Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #21
Random Twitter Q&A
March 22, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Well, I just finished doing an edition of Questions (Not) By Casper, Edition #20 for those of you counting at home, and well, to be honest, it sucked! Maybe “sucked” is a hard word, but I just wasn’t feeling it when I went back and did a reading. I could go back and rewrite it, be more calculated with my answers, etc., but Homie don’t play that. When I write something, I am unfiltered and go with the first thing that comes to mind. I don’t hide or pretend. What you folks read is me at the moment I’m writing whatever it is that I’m writing.

So what should I do? I gave it a lot of thought and well, this is your lucky day. Here’s another edition of the Questions (Not) By Casper and I’ll try to be funny. Also sarcastic, reflective, and whatever else other emotion comes into play. Just remember, I do this for you. Well for you and to work out my demons and keep them from opening a can of whoop-ass on the world. Let’s just say we both benefit, you with entertainment and me with a creative outlet to express myself. It’s a win-win for sure. And now, let’s proceed, shall we? It’s Edition 21 of Questions (Not) By Casper. Let’s do this.

Have you ever visited a mental health hospital/insane asylum?

I’ve worked in retail and customer service for over forty years now so I think the answer to this would be a definite “Yes!”. Forty years of dealing with the most insane, craziest, just absolutely bat-shit-crazy lunatics in existence, worse than Detroit, and that’s been my life. It might not technically be an asylum, but it’s close enough for this question.

Can you say you are truly HAPPY in your life?

At the moment, not even close. I’m putting on the masks and going through the motions. In the past three years, I’ve lost two siblings and my leg and it’s been a rough ride. I’m also watching my Mom gradually drift away as her health declines and I’m helpless to do anything. So happy isn’t an apt description right now. I have been happy before, kind of, and I know that I’ll be happy again one day, but for now, I just keep on keeping on, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. It’s life. ‘Nuff said!

What’s your favorite thing to do on Sunday?

Wake up, shower, write, and just go with the flow. Just being able to relax for a few minutes and either read or watch a movie works for me.

DaVinci said time was a river. We only know how to navigate it one way. In theory, do you believe time travel is possible?

Time travel? Sure, why not. All we need to do is find an old phone booth, talk to a man named Rufus, have a history report to complete, and be excellent to each other and there you go. At least in theory, that’s how it works. Either that or buy a DeLorean.

Without Googling, Can you name a Famous “Drummer”?

When it comes to drumming, the answer is always Ringo. He may not be the best drummer of all time, but he’s a Beatle. He’s Ringo and that’s all that needs to be said. Oh yeah, he was also Mr. Conducter. Ringo is and will always be The Man! And he drums too.

Who would you like to see play the next James Bond?

Either Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson or Johnny Depp. Why not? Between those two men, they’ve played every other character in the history of movies/books/comics, etc. So James Bond? Sure, why the hell not? I’d go see the movie.

Is Richard Pryor the greatest comedian of all time?

Richard Pryor was awesome and truly belongs in anyone’s Top Ten of Comedians. But the greatest of all time? Being the GOAT of any profession is subjective to argument and opinion. Pryor is awesome, but what about George Carlin, Joan Rivers, Don Rickles, Chris Rock, Redd Foxx, Dane Cook, Bill Cosby, Fozzy Bear, etc? Okay, maybe not Dane Cook, but you get the point, right? Pryor was amazing and for some people, he’s the GOAT. Not for me, but he is right up there near the top and will always be.

What are your two favorite Van Halen songs?

These two songs right here.

What do you want more than anything else in the world?

For common sense to make a return in this world of ours rather than being an anomaly and for everyone to just get along and love one another. And a night in the woods, at a bonfire, with plenty of alcohol and about fifteen or twenty of my closest friends, most of who I’ve probably never met before in my life. But that last part is optional. The first part, I’m serious.

What is your favorite way to spend a day off?

Sleeping, writing, getting stuff done, and taking a nap. Especially the nap part.

Is Lebron James the greatest basketball player of all time?

He’s okay for an overbearing ass clown, but the greatest of all time? I think that Michael Jordon would beg to differ.

You can start your own Band tomorrow picking any Musicians you choose. Who would you pick? 1 lead singer, 1 Bass, 1 drummer, 1 guitarist, and 1 Keyboardist. For fun, what would be the name of your band?

My own super-band? Where would I fit in? Helping with the songwriting and playing the tambourine, I guess. So who would be in this esteemed group? I’ll go with artists that are alive and still with us since a dead performer would probably creep everyone else in the band out and they wouldn’t be at their best. My lead singer would be Alice Cooper. On bass, we’d have Paul McCartney. For drums, we’d go with Tommy Lee. My guitarist would be Dweezil Zappa, and we’d put Elton John on the keyboards. And the name of the band? If I’m picking the name, it’d either be “Tossing Salt” to promote my brand or “The Bed”, referring to a story involving Alice Cooper, Paul McCartney, and Groucho Marx. And there you go.

What’s a quote from a book or movie that you really like?

In the book and then movie “The Hotel New Hampshire”, the quote is, “Keep passing the open windows!”

Who would you tell Trump to choose for his running mate in 2024?

Of the current names out there, I like Nikki Hayley the best. She’s a female, a minority, and did an excellent job, in my opinion, as the Governor of South Carolina and with the United Nations. She’s every Democrat’s nightmare come true as she cancels out the race card, the gender card, and the qualifications card, having both domestic and foreign affairs experience. I think she’d be a great choice.

What word or phrase annoys you?

Either using the term, “Let me hold something!”, as a greeting or replying to a text message with a “K”. Both of those make me want to punch somebody in the face repeatedly.

And there you go. Another edition of the Casper Q&A thingy in the books and I think this one turned out much better. Let me know what you think along with any comments, thoughts, or questions you’d like to ask about anything at all. Nothing is off limits and I’ll never lie to you. I might be a bit of a smart-ass or sarcastic, but this, and everything I write, is all Dougie, 100% raw and unfiltered. You’re welcome.

So that wraps this up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ve got to go fold some towels now and then, I think it’s time for a nap. Be good and I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!