12 Dougie Days Of Christmas – Day 9: War, Quotes & My Cousin Sean…

12 Dougie Days Of Christmas
Day 9: War, Quotes & My Cousin, Sean.
December 16, 2018
DougMaynard.com

Good morning and it’s Sunday, time for the eighth day of Christmas, Dougie style. I’ve only been awake for about 35 minutes. I decided to sleep in for change and catch that extra hour of sleep since there was no reason to have to get up early this morning. Of course, staying up until 4:30am to watch a documentary on how each episode of South Park is made in only six days might have had something to do with wanting to sleep in as well. Trey Parker and Matt Stone are sick and demented and twisted and all sorts of lovely, descriptive adjectives. If I hadn’t already decided to model my life after Kevin Smith (or have allowed him to model part of his life after me since I’m actually 4 years older), then I’d use Parker for my role model. That man is a total perv in every (good) sense of the word. I’ve always respected him and all of the South Park stuff (except for Kyle’s mom – she’s a bitch. I love that song!) But now, my respect has increased ten-fold. And BaseKetball was a good movie too. So was Orgazmo. Now what was I saying?

So I slept late and when I got up, I had a dozen straybies outside waiting for me and demanding food. For a bunch of furry little moochers who won’t even let me touch them, they sure are bossy as hell. So I fed them, fed my cat (Goldie), cleaned her litter box, took out the trash, brought in the paper, made my bed and got a load of laundry started. All in just a few short minutes. And then I came in here to the computer and realized that technically, I’m still one day behind on the whole “12 Dougie Days Of Christmas” blog series. I think I’ll be caught up when I finish this next one. Maybe or maybe not. But my point is, I realized that my loyal readers, both of you, might be anxiously waiting for the new piece and I need to get to stepping. So here I am and before I do anything else, I’m going to get to stepping and get this baby on the grid if you will.

Damn, that was a long intro and I really didn’t even say anything except for brag about how many chores and tasks I’ve already completed this morning. I also washed dishes from last night and checked my Grindr account. All I haven’t done yet is take a shower, but I want to wait until the washer is through so I will have plenty of hot water and can relax and enjoy the water, soap and steam as it all soothes my aching muscles and back. And I’m off topic again. My bad! Let me quit the chit chat and go to the Magic Bag so we can figure out what the topics for today, Day 9, will be and I can put this baby to bed. So are you ready? Let’s do this.

And the topics for today, as drawn from the infamous “Magic Bag” will be: War, Quotes and My Cousin, Sean. And now that we know what we’re talking about (yeah, right), let’s get to actually talking about it. And away we go…

War…

“War! Good God y’all. What is it good for. Absolutely nothing.” Remember that song, a protest song by Edwin Starr from 1970, that everyone has heard at some point in their lives. And it asks a great question. Except for defending yourself from invasion, what exactly is war good for? To take someone else’s property and land? To make someone believe and think as you do or else you kill them? To put the other people out of business? There have been and are still going on, so many wars over the history of our planet and 99.995% of them have been for stupid reasons. They can all be justified if one tries hard enough and I get the idea of fighting to keep your freedom and keep yourself and your family safe. It’s just sad that it’s even necessary and so common these days. Millions of people are killed each year and what for? Thousands of reasons, but are they truly more important than human lives?

I’m not a snowflake and I believe in protecting what’s mine and keeping my family and friends safe. And sometimes, that means fighting and battle and people getting hurt, maimed, their lives ruined or even worse. I get it and it’s what we call a necessary evil, but I just wish sometimes that there was another way to settle our differences and live together without the conflicts and hatred. Why can’t we just play checkers instead? Nah, maybe not. The best way to talk about war and say what needs to be said about it comes, in my mind, from a song. Not the Edwin Starr song, although that is a great song, but this one instead. I’ll just print the chorus from this classic song by Coven. It’s known as the “Ballad Of Billy Jack”, but was also called “One Tin Soldier”. And that’ll be ‘Nuff said!

