Would you date you?

No, I don’t think so. I’m a bit of a weirdo and give off weird, more cuckoo than cocoa puff vibes sometimes. I’d just hook up, sleep with me, and then ghost, as it should be.

What’s the safest place to put your money right now?

Under the mattress in my bedroom. I have two cats and a dog for security. Well, those babies and a shotgun, a couple of pistols, and some major bad attitude. My money ain’t going nowhere.

Who would win in a fight, Idaho or Utah?

Idaho would be throwing potatoes, but Utah would win the fight. They have those sneaky Mormon tactics going on and would indoctrinate before destroying from within.

What can instantly ruin a first date?

When his wife or girlfriend shows up. A definite mood killer every single time.

And there you go. One more for the books. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Take care and stay well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!