Okay, so here we are and it’s another feeble attempt to keep my status as an “internet wrestling journalist” (whatever the hell that is) alive. Maybe I should just give it up already and announce my retirement for good. And then, like Terry Funk, Mick Foley, Ric Flair, etc, I can come back in two weeks and announce my “unretirement”. And then do it again and again. It’s a pro wrestling tradition. Hmmmm! I’ll have to think on that.
But for here and now, it’s no retirement needed. It’s time for the one-man-band edition of “Tossing Salt Presents: Wrestling Fact Or Fiction”. If I can ever get myself motivated and back on a mainstream wrestling website, I could call back up my former tag team partner, Russell Jackson and we could get the band back together and be awesome and do the back and forth like we used to. But since this is just for my blogsite (and Facebook), I’ll go solo again today.
The questions, with the exception of the last two, come from the column at 411mania.com by the same name, called “Fact or Fiction”. The answers though, are all mine. Let’s do this.
Tossing Salt Presents: Wrestling Fact Or Fiction
April 27, 2013
1. The Post WrestleMania Hangover is in full effect.
Fact: After all the build for Wrestlemania and all the hype, things now in the WWE are just somewhat bleh! Rock is out and injured. Punk is out and injured. Cena is the champ and still sucks! Jericho is back with Fozzy and on a part-time schedule. Miz is off filming a movie. And 98% of the WWE product right now is just downright crappy, to say the least. Things will hopefully pick up soon, but right now, there isn’t much worth watching or paying attention to in the WWE. It’s just not doing it anymore.
2. The Shield will not lose a match until SummerSlam.
Fact: As a team, they shouldn’t lose any matches. Keep them strong as an organized and dominant wrecking crew. Losing the occasional singles match will be okay so long as there is retribution at the end (as on Smackdown this past week). But there is big money and a strong future with the Shield, if they’re kept strong. So losses should be few and far between. ‘Nuff said!
3. You’re interested in “Total Divas”, a show following the personal lives of the Divas that will air on E Network.
Fiction: The current batch of Divas have zero appeal for me and I could care less about this show. If they bring back Ivory, Molly, Lita, Kharma, Beth Phoenix, etc, then I might be interested. But with what the WWE Divas division has to offer now, it’s just a waste of money and TV time.
4. A heel turn is exactly what Zack Ryder needs to revitalize his career.
Fact: It’s at least a year overdue and may be too little, too late at this point. But Ryder needs anything he can get right now to get back to at least mid-card status and if being a heel is what it takes, so be it. Do it. Do something with him anyhow.
5. CM Punk taking time off makes you less interested in WWE television.
Fact: Punk and his promos are one of the very few bright spots left on RAW each week that can be counted on and depended upon to be entertaining. Without Punk, what’s left? Cena? Orton? Big Show? Please hurry back soon Punk. RAW and the WWE desperately need you.
6. You want to see Hulk Hogan wrestle Bully Ray.
Fiction: Hulk Hogan should never, ever, ever wrestle again. He needs to just go away and make more sex tapes or something. Just please… leave! ‘Nuff said!
7. More wrestlers should have mustaches.
Fact: Mustaches add character and charisma. Okay, so they don’t really, but they look cool and I like kissing guys with facial hair. It turns me on. So I think that would be a “yes”…??
8. Davey Richards would be a good performer in WWE
Fact: He’s a good wrestler with a helluva lot of charisma and talent so for those reasons alone, I say yes. Of course, WWE wouldn’t know how to use him and would totally f*ck things up so it’d be a waste of everyone’s time, but one can think and about the potential anyhow.
9. Randy Orton should be back in the main event / title picture and used as a “top guy” again.
Fiction: As good as Randy is in the ring, he bores the hell out of me. If they want to re-push a wrestler who is being wasted, use William Regal instead. He’s a better wrestler, can talk, can do serious or comedy, and people actually respect, like, and are entertained by him. Randy has two strikes and is an ass-clown in his personal and backstage behavior (or at least was). Use him if you must, but also give the people who actually deserve credit and a strong push (like Regal) a chance too.
10. Fandango is the hottest new star in the WWE.
Fact: It’s a hit or miss gimmick, but it looks like Vince may have been right on this one. Fandangomania is sweeping the world and everyone seems fascinated and enthralled by his music and the character. I would love to see a skit (for a few weeks) where old dancing legends from the past (Rikishi, Disco Inferno, Ernest “The Cat” Miller, Alex Wright, Norman Smiley) come to the WWE to help “teach” Fandango how to dance, only to end up having to wrestle him (or have dance-offs – whatever works… lol). Do the Heath Slater “One Man Band” gimmick that they used to build to RAW 1000 and have Fandango appear each week and challenge “legends” to pronounce his name or whatever. It could give us some fun moments and also some great matches since some of these guys were excellent wrestlers. I want to see some ultimate fandangoing. Make it happen, Vince.
And there you go. That’s all for me folks. Time to go to Wally-World and get some stuff. Please shoot me now. I’m out of here.