Go ahead and hate your neighbor
Go ahead and cheat a friend
Do it in the name of Heaven
You can justify it in the end
There won’t be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgment day
On the bloody morning after who…
One tin soldier rides away…

And next…

Quotes…

I guess for this topic, I’ll just do a few quotes that matter to me and have a reason for being in my life, that I find inspiration and meaning in. I’ll do five of them and you can read them and maybe even take them to heart as I have. I won’t explain why they matter. You can figure that out for yourself and maybe in the process, learn more about me and yourself. Don’t you love it when I get all deep and thought provoking? Well, don’t worry about that here. I’ll keep ’em simple. And here we go…

“It’s your duty to shake your booty!”, – The Disco Inferno

“Oh, and Caitlin. Break his heart again this time, and I’ll kill ya. Nothing personal.” – Randall from the movie, “Clerks”

“Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?” – Captain Oever – “Airplane”

“Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.” – Hugh Prather

“Why so serious?” – Heath Ledger as the Joker in “Dark Knight”

And there you go. And finally…

My Cousin Sean…

I had to think on this one for a but when I picked it up out of the Magic Bag because I couldn’t remember what it means. Is it a movie title or a book? Hell, I don’t have a cousin named Sean that I know of. It’s possible that I do since between Mom and Dad, I had 21 aunts and uncles, most of who I barely knew and they all had kids so there might very well be a “Cousin Sean” out there. But I don’t know him and don’t really care anyways. But this one had me baffled and then I remembered where it came from and why I wrote it down to add to the bag. Let me fill you in.

I was at work one Saturday morning and we have these two loud women come in. They were in there to get what they needed to get “”f*cked up” that day (their words, not mine) and were back looking at the vodka, talking loudly and just being annoying, loud, obnoxious and did I say loud? A guy walked in and went across the store to get what he was wanting and he noticed the girls and started talking to one of them.

“Ain’t you… ?”, he was asking and the girl confirmed her identity and wanted to know who he was. He’s a friend of her cousin, Sean. He’s in town for the weekend and wants Sean to get up with him so they can hang out before he has to go back to wherever it was he was from. So they’re talking back and forth and all the guy is talking about is her cousin and blah, blah, blah. Long story short (too late), he gave her his phone number and asked her that if she talks to her cousin, Sean, to give him that number and have Sean get up with him. Then the guy leaves and the two girls come to the register to be checked out.

The girl, Sean’s cousin, who was talking with the boy is as loud as ever and talking to her friend. “He wants me! He just used Sean as an excuse and gave me this number!” And she is going on and on about how he just used her cousin as a reason to talk to her and her friend is egging her on, “you’re right girl!”. And I’m watching these two and listening and well, based on my observations and I saw and listened to the entire scene, the girl is freakin’ delusional as hell. First off, she was one butt-ugly heffer. I’m not one to talk about people and I guess there might be a kind of animal attraction there since she, based on her language and talk before the guy came in, likes to “get dick”. She looked like she was given a facial from the sap of the ugly tree and it was applied with a hot iron. Yeah, she was ugly. But she allegedly has a vagina and likes to share so what does the face of a seahorse matter, right? And where was I?

Oh yeah, she was going on and on about how the dude liked her and wanted her number and so on and so on. And he never once talked to her about anything, but her cousin Sean. The impression I got, and I’m obviously biased on this and think every guy is actually a closet homosexual (and around here, most of them are, thank goodness), was that he and Sean had a thing. The way he was talking about Sean and there was a change in tone and even a glow of sorts about this guy. Did I mention he was flaming more than that bush that Moses talked too back in the day? He made the fires that are happening out in California look like Christmas lights. He wanted to see Sean all right and it had absolutely nothing to do with that girl and her endearing charming ways and looks.

And that’s the story. He left and she thinks he wanted her. She and her friend left and I just laughed at them, amused by the whole scene I had just witnessed. I wonder though, did she ever give that phone number to her cousin, Sean and did they (the guy and Sean) ever get to hang out together? And is that gal still loud and dressed like a tramp? The answer to the last one is yes since she still comes into the store every so often. I see her and laugh to myself. As the the other questions, we’ll probably never know.

And I guess that’s all for now. It’s time to wrap this sucker up and go do some other things. I need a shower. So I’ll close with this final quote from legendary pro wrestler and lovable Nazi, Baron Von Raschke. “That is all de’ people need to know!”. Comment if you can. Questions, thoughts and anything else welcome. I’m out of here for now. Back tomorrow. Bye.

Ubuntu!

@00 @ 1 1 12 Days 5

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