Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #30
Random Twitter Q&A
April 3, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

If you could hire someone to help you, would it be cleaning, cooking, or gardening?

I love to cook so that’s not something I’d be willing to give up or need help with. Gardening means going outside and I don’t much care for outside except late at night so that’s not a problem either. But the cleaning part. I have two cats, a dog, and Mom here, and trying to clean up after everyone is not an easy thing, especially when I have trouble getting around myself. I’m trying, but it’s hard. Give me a housekeeper to help with the cleaning. That would be awesome!

When was the last time you got angry?

Angry at myself or angry/frustrated at life. Almost every day so I would guess that the last time was probably last night. I haven’t been up long enough to think too much this morning so I’m still in a good mood. Let’s go with last night.

Imagine you no longer have to work. How would you spend a Monday?

Well, due to my disability, I don’t have to work, but I still do because I work with some great people and enjoy my job. But if I wasn’t working, I’d get up, shower, sweep my kitchen, talk to my cats, write some stuff for my site, and piss some people off on Twitter because they’re morons and deserve to be pissed off. And then I’d take a nap.

What’s your favorite song which starts with the letter D?

How about this 70s classic by Rick Dees. It’s that Disco Duck!

Skill or popularity?

I could care less if people like me or not, but having a skill is almost always a useful thing. Ask your boyfriend. He knows.

Do you prefer to be the passenger or the driver?

I hate driving and in all honesty, most people who ride with me hate my driving too. If I can get someone else to take the wheel, I gladly will do exactly that. And if I have to drive, I’ll do it, but I won’t be happy.

What’s your favorite food combination?

Slices of summer sausage, a piece of cheese, and a Ritz cracker. It’s a great late-night snack.

Would you rather marry the most boring person you know or the most intense and demanding person you know?

Well, the most intense person I know has a wife and is very much a straight guy so I couldn’t marry him even if I wanted to. Plus I don’t like being told what to do or being bossed around unless whips and spankings are involved so that would be an issue too. I’ll take Mr. Boring. I’m kind of set in my ways and for many, I would be boring too so we’d probably get along pretty well.

What is your favorite website?

A little site called DougMaynard.com. It’s written by this cool, yet slightly odd dude who isn’t politically correct, says what he thinks, and is a truly sexy beast. If you like wrestling or surveys/Q&As/lots of random stuff, this is the site for you. Tell your friends. Subscribe. It’s different. It truly is.

What is the bravest thing you’ve done in your life?

Every day, I get up and go out to face the craziness that this world has become. I think that would qualify. And if a specific thing is desired, I decided to get my leg amputated rather than continue to deal with constant pain and most likely eventual death. Yeah, I know that I didn’t have an alternative really, but I didn’t want to do it, but grit my teeth and made the call anyhow knowing that my life would change forever. And it has.

Would you rather receive cleaning supplies or a weighing scale as a present?

Cleaning supplies. I already know I’m fat and I don’t need any machine to remind me.

If you had to describe how you’re feeling right now as a weather pattern, what’s your forecast?

A bit of fog, but the skies will be clearing up soon.

What three words best describe you?

Stink, stank, stunk. No, that’s not me. That’s the Grinch. My bad! For me, I’ll go with twisted, observant, and incredibly sexy. Maybe delusional too, but that would be four words so never mind.

Do you like having someone give you a head rub?

I love it. That’s one of the best feelings when they pull my hair… I mean rub my head. It feels so good.

If you could go on a road trip with any person (dead or alive), who would you choose and where would you go?

Three of my amazing friends, Kenneth, Theresa, and Brent, so they could all meet each other and learn how important all of them are to me and in my crazy little life. As to where, how about the Mall in Fayetteville? I hate traveling and long trips and a trip to the mall is more than enough to cover the basics of a fun day and still come home at night.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And now, I have to go to work. Stay safe and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!