10 Days Of Dougie – Day 5: Happy Endings, Rat Tails & Fake Fingernails…

10 Days Of Dougie – Day 5
Happy Endings, Rat Tails & Fake Fingernails
January 20, 2019
DougMaynard.com

Salutations and welcome to Day 5 of the infamous “10 Days Of Dougie”. I so planned on doing this earlier today. It was supposed to be wake up, do the “Days Of Dougie”, do a few Q&A’s and just spend the entire day in “creative mode”. Guess what didn’t happen? Well, I woke up early as planned, but then made the mistake of telling myself that it’s Sunday, the one day out of the week that I don’t have to be up early and that it would be okay to sleep in for an extra hour or so. That was mistake #1.

Then by the time I actually woke up, the other resident of this house was already awake and active. And talking. Damn, that woman can talk! And my cat was all loving and demanding of attention and even worse, out of treats. Oh no! So instead of sitting down and writing. I went to make up my bed and instead of just making it up or even better, going back to sleep, I decided to strip my bed and wash my sheets. I did this last weekend so it wasn’t really needed, but what the heck. I had plenty of clothes to be washed as well so instead of writing day, it’s laundry day. Four loads. And the whole time, I was being followed around and talked to, by both parental unit AND cat. So I decided to, while the clothes washed, make chili. And I did.

But the whole time I’m in the kitchen, browning my meat, slicing onions and gathering my ingredients and almost