Have you ever known someone that despite their issues and demons, has really touched you in a special way. I know a guy like that. He’s an alcoholic and a drug addict and pretty much bad news from day one. At least that’s the public perception of this guy. I never really agreed with it and saw a different person. Admittingly, I was wearing rose colored glasses at the time and dealing with issues of my own so my view is tainted, but so what? I saw a guy who was good looking, smart, funny with a twisted wit, a great personality and was a true pleasure (at times) to be around. Yes, when he was “on the hunt” for something to feed his demons, he could be abraisive, obnoxious, even violent and a true ass-hole in so many ways. But then he’d quench his thirst for a while and the other side, the good side, would come back out.
We were close for a long time and I’ll be the first to admit it wasn’t really a healthy relationship. He used me for his own gain and I used him for mine as well, both trying to manipulate the other for our own purpose. But the connection was there and the really good moments were there as often as not. Then things went south, as they often do, and we went in different directions. I focused on life and work and working towards more becoming the man I needed to be. He went the other direction, more into the world of abuse and drugs, to himself and others. Occasionally, we would come across each other, be polite and respectful, and then go our seperate ways. I always hoped that one day, he’d get the help he needed and wise up, grow up to be the man I saw, the man I knew he was and could be. Get away from the addictions and the path of evil and find a path of redemption.
We spoke a few weeks ago and yes, I admit that I was the one who initiated contact. We had spoken a few times and talked about being friends, at least casually, again. And although initially, I pushed him away because I could see how far he had fallen, even farther down than he was when we first met, admittingly I was interested. I could still see some redeeming qualities there and I saw the good still shining through, albeit it tarnished and struggling. We even took a walk together and talked one night and though it started off well, it didn’t take long for the lies and manipulation to pop up and for the “games” to start. I broke it off immediately right then and left, coming home. I’ve spoken to him once since then, meeting his girlfriend and exchanging a few friendly words before we parted. I knew then that he was forever lost, but I still had some hope that one day he’d be okay and find his way back to a better life, a good life and be the man I once saw and knew.
I read the local paper this morning. He made the news. He was arrested for assaulting and robbing an elderly old man. The man is okay, but any hope I had for the guy is now totally shattered. He is smart. He is good looking. He has a fantastic personality and sense of humor. He has so much potential for so many things. But he’s given himself totally to the path of evil and there is no redemption. There is no saving grace. Some things can be forgiven, but anything having to do with an old person, a child or an animal can not be overlooked or forgiven.
Part of me will always love this guy, but I know that he’s not going to get better. He doesn’t want to get better or improve his life. He made his bed and now he has to lay in it. I’m just glad that I was able to break away and see the truth before the victim was someone I love… or even me. I’m alaways going to miss the good guy. The bad guy won and that part, I’ll never miss. I just think the whole deal, it’s just so sad.