Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #120
Random Twitter Q&A
March 22, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

What is a name that is so outdated you can’t imagine ever naming someone that?

The first ones that came to mind for me are Abagail for a female and Boris for a male. And since there are only two genders, only two names need to be mentioned. Both of those sound like they would belong to a character in an old horror movie or one of Samantha Steven’s (Bewitched) Aunts or Uncles.

What instantly ruins a steak?

Seeing blood or the red, greasy juices flowing. I want my cow cooked and cooked well. No raw meat for me unless it’s a really cute guy that I met online or at Food Lion. If I want any red on my steak though, I’ll add A-1 or ketchup. Burn that bitch!

Which two actors do you think had the best on-screen chemistry? It doesn’t have to be romantic.

Jay & Silent Bob, aka Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes of course. Their real-life love & affection for each other is evident every time they appear together on camera.

What is the most important thing that must be beside your bed at night?

I do a check every night before I lay down and there must be my phone, my glasses, and a bottle of either water or Mt. Dew Zero on my small bookshelf. Anything less would be uncivilized.

When getting Gas are you more likely to pay at the pump or pay inside?

I always pay at the pump. Why would I want to have to go inside the store and socialize if it can be avoided? And also, given my many years of experience working in a retail environment, going inside the store and seeing the “cashiers” ignoring customers, being hateful and rude, and doing all manners of things that would have been a big no-no in my day, it infuriates me and gets the blood pressure up far too much. Why take chances that I might have to snap at an incompetent clerk if it can be avoided?

Which book or movie character do you relate to?

The character Dante in the movie Clerks. That was my life for so many years and his personality, with a small touch of Randall, his coworker, thrown in to account for the sarcasm and attitude towards a few particular customers, that’s me 100%. Go watch the movie Clerks, or Clerks 2, or hell, even Clerks 3, and you’ll see. Those characters are me, myself, and I, all wrapped up in a single package. It’s true. It’s damn true! And I’m not even supposed to be here today!

That one song that comes on the radio and remember exactly what life was like when you first heard it.

Hold Me Now by the Thompson Twins. For some reason, that song was played on the radio so much in 1983 when it came out and I was working at a place called Sinclair Building Center. I heard it so often that now, at the first note, I’m immediately taken back to working in the Garden Center, talking to Mr. Lou, the old man who was supposed to be “training me”, and being an absolute goof. I was sixteen at the time without a care in the world. Here’s the song. Enjoy!

What is the funniest thing your inner child wants to do?

If I told you, I’d have to kill you. What the hell? I’ll tell you anyhow. I want to build sand castles at the beach, play putt-putt golf, build a pillow fort to hide away in with my cats, and break out all of my old action figures and orchestrate a battle of epic proportions while laying on the floor. Or maybe I just want to go to Taco Bell and get a Taco/Burrito Cravings Pack. Hell, maybe all of those things. Growing up sucks!

Have you ever eaten venison?

I have and it’s okay, but not something I’m big on. All I could think of was the hunters killed Bambi’s mother and here we are, eating her. Oh well, pass the ketchup. It wasn’t a great moment.

What’s something you’d like to learn about chickens?

Why did they cross the road and what came first, them or the egg?

Who’s the greatest Canadian band of all time?

I can only think of two bands where the biggest part of their identities was being from the Great White North, eh, and that’s Rush and The Guess Who. I’ll go with Guess Who. And now I’ll play a video by them of a great song. Get off, you hosers, Eh! Here’s some music by Canada’s greatest band.

Biggest jerk on Twitter?

I could easily name any politician or any of about a million other people who are absolute morons, but I’ll make it personal instead. Why not? There is a guy whose handle is Certified Hustler or something like that and he has a podcast about wrestling called The Certified Wrestling Podcast. The “podcast” is lame as crap and usually just consists of him sitting in his car or just the camera focused on a piece of wall or carpet while he rambles about wrestling and tries to pretend he’s much more than he actually is. But that’s not why he’s a jerk. We met on Twitter and I’ll talk to anyone about wrestling. I listened to his stuff and shared some of it, and he returned the favor by commenting on and sharing some of my stuff as well. And then he sent me a couple of IMs and me being me, I don’t usually respond to IMs unless it’s someone I know personally or really like. I didn’t respond promptly and all of a sudden, he blocked me. It’s not a big deal and I could care less, but blocking someone because they don’t respond to your message immediately is childish and sad. But I’ve noticed that he has really thin skin and if you don’t agree with him on everything, he gets upset. I’m not the only one he’s blocked like this. Oh well, life goes on. And that’s why he’s a jerk. ‘Nuff said!

What restaurant did you remember fondly but you went back and it was trash?

I remember when Burger King and McDonald’s used to be nice. Now, not so much and I won’t go inside either of them if it can be avoided. Rude, poorly trained children at the counter and low-quality food or service. It’s just not the same.

What is the biggest thing about you that would probably surprise most people who don’t know you well?

That I’m actually and truly a pretty nice guy, until you piss me off or do me wrong. The sarcasm, the dirty jokes, and the scowl/smirk on my face is all just a mask that is hiding a true angel of epic proportions behind them. I like most people, again until you piss me off or intentionally try to hurt me. And then there’s a guy who will hurt you, take revenge, and make your life a living hell. No one wants to see that guy, but he’s there. Believe that!

Do you use chosen pronouns?

The only pronouns I use are the ones given at birth, he/him for guys and she/her for women. Just because someone is mentally ill and wants to play in the land of make-believe doesn’t mean that I have to play there too. Just grow the hell up already.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated unless you’re the Certified Wrestling Hustler clown. He’s getting blocked, but hell, he started it. Until the next time, when hopefully my mood will be better and my answers funnier, I’m out of here. Be safe and stay well. Love you, mean it.

Ubuntu!