Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #84
Random Twitter Q&A
May 25, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

Would you eat only baby food for a week for $5,000?

That depends on if I still get to drink my Propel and Dew Zeros while I’m munching down the streamed carrots and crushed bananas. And do I get puffs? Them things are yummy. Yeah, I’d give it a shot.

What was your favorite age of childhood?

I don’t remember most of my childhood and the parts I do remember best are not very good, but I’ll go for the early teens. We had just moved here to Laurinburg, I had (and still have) some great friends, and not a care in the world. Good times for sure.

Do you trust teachers?

I trust SOME teachers, but to be fair, I don’t trust much of anyone these days. Trust has to be earned and the people who have earned my absolute trust are few and far between.

You are given a brand-new car, but it has to start with the first letter of your first name. Which car do you choose?

The easy answer here. Durango!

Which TV show character has the greatest speech of all time?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer explains to Tara’s family what real family is all about. It always makes my allergies act up.

What’s the worst thing you ever did to a neighbor?

Slept with him lol. I’m a pretty good neighbor by most people’s standards, but there was this guy who lived a few houses up and he was cute. He was also married. And we talked a bit, hung out a little bit, and eventually had a little fling going. And I felt so bad for his wife. She didn’t have a clue. She’d go to bed at night and we’d hang out and talk and stuff happened. He ended up in jail eventually and they split up, but I still feel bad about the whole situation. I was a ho’ then though and he didn’t say no.

What are some of the best dance scenes in a film?

The final dance in Dirty Dancing immediately comes to mind, but then I thought about this scene, a flashmob style dance from Clerks 3, to the sounds of The Jackson 5 and ABC.

What do you think should be done about the FBI? defund, shut down, or what?

I can’t go with shutdown because they do serve a necessary purpose regardless of how corrupt they’ve become. Defunding wouldn’t work either because they are a necessary evil. We need someone with character, honor, and who is non-biased to take over and just weed out the bad seeds, from the top down and do a total overhaul and rebuilding of the organization. I don’t know how this could be done, but that’s what needs to happen.

You suddenly find yourself on stage for your own TED Talk. With no prior planning, what topic can you discuss for 18 minutes?

This is easy. Pro wrestling, comics from the 90s, music, customer service, sex stuff, etc. Choose your topic and I’m ready.

What movie is considered a “kid movie” but is still very enjoyable to watch as an adult?

I love Disney and movies like Bambi, The Muppets, etc. My favorite though is the Sesame Street classic, Follow That Bird. I watch it at least twice a year and still love it.

Who’s the worst neighbor you ever had?

We had a family living across the road for w short while that had police cars called at least twice a week. I never was sure of just how many people were living in that house, but it was not a good scene at all. I was so happy when they got evicted and moved away.

What’s the worst thing you ever said no to?

I’ve had many offers over the years to do many different things and usually, my attitude was always, “What the hell? Let’s do it!”. But there have been a couple that was disgusting, vile, and made my stomach turn. Those, I turned down with no regrets.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

In 2014, I had my heart shattered, my trust broken, and my soul destroyed. The bad thing is, I still care for the asshole and probably always will. So yeah, I have.

Do you own any stuffed animals?

Not many because that’s not a manly thing to admit to, but I do have three. A Food Lion stuffed lion that belonged to a friend from St. Andrews who unfortunately killed herself way back in the early 90s. I love & miss you, Wakana, but every time I look at that lion, I think of you. I have a big old Care Bear, Grumpy of course, that one of my best friends gave to me many years ago and said it reminded him of me. Grumpy, but really a softy. I love that bear. And finally, Legs. He’s a stuffed spider I bought for myself when I graduated high school from the Hallmark store to ride around in my truck with me as an unofficial mascot. For the past fifteen years, he’s lived on top of the bookcase in my bedroom. So I have three and I have reasons for all of them. Because I’m sentimental, they remind me of better times and some incredible people.

What have you boycotted the longest?

I haven’t been to Wendy’s for almost ten years now because they shorted me on some change on time in the drive-thru window. It was only a couple of quarters, but they also had an attitude and made me mad. Yes, I can be petty like that. I also don’t go to McDonald’s because of the poor service and attitudes, for almost three years now, but Wendy’s is definitely the longest.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap this up. I’ve got things to do and errands to run. Damn, I need a boyfriend. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you on the funny pages.

Ubuntu!