Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #35
Random Twitter Q&A
April 6, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

If someone offered you 9.3 Billion dollars but you had to spend it to buy a Company, Brand, or Franchise. What would you Buy?

Two things immediately come to mind. The first would be a smaller purchase of a radio station where my friends and I could have our version of a modern-day WKRP. That one is because I’ve always wanted to do it. And for something more practical, I’d buy the publishing company that used to make and distribute The Weekly World News tabloid. You remember that, don’t you? Aliens, Bat Boy, and Dear Dottie, among other things. I’d buy all the rights and the company and bring the tabloids back.

Who is your favorite TV show Dad of all time?

I’m not sure how I’d like to have him for my father, but Al Bundy is and will always be the ultimate TV dad. I would have said Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show, but every time that “Dad” decided to fix dinner, it would be kind of scary so he’s not making the cut here.

Do you think there’s any truly inescapable prison?

That prison is our mind and memories. You might be paroled and think you’re free, but you never truly are.

What’s a better workout song than “Eye of the Tiger”? I’m pretty sure there isn’t one.

Every time I hear the Eye of the Tiger song, I want to clothesline someone. I can’t think of a better workout song either.

Do you agree that CBS 60 Minutes host Leslie Stahl is a left-wing propagandist, not a journalist?

Real journalism is dead. All of those television personalities who claim to be journalists sold their souls long ago to get where they are and are only repeating what they’ve been instructed to say and repeating the daily talking points. It’s not just CBS, but all of the Networks and major media outlets. Real journalism is dead and gone. ‘Nuff said!

What’s your favorite style of architecture?

I’ve always enjoyed a kind of Gothic look, with the staircases, the bookcases, big open rooms, and a huge fireplace. Go look at the house that served as Collinwood for the TV series/movie Dark Shadows. That’s my favorite style.

What’s your favorite type of cuisine?

Chinese food. Any and every day works for me. Damn, I’m hungry.

Do you get enough hugs?

No, and it’s a damn shame. I like hugs and I’m talking about the real things and not the “bro hugs” that only involve one arm and a pat on the back. I think it should be required that every sexy guy I come across, be it at work, in public, or anywhere at all, should be required to give me strong, firm, up close and feeling, hugs whenever we come across each other. I don’t care about age, race, body type, or anything else. If you’re a sexy dude, just hug me, damn it!

What Band have you listened to the most in the past month?

In the past month, I’ve been on a bit of a Broadway kick, listening to the soundtracks from Rent! and Chicago. I love that kind of live, stage music production sound. Also, the cast release of the soundtrack from Jesus Christ Superstar. An amazing album to be sure. So no particular band, but just soundtracks to assorted Broadway musicals.

What is the most cringe business buzzword in the world today?

“Inclusion”. What should be a good thing has been turned into a weapon and nightmare where rights are trampled on, common sense is tossed to the side, and manipulation to benefit one group over another is the order of the day.

What is your favorite movie that has a spaceship?

The Julie Brown & Jim Carey classic, Earth Girls Are Easy. A great movie and yeah, there are spaceships. Go check it out.

Have you suffered from an addiction?

I was a heavy drinker for a few years there, but I never let it get so far as to control me and be a true addiction. I’ve seen too many incredible people do stupid things to support their habits and there’s a part of me that refuses to give up control to anyone or anything. I do stupid things too, but it’s my choice and not because I have to do it. My walls work not only for people, but drugs, alcohol, and everything else that comes along. Nothing gets close enough to have control of me. Okay, maybe pro wrestling, but that’s about it.

What favorite kind of milkshake?

Mcdonald’s used to have those Artic Orange milkshakes and they were awesome. Cook Out has them too, but they’re not quite as good as I remember the ones from McDonald’s being. But Orange is always my favorite.

Are you too sweet or kind of sour?

It depends on who I’m dealing with and why. I can be the consummate sour patch kid and can change in an instant depending upon the situation.

Do you like babies?

With a little BBQ sauce and a side order of fries, yes. I’m kidding. I do like babies. They’re like little people, but without the BS that comes along as they get older. Babies are good people. Too bad they have to grow up.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, it’s time to wrap things up. Take care and stay well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!