I wrote this six years ago today… Enjoy!
Casting Call: WWE Superstars As The Cast Of NCIS – November 20, 2011
As most people are aware, the WWE is planning to start their own network in 2012. While the majority of the programming on this new WWE Network will obviously be wrestling, they also have plans to include movies from the WWE Studios as part of their programming. And if they follow the trend of most movie companies these days, they’ll probably end up doing remakes of classic TV Shows with WWE Superstars (who are already under contract and thus will work cheaply) in the starring roles.
So with all of that in mind, I started wondering what and more specifically who the WWE would cast if they were to make a WWE Films version of television’s top show (which also happens to be the only show on the USA Network that has better ratings than WWE Monday Night RAW) and of course I’m talking about “NCIS”. Who could replace Mark Harmon as “Gibbs”. Who could play the delightful goth forensics scientist, Abby Sciuto? And the beautiful, yet dangerous former Mossad agent, Ziva David? Let’s find out…
The WWE Superstars as “The Cast Of NCIS”
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: John Cena
I can already feel the hate at this piece of casting, but bear with me here. Gibbs is supposed to be an ex-Marine. Cena played in the movie, “The Marine”. He looks the part and with a little special make-up to add some age to the WWE’s resident “Super Hero”, he could look the part. If Mark Harmon, the real “Gibbs” saw this piece of casting, he’d probably slap me in the back of the head, but I really couldn’t think of anyone else who’s part of the WWE roster that could fill this role any better than “The Champ”. He’s the WWE’s “go to money man” so he’d be their first choice anyhow, no matter how crazy it seems.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The Miz
The arrogant, somewhat conceited Special Agent DiNozzo was much easier to cast. Who’s the resident movie geek and ladies man for the WWE that could play a convincing Tony? One man immediately came to mind and the more I thought about it, the more this man stood out. Of course, I’m talking about the Miz. Playing a ladies man? No problem. Playing a practical joker? Easy as pie. Going from serious to comedy in the same scene? He does it all the time. Miz would be a natural for this role and his portrayal of Tony would be… (say it with me)… AWESOME!
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Daniel Bryan
McGee is the NCIS resident nerd / geek and Daniel Bryan is the WWE’s resident nerd / geek. It’s a natural fit and Bryan would be great in this role. He even looks kind of wimpy, just like McGee. So there you go and another role filled.
Special Agent Ziva David: Natayla
This one was kind of hard because I had to find a Diva that looks sexy, but has an intimidation factor about her that says “I can kick your ass” as well. And there’s that whole “Ziva speak” where she has a slight accent and mixes up phrases. Tamina was my first choice and she’d probably be okay in this role but if I was the WWE, I’d prefer to use someone with slightly more star appeal and name recognition. So I decided to go with Natayla. She’s got a unique look about her and she has that slight Canadian accent so she could do the Ziva talk quite easily. Works for me.
Abby Sciuto: Alicia Fox
This one was hard to decide upon since there really are no Goth characters in the WWE right now. Dafney, from the old WCW and TNA would be good, but I’m trying to keep this in-house for the WWE and only using current WWE personalities (or in the case of my next selection – no personality… lol). And then I saw her on Smackdown, wearing a dead animal fur and with legs that never seem to stop, Alicia Fox. True that she’s not what we’ve grown to expect as an “Abby”, but then again, Pauley Perrette is a one of a kind actress and character. I would let Alicia add her own quirks and moves to the Abby character and just run with it. It might catch some criticism, but it could be really fun too and I think Alicia Fox could do a great job with that role.
Director Leon Vance: John Lauriniatis
A strange choice, no doubt to put the Executive Vice President of WWE Talent Relations and Interim RAW General Manager John Lauriniatis into the role of NCIS Director Leon Vance, but there is a method to my madness. I don’t like Leon on the show. He bores me. And nobody on RAW bores me more than Johnny Ace. So thus, Johnny gets to play Leon. See. It all makes sense.
Dr. Donald Mallard (Ducky): CM Punk
My first choice for this role was William Regal and he would be a great pick to fill the role of the Medical Examiner, Dr. Mallard. But then I started thinking about it and you can’t have a WWE movie without the WWE’s biggest star. Okay, maybe that’s not the real reason I picked CM Punk for this role. I just think he would get off and enjoy playing with dead bodies and being a medical examiner. It’s what I call casting against the grain and I think Punk would just take the role of Ducky and run with it and go crazy. And it’d be fun and games for all.
Jimmy Palmer: Zack Ryder
Palmer is kind of a likable, yet nerdy young fellow. And so is Zack Ryder. Just picture the scenes with CM Punk and Zack Ryder trying to do an autopsy and see if you can keep from laughing. I can’t even keep a straight face writing about it. So I’d have Ryder be the Assistant Medical Examiner and every time Ducky (CM Punk) finishes telling a story while hovering over a corpse, Palmer (Ryder) can pump his fists and go “Woo Woo Woo”. It’d be great. “You know it!”
Special Agent Kate Todd: Layla El
They keep having Kate appear in flash-back segments of the show even though she died at the end of Season Two, so I decided that I’d better find me someone to cast in this role as well. And I decided to go with WWE Diva Layla El. Why? No real reason except for I like her and she’s hot. What more reason do I need?
And there you go. If the WWE decided to make a movie based on the TV series “NCIS” and allowed me to do the casting from the current WWE rosters, that’s how I’d go. These are the people I’d pick and the movie, unlike most movies based on television series, would be fantastic. And that’s the bottom line because I just said so.
And now, I’m going to bed. Have a great night and may the farce be with you. Ubuntu!