Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #29
Random Twitter Q&A
April 2, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

What’s a song by REM that you really like?

REM is an amazing musical act and they have many songs, including Losing My Religion, that I quite enjoy. But my favorite? It’s this one right here.

What movie had you saying “What The F*ck” the most while watching it?

A movie called A Serbian Film. I felt physically sick due to parts of this movie. It’s very disturbing and seeing it one time was more than enough.

What is your weirdest habit?

I am a man of many weird habits, but the oddest one? I’ll go with singing Sinatra songs to my cat. He seems to like it though and I’m pretty good with most of them so we’ll just go with that one.

If you had a private conversation with Vice President Pence what would you say to him?

Did you know that there was a fly on your head when you debated Kamala? Man, that was f*cked up!

Who is the greatest Dad of all time?

It’s a tie between my Dad and my stepdad. Neither was perfect and our relationships were messed up at times, but both of them always had my back and were there for me if I needed them. And that’s all that matters, right? Also, my bro, the Infamous One. There are many things that people might say about this man, but no one can ever say that he doesn’t love his kids and hasn’t been there for them. Those kids and his family come first over everything and always will, as they should be. He’s a great father, period. He’s pretty decent as a bro too. Love the guy way much.

Who is your favorite mutant ninja turtle?

The one that does martial arts and likes to eat pizza. Yeah, that one.

Would Batman be as good if Batman wasn’t in it?

Probably, but he has to be there anyhow. After all, his name is in the title.

Would you recommend green tea for a healthy drink over coffee?

I’d recommend boiling acid over coffee. I don’t drink the stuff. I’ve never liked it and never will. Tea isn’t much better, but I will drink that on occasion. I live in the south so drinking sweet tea (and chasing it with a Pepsi or a beer) is a required part of life. But coffee though? Bleh!

What are some of your other passions or hobbies outside of the wrestling world?

I write stuff, I read, I procrastinate, I talk dirty to attractive men, I sing to my cats, and I work hard every day to pay my bills and look after my family and the people I care for.

What is that one thing you wish you had never done?

I can think of a few people, but the question says a thing and not a person, although some of those people could be identified as “things” it wouldn’t be a lie. But enough about Danny. I wish I had handled things about Chris differently when the shit hit the fan all those years ago. Everything got too stupid too quickly and spiraled out of control. I still hate and regret that.

What is something you believe in that most people don’t?

That aliens exist, that magic is real, that animals know and understand what we say and do, and that for the most part, most people are good and decent. I still don’t want to be around most of them very often, but the majority of humanity is better than we tend to admit or give them credit for.

What would you never buy even if you had the money?

An electric car. I like my gas-guzzling little truck.

What happened to “innocent until PROVEN guilty”?

The corruption that is our so-called legal system and government has taken over and if you’re not one of them, they will destroy and crush you at all costs, innocence be damned. Welcome to today’s America. Lord help us all.

Name something you may find on the Ocean floor.

A sponge that lives in a pineapple and hangs out with a starfish.

If you could, would you eradicate pain from your life?

That would be nice, but I’ve lived with it so long that it wouldn’t feel right or natural. Pain builds character and is a part of who am I. I wouldn’t mind taking a break from the worst of it sometimes, but to give it up altogether? It wouldn’t be right.

Would you rather go deep sea diving or skydiving?

I’ll go into and under the water at any opportunity. I hate heights and would probably have a fat-man heart attack before I even got out of the plane with the sky-diving thing though. Let’s go swimming with the fishies.

Finish this sentence: I look up to __.

People who are taller than me. If I don’t look up, I can’t see their faces and while I like pecs and nipples, the eyes are more of my thing.

Would you rather be forced to dance every time you heard music or be forced to sing along to any song you heard?

I would prefer to sing. If I had to dance, especially since I only have one leg, I’d probably be falling over a lot and that would hurt. Better to hurt everyone else’s ears than myself by falling down.

Can You Support Gay Rights But Be Anti-Trans? Yes Or No?

I would say yes. I’m all for gay rights, the right to be normal and treated just like everyone else. Nothing special or extra, but just the basics to live, work, marry, have a family, and be happy. But the alphabet gang has chosen to politicize mental illness and make those of us who aren’t bat-shit crazy look bad. If a person wants to play make-believe, then go for it. But you can’t force the world to bow down to you and play make-believe too. Life doesn’t work that way. There are only two genders and that’s male or female, period. Putting on a dress or getting your balls cut off doesn’t make a man into a woman. It just makes him into a man with a dress on and no balls. I’m gay, but I don’t believe in being crazy, sexualizing children, making a spectacle of myself, or pretending to be something I’m not. The Trans-folks and Alphabet Gang have set the gay rights movement back so damn far with their antics, it’s insane. I’m all for anyone to be happy and being true to themselves, but you can’t force everyone else to agree. It doesn’t work that way. Get over it already.

Is marriage outdated?

Marriage will never be outdated. Maybe for some people, it’s not what they’re looking for or want, but to others, it’s the ultimate commitment and a wonderful thing. It’s a magical and special thing.

And there you go. Another edition of Questions (Not) By Casper in the books. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, it’s time to wrap this up and close down shop for the day. I’ve got Night Two of Wrestlemania to watch, plus I have laundry to do and need to get ready for a doctor’s appointment early in the morning. So take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!