Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #55
Random Twitter Q&A
April 25, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

Do people like you?

Of course, they do. I’m a very lovable and awesome guy. What is there not to like?

What brought you joy today?

I woke up and came into the kitchen, sitting down at my computer. Within thirty seconds, my cat jumped up on the table and climbed up into my arms and on my shoulder, purring and wanting attention. I love my fur baby.

Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape?

I’ve never really thought about it until now, but you’re right. As to why, I have no idea. Genetics, I would guess.

Do people with big eyes see at a wider range than people with smaller eyes?

They would see all in all different spectrums of vision, and look amazed while doing so.

Is a duck’s Hiney waterproof?

They probably just keep the cheeks clenched tight so water doesn’t leak it.

What if someone died in the living room?

Then it would become the no-longer-living room, wouldn’t it?

If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it make marmalade?

Can bees even eat oranges? Would they want to? I don’t see them making marmalade, but damn, that honey would be the bomb.

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water… how did she ever bathe?

She cleaned herself through a cleansing spell she learned while at Hogwarts, that banishes dirt and odors.

Do penguins have knees?

Danny Devito and Burgess Meredith both did and they played the role of The Penguin for Batman, in the movie and the TV series respectively, so I would say yes.

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water… how did she ever bathe?

I already answered this one. Magic. It’s real. Go watch Harry Potter and you’ll understand.

Don’t accept sweets from strangers, yet on Halloween, it’s encouraged! Why is that?

Halloween is a very special day when the rules and common sense don’t normally apply and all bets are off. Go ahead and dress like a serial killing Nun and eat that Snickers bar. Who cares. It’s all good.

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?

If you’re big enough, you can do anything.

If flowers don’t talk back to you, are they mums?

No, they’re getting run down by the lawn mower. Being rude means being put down. I can’t stand a stuck-up flower.

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

No, but you get broke pretty quickly. Have you seen the price of diapers lately? Just think of it. Cow-sized diapers? That is a hell of a lot of booty-covering.

What do you call male ballerinas?

Sissies. Okay, I’m kidding so don’t boycott or protest me yet. I call them dancers who can probably whip my ass. You have to be tough to prance around in stretchy pants. And just imagine the high kicks and coordination that they guys have. I’ll still call them sissies, but I’ll do it with love.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions, serious or not, are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s go eat breakfast. Be well, and I’ll see you again in a little while. Who loves you, baby?

Ubuntu!