Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #68
Random Twitter Q&A
May 8, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

If you had to be trapped on a desert island with one fictional character, who would it be?

I was going to say the cast of Gilligan’s Island since they not only “lived” on an island for twenty years, but also seemed to thrive, but the question says “one fictional character” so that rules out an entire cast of a television show. So when in doubt, always say Batman. He’d find a way to keep us alive, safe, and eventually rescued. That’s why he’s Batman.

Yoda isn’t available, who is the greatest Star Wars character?

Let’s go with Chewbacca. Who doesn’t like a big, hairy ape with an attitude? And Chewy also kind of reminds me of a guy I used to go out with on occasion. Chewy isn’t quite as hairy though, but luckily, I like furry fellows. Woof!

If you had to teach a class on one thing, what would you teach?

The art of customer service. I’ve been doing this crap since I was fifteen years old and I’m not dead yet so I must be doing something right, right? And we all know how much I really and truly love people so who better to teach others how to interact with the peons and resist the temptation to punch everyone in the face? That’d be a perfect teaching role for me.

Has your personality changed since childhood?

Absolutely. I used to be nice, friendly, always helpful, and a sucker for a sob story and a pretty face. But finally, I learned that people tend to suck, that it’s better to put myself first in most situations and to say that incredible word, “No!”. I’m not as warm and bubbly as I used to be, but I’m a much better person overall.

What’s your favorite movie with a non-human protagonist?

Let’s go with The Avengers: Endgame. Thanos was a badass in every sense of the word and he was a Titan, not human.

What is the greatest dessert of all time?

I’m rather partial to banana pudding. It’s good stuff.

What was your favorite show as a kid?

Hollywood Squares, Dallas, The Six Million Dollar Man, and General Hospital, plus local wrestling. Yeah, I was a weird kid.

The best Mexican food item is…

A taco salad. Taco Bell quit selling them, those bastards, but they are awesome and among my favorite Mexican foods.

Will you have a Margarita or 2 today?

Probably not. I have to work later today and I’m not really a big fan of the margaritas anyhow. I prefer an ice-cold beer.

Name a song that mentions shopping or a store in some way.

The first one that comes to mind is Macklemore with this classic, Thrift Shop.

Free weed or free alcohol for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

I can’t stand the smell of weed and it makes me nauseous so alcohol it is and would be. I like some occasional drinking. I just need someone to drink with regularly.

Writing in cursive is becoming a lost art. Were you taught cursive in school?

I was taught in kindergarten and my writing skills haven’t gotten much better since. I write like a doctor, but at least I can write cursive. Too many people today can’t even sign their own names and that’s a damn shame.

What is the greatest advice you can give to someone today?

Smile. It makes everyone wonder just what in the hell you’re up to. Always keep them guessing.

What’s your best relationship advice?

Have friends. Use them, abuse them, and then send them home. Keep the relationship simple and be honest about what you want and expect. It works.

List your top 3 sporting events you would like to see in person.

Wrestlemania 40, Wrestlemania 41, and AEW All In at Wembley Stadium in August.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Questions, comments, and thoughts are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you on the funny pages.

Ubuntu!