12 Dougie Days Of Christmas – Day 3: Recipes, The Eyes, Love In An Elevator & Match Pockets…

12 Dougie Days Of Christmas
Day 3: Recipes, The Eyes,
Love In An Elevator & Match Pockets
December 9, 2018
DougMaynard.com

It’s a nasty and wet Sunday morning. Part of the state is getting snow, but here in the ‘Burg, we get cold and wet nasty rain. Baby, it’s cold out there. Oh wait, my apologies to any snowflake I just triggered. I almost forgot, we can’t say that anymore… or sing that song. Or convince our significant other to stay with us for ten more minutes before going home. It’s all about “metoo” and that crap where people of power used their power to take advantage of others and because of those ass-clowns, we’re not allowed to enjoy a song from the 50’s that is a true classic and one of my favorites. *sighs* Thank you Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby. Hell, I don’t care. I like the song, especially the version by Dolly Parton and Rod Stewart. Their unique voices together are musical magic. So guess what? Baby, it’s cold out there so be sure to bundle up. Now leave me the hell alone with that whiny, crying liberal ass crap. Next thing you know, they’re going to be bitching and complaining about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Candy Canes. Oh wait… never mind. Rudolph was bullied and candy canes are banned because they’re shaped like “J’s” which obviously stands for Jesus and is offensive to non-Christians. Oh vey! I’m getting a headache or is that still allowed without offending anyone? Let’s move on with this.

So what are the topics of the day from the oh so infamous “Magic Bag”? Let’s reach in and find out, shall we? And we have: Recipes, The Eyes, Match Pockets and Love In An Elevator.

Yes, I have four topics today instead of the usual three. Two pieces of paper stuck together and since they were both topics that I knew I could have some fun with, I decided to keep them both. Just consider it a Christmas bonus between you and me. And now, let’s get to doing what we do and that’s blogging about off the wall topics in an off the wall manner with my off the wall blog. Maybe instead of “Days of Dougie”, I should just call this “Off The Wall”. Nah, Michael Jackson’s estate would probably sue me. I did used to work for a business called “Off The Wall Enterprises” though when I was much younger. We did catalog sales and some really cool stuff. It was a fun job with some amazing people involved. I’ll tell you about it sometimes. Let’s move on for now though and do the topics at hand. So are you ready? And away we go…

Recipes…

I could talk about the foods that I like and give you a recipe for those foods, but let’s not. I could talk about some recipes that I’ve tried in the past that just ddn’t turn out quite as expected and were just one step away from being toxic waste, but I don’t feel like going that direction with this topic either. I think I’ll keep it simple and just give a recipe that I found a few days ago. Since I do work in a liquor store and since, baby, it’s cold outside (there I go again… oops!), I’ll give this recipe I found attached to a candy cane full of Pinnacle Vodka shot bottles. It’s the perfect solution to counter the cold weather and take the chill off the body. It’s called “Naughty List Hot Chocolate”. And here’s how it goes.

Ingredients Needed…

1 part Vodka
1 part Peppermint Schapps
Hot Chocolate
Whipped Cream
Peppermint Stick

Fix hot chocolate as usual, Pour ingredients into mug and stir. Garnish with whipped cream anda peppermint stick.

And there you go. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Hot Chocolate with a kick. I guess we now finally know what was in that drink when the guy offered the girl a drink in that song we don’t talk about, the one about the weather and how cold it is outside. Ooops. Did it again. My bad! Let’s move on.

The Eyes…

I have a confession to make. I love a pair of sexy eyes. It can be the ugliest guy in the world I’m talking to and if he’s got those deep, look into your soul eyes that a person can get lost in or a nice bubble butt of an ass, I’m pretty much there anyhow. There is just something magical about the eyes, the window to the soul if you will and a eyes that look straight at you and wrap you in their magical gaze, that’s an amazing feeling and just so damn hard to resist. I remember one guy that I was involved with, off and on for almost ten years and he had dark brown skin and the most beautiful green eyes. It was so easy to get lost in that pool of vision and even though he was an ass at times, he was incredibly sweet at other times and it was hard to argue or fight when you looked at him. Those were crazy times and there was good and bad, but with those mini-moons of emerald magic, it was all worth it and just an enriching experience every time we were together.

Even now, people come into the store and the first thing I notice is the guy’s butt or lack of. Yes, I’m an ass man. It’s all good though. Works for Billy Gunn, right? But then they come up close and I look at the eyes. All eyes are special and can give insight to how the person is feeling, their mood and generally what kind of person they are. The eyes tell all. Never forget that. But a pair of eyes that glow and have that twinkle, enriched by a contrast to the rest of the people, etc, those people get the best service and attention. I might even be nice. Nah, let’s not go that far. But the eyes are where it’s at. Give me sexy eyes and a hot, round ass and I’m a happy man. ‘Nuff said! And next…

Love in An Elevator…

I love the song by Aerosmith and the video, with midgets, Queen Kong and all sorts of craziness, is a true MTV classic. But unfortunately, I’ve never had the chance to make love in an elevator. First off, I hate elevators. I’m slightly claustrophobic and every ride in that moving metal box of doom makes me uneasy and slightly ill. I can do it if I have to, but I prefer stairs if possible. So getting in there with a special person and making whoopee just doesn’t appeal to me. I’ve done it on the stairs before with a friend and that was cool, but no elevators, no thank you. However, if a midget and a huge wrestler type of freakish woman is available and wants to take me on an elevator and treat me like it’s cold outside (hee hee), I’d be willing to give it a chance. I’m open minded and I’ll try anything twice. And now, finally…

Match Pockets…

We have all noticed that on most men’s jeans, there is a small pocket right above the right pocket. Why is this here? What is the purpose? My guess and remember, this is only a guess, is that back the 60’s and 70’s, people smoked… a lot. It was like a rite of passage and when a guy especially became an adult, they would usually start partaking in the addiction that is cigarettes. And since lighters were not common back then, at least not the cheap and disposable ones we have now, but instead bigger Zippo styles, people used matches. And they needed a place to put those matches that was easy to access, but where they wouldn’t get crushed up and damaged by the change and other crap that people carry in their pockets. So someone had the idea to create a fashionable little pocket just for the matches that each person was usually carrying. At least that’s my theory. Let’s see if I’m right.

Well damn, I’m way off. I googled and here’s what I found out. According to a woman named Renata Janoskova, citing Levi Strauss from their website, “Back in the 1800’s, cowboys used to wear their watches on chains and kept them in their waistcosts. To keep them from getting broken, Levis introduced this small pocket where they could keep their watch.”

So it’s for watches and not matches. Wow! The more you know. I use mine to store phone numbers and other scraps of paper that I don’t want to lose until I get home and can add those to my clutter on my desk. They’re also good for a couple of quarters if you’re going to an air machine or newspaper machine and of course, to store matches.

And I guess that’s all for today. My thanks for reading this. If you have to be outside today for any reason, be careful and safe. If you don’t have to go out, don’t. Baby, it’s cold outside. And wet. And it just plain sucks! Have a great one, stay safe and I’ll catch you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!

@00 @ 1 1 12 Days 5

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