Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie (Special)
I Need A Talk Show – Top 10 List
May 8, 2023
DougMaynard.com

It’s a very special edition of A Day of Dougie. No, I’m not drunk. I just found a question and decided to answer it as only I can. No, I’m not sending a stripper gram or pole dancing. I might do that later if I do decide to get drunk. Nah, I’d probably just fall over and hurt myself. I’m just answering this question and thinking about the possibilities. They scare me, as they should you and everyone else. Me on TV? Oh, hell yeah! Let’s do this.

If you had a talk show, how would your show be different from every other talk show on television?

That’s the question that I stumbled across while searching for questions to use in my Questions (Not) By Casper column. I saw this question and my mind quickly began to look for answers. What would it be like if I did have my own talk show? How could I make it stand out and be better than every other talk show on television? And I thought of a few different ways. I thought of ten different ways. And so, from the home office in Hurricane, West Virginia, here are:

The Top Ten Ways My Talk Show (if I had one) Would Stand Out And Be Different From Every Other Talk Show on Television.

10. Instead of using a desk and chairs, the interviews would take place in my Mom’s kitchen.

9. Instead of a live band, we’d have three drunk guys with kazoos as the entertainment.

8. A pro wrestling promo and interview segment on every show.

7. Three judges would be sitting off to the side of a stage with a mallet and a gong to “gong” the bad interviews.

6. An open bar for guests and the host.

5. Instead of a live studio audience, we’d have dolls and action figures, plus my two cats, set up for a tea party as the audience.

4. Strictly enforced dress code of jeans, a T-shirt, and flip flops or boots. Hair curlers are optional.

4. My best friend and heterosexual life mate, The Infamous One, would serve as my co-host and if the guests get out of line, take them out back and rough them up.

2. Tacos for everyone.

1. No tape delays. Only live television.

And there you go. Admit it. You’d watch. I need to be on TV. Or be crowned the new King of England. To hell with old Dumbo Ears. Make me the King. Or give me a talk show. I’ll bring in the ratings and that’s a fact.

So what do you think? Thoughts, comments, and questions are all welcome and appreciated. And if there are any technical wizards out there who know about podcasting and making videos and want to get together and make history such as the nightmare proposed above come true, get up with me. We can do it.

And with that, it’s time to wrap things up. This has been a Day of Dougie special. Take care and be well my friends, and I’ll see you on the couch in front of the TV. Who loves you, baby? Me! That’s who.

Ubuntu!