Thirty Days Of Dougie! (Day 19) – If I Ever Do This, Books & Not Enough…

Man, this has been a long day and I am tired. It’s nearly 10:30pm and I am so ready to just crash and call it a night. And I would do just that except for two things. The first thing is that if I did go to bed now, I would be back awake at 2:00am and unable to sleep for the rest of the night, which would not be a good thing, especially when I take into consideration that I’m working from 9:00am to 8:00pm tomorrow. It makes for a long day and then, if I did it on little or no sleep. The customers probably wouldn’t like me very much. Aw, I’m kidding. My customers love me. Everyone loves themselves some Dougie. But when I’m tired and sleep deprived, they tend to be a little more leery and on their guard. The second thing is, I haven’t written the “Thirty Days!” blog for Day 19 yet and I only have little over an hour to do it and still be on schedule. I am so damn reliable sometimes. Oh vey!

Congratulations to the Duke Blue Devils who managed to squeak out a win against my UNC Tarheels tonight in the ACC Tournament. I didn’t get a chance to watch the game. I was tied up with other matters and people (and no, not literally, damn it!). So I’m only getting to hear about the game on Facebook and online and Duke managed to pull it off and are going to the semi-finals. Or is it finals? I haven’t been paying enough attention this season. I know UNC won the regular season Championship and now they’re out of the ACC Tournament, but will probably be seeded at least #2 when the NCAA brackets are announced. And UNC (always) #1, period! We may not win every game, but the Heels are always there and putting up a fight until that final buzzer sounds. And Roy Williams? He’s no Dean Smith, but the guy is good. He just needs to shut up about politics and the President. If he wants to talk about it on his own time, so be it, but when doing a press conference and representing UNC, that’s not the time nor the place. Just saying.

And I’m tired of rambling and ranting and all of that. Let’s just go get the Magic Box and draw out some topics so I can do that writing thing and then put baby to bed. So what are the topics today? We have: “If I Ever Do This, Slap Me”, “Books” and “Not Enough!”… So, are you ready? Let’s do this. Where my intro at?

Thirty Days Of Dougie! (Day 19) – If I Ever Do This, Books & Not Enough…
March 10, 2017

We’ll start off with the easiest one and that’s books. I love me some books. And as anyone who has ever stepped foot in my home can tell you, there are books and magazines everywhere. And I’ve read them all at some point because, (surprise) I like to read. I read newspapers, magazines, real books, stories online, news online, the back of cereal boxes, etc. If I have a few minutes of free time and my eyes are not trying to close on me, as they are now, I’ll read. TV is okay and movies are good, but nothing beats a good, old fashioned, laying in bed with the head propped up, novel or story inside a book. Some folks don’t like the physical real books and do Kindle or read online. That’s okay, but it’s not the same. I want the feel of the book in my hands. The smell of the ink and paper and age filling my nose. The freedom to carry the book with me outside or to the bathroom to read in peace. Technology is a wonderful thing, but give me a couple of hundred pages enclosed inside a cover and a back, with a few thousand words inside anytime. I remember back on Saturday morning when I was a kid, in between my cartoons on tv, there would be all sorts of commercials saying that, “Reading is Fundamental!”. It’s true. It is. And I love to do it. And the best way to do it is with a good old fashioned book.

Next up is “Not Enough” and it refers to those people who come into a store to purchase something and don’t have enough money with them. An item is priced $19.95 and when rang up on the register, it comes to $21.35. And the person just stands there, holding a twenty and is surprised that it isn’t enough. We have tax on each item which adds to the cost. It’s a simple enough concept or at least one would think so, but every single day, I see people who just don’t get it. And the item, priced $19.95, rings up to be a total of $21.35 and they just stand there, looking at you. They try to hand you a twenty and say, “Is this enough?”. Told that it’s not, they want to argue. “It says 19.95 on the shelf!”. So I say, “Tax” and they go, “Well, we don’t pay tax in (insert name of city or state here…)” Well, in North Carolina, you do so I repeat the amount due. And they stand there in a daze and then do one of two things. Either take the item back to the shelf, pick up a different item that costs exactly the same, and bring it up and repeat the process, trying to get by without paying the full amount, tax included, or leave the register area and go outside to get more money and then come in, pay the full amount and cast dirty looks at the cashier (me) like I’m trying to rip them off and am lying to them about tax.

I know that when I go into a store to buy something, I’m going to have to pay tax on that item and figure it into the cost before I even walk into the store or go to the register. It’s just plain common sense. I make sure that I have enough money on me before hand to pay for my item, the full price, before I go to the register. It’s not that freakin’ hard. So why is it so hard for everyone else to realize that you’re not going to buy merchandise and get out of there without paying the sales tax on said items, no matter how much you don’t like it or no matter if they didn’t do it in (Insert name of city or state here). Just use common sense, bring enough money in with you to pay for your purchases, tax included, and quit ruining my life.

And should I talk about those folks who don’t have any change, or claim not to, and when their purchases ring up to an odd amount, say perhaps $17.03, they’ll start asking people around them for change to pay that 3 cents or else ask me to pay it for them so they won’t have to “break a bill”. They have money, but don’t want to break a dollar. Well, get ready to break that bill sweetheart cause Dougie don’t let them pennies slide. Nah, I’ll save that topic for another day. But I will say this. Those folks who make an ass-clown of themselves to avoid breaking a bill, there’s a place for people like those. And you know where people like that go? Yeppers, you called it. They go on “The List!”.

And finally, we come to the topic of “If I Ever Do This”, which the full description on the scrap from the Magic Box was, “If I Ever Do This, Slap Me!”. And this is a list of thing that I’ve told my BFF/ bro that if he ever sees me doing or trying to do, slap me down immediately. Let’s do this in list form, as in a Top Ten List. I think there may be ten things that I’m not allowed to do for fear of having the taste slapped out of my mouth. And these are those things…

Top Ten Things That If I Ever Do, Slap Me…

10. Drive after consuming alcohol.
9. Write to or talk to Mr. Haney again (ever).
8. Attempt to wear “Skinny Jeans”.
7. Start singing the “Barney song” in public.
6. Start flaming like Richard Simmons swimming in a lava pit.
5. Twerk
4. Drink 4Loco again…
3. Call wrestling “fake”…
2. Try to rap…
1. Dancing in public while intoxicated..

And I think that’s about it for today. Thanks for reading and now, it’s time to call it a night and go to bed. Nope, still too early so it’s over to Netflix to finish watching a movie I started on two nights ago called “Eat With Me!”. And maybe even get started on “Day 20” of the “Thirty Days” saga. Nah, I doubt it. More fun to wait until the last minute like I did tonight.

So that’s all folks. As the great Baron Von Raschke would say, “Dat’ is all de’ people need to know!”. Catch you later, Alligator.


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