Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #36
Random Twitter Q&A
April 7, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

What is a stinky smell that you secretly enjoy?

If I tell you, then it won’t be a secret, will it? Let’s go with gasoline. Yeah, that’ll work.

Would you judge anyone by the secrets you know about them?

It depends on what the secrets are as to how they’ll affect my opinion of a person. If their secret is that they have a tramp stamp, no judgment at all. If their secret is that they’re a serial killer, I might judge them a bit.

How fat are you?

Fat enough to keep your bony-ass boyfriend warm at night if you don’t treat him right. I’ve got a belly and I’m a big guy, but I’m still light on my foot, flexible, and a sexy-ass beast. Believe that!

Who would be the first person you would call in case of an emergency?

Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t have much family left and I don’t have a significant other. I wouldn’t want to bother my BFF and his family because they have enough things going on. I don’t know.

What’s a great song with a one-word title?

This one right here.

You are sent to the store to buy 1 lb of deli meat for sandwiches. What kind are you bringing back?

Probably sliced turkey. Either that or ham. It depends on what looks best and is the better deal.

What was your favorite thing about being at your grandparent’s house when you were a child?

I used to love those trips to Ohio to see Grandma Vick when I was younger. She was an amazing woman. And my favorite thing was my two cousins, Clint & Cliff. Being around those two was so much fun and made for some great memories.

Since we’re arresting presidents now, which one would you like to see behind bars?

What are our options? The serial rapist? The pedophile? The rapist’s wife? The racist who married the tranny? So many choices and it’s hard to decide. What about cells for all of them? Well, maybe a bullet for the pedo, but the rest can just rot in a prison cell.

Finish this sentence:
I forgive _.

But I never forget!

Onions? Yes or no?

If I’m cooking something like chili or soup, I’ll add onions. I’ll fry it with my steak too. But raw onions? Never! Bleh!

Name a Band that perfected vocal harmonization.

It doesn’t get any better than Dr. Hook. And here’s proof.

What’s the most underrated position in football?

I’ve always liked the tight ends. I didn’t know that they played football though.

What’s The Wildest Thing You Ever Threw At Someone While Arguing?

I threw a metal chair across the room at someone once and nailed them in the face. Yeah, I was drunk and pissed off, but they deserved it.

What do you find most attractive in a person?

Eyes and butts are important, but it’s the personality and sense of humor that matter most. And the character of course. But the eyes and butts always get my attention first as an icebreaker of sorts.

Who is your favorite ghost?

Read the name of this column. And now you know.

And there you go. It’s time to wrap this up and call it a night. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Stay good and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!