Tossing Salt Presents:
Casting Call: WWE Superstars Cast
For Rocky Horror Picture Show
October 21, 2018
Every so often, I’ll be asked a question for one of the Q&A columns that is so out there or interesting to me that it requires a piece of it’s own. My friend Michael sent me such a question and rather than just have it as part of a regular Wrestling Q&A thing, I decided to give it it’s own piece and elaborate a little more than usual. It concerns two of my favorite things, wrestling and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The question is below and my answers follow. Please enjoy. And thank you for your support.
If WWE Films was to remake The Rocky Horror Picture Show using WWE superstars to play all the roles, who would you cast in each role?
Brad & Janet: For these toles, you need a special someone who can be clueless, yet provocative and sexy at the same time. For the role of Brad Majors, let’s go with a B-Lister if you will, a man who has perfected the role of goofball, but can still be dangerous when it’s called for and that’s the Axe-Man himself, Curtis Axel. And for the role of Janet Weiss, who is a vixen uncovered, let’s cast someone else who seems so sweet, but it’s all just a ruse. We’ll cast Bayley.
Frank M. Furter: For the role of the sweet transvestite from Transylvania, who is charming and yet can be evil? Who manipulates, but you like him anyways. Who is an A-List actor and bonified superstar? There is only one person and while others like Fandango or Tyler Breeze may look the part, I’d have to go with The Miz.
Rocky: For the role of “the monster”, you need someone who is in great shape obviously and yet seems to project a childlike aura about himself that draws you in. Dolph Ziggler would fit this role perfectly for the most part, but for some reason, I seem to think that John Cena would do well in it too. Yeah, let’s go with Cena here. He’s the bigger name and the thought of watching him run around in a pair of gold shorts being victimized by Miz just makes me laugh. So Cena gets cast as Rocky.
Columbia: The dancer who loves Eddie, but follows Frank, the groupie from hell. Played so well by Little Nell, who would be able to take control and do this role justice. Someone with some killer legs to be sure. I think we’d go with the crazy, but amazing Alicia Fox here. Foxy is a one of a kind character and she has the legs from hell and the mutzo to pull this role off and do it so well.
Eddie: Hot patootie, bless my soul. Who could be the biker guy with a kind of charm that disrupts the party? When I look at the original Eddie, played of course by Meatloaf, I’m seeing Kevin Owens . KO just strikes me as the type of man who could take this role and limited as it is, run with it and make it his own. I don’t know if he’s able to play the sax or not, but that part isn’t really necessary. They can fake it. He’d be great with this part.
Riff Raff & Magenta: Riff Raff is the “handy man” who kind of brings this all together and is played by writer / creator of the entire movie, Richard O’Brien. Who would have that mystique and aura or strangeness about them to induce you to do the Time Warp and tell you to “come inside”? At first I thought James Ellsworth, simply for appearance reasons and then the creepy factor made me think of Bo Dallas, but then the perfect person entered my mind. Why not Matt Hardy, the “Broken One” himself. For the role of Riff Raff, he would be “EXCELLENT!”. As for the part of his sidekick and lovely “sister” Magenta, it’s hard to imagine anyone else, but the lovely Patricia Quinn in that role. But those eyes remind me somewhat of current Smackdown General Manager Paige. I could see her having vouyeristic intentions. So give Paige the Magenta spot.
The Criminalogist: Charles Gray is a tough act to follow, but I can easily see William Regal, the current General Manager of NXT, filling out this role as the Narrator of this story. He has that presence and aura about him of respect and serious, but at the same time, can do silly and outlandish.
And finally, Dr. Scott. It’d have to be someone older, but respectful. At first, I thought Ric Flair, but he’s too showboat and over the top for the low key approach that this role would require. I think the perfect person with just the right mix of serious and funny would be RAW General Manager and Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle. A suit, a wheel chair and some fishnet stockings and Kurt would be perfect.
And there you go. If WWE Films was to buy the rights to and bring back the Rocky Horror Picture Show, a true classic, and cast it with current WWE superstars, this is the way that they should go. Thoughts? Opinions? Questions? Let me know what you think and who you would cast in each role and why? I want to know.
And with that, I’m out of here. Thank you for reading. Until the next time, stay safe and always, don’t dream it… be it. Have a great one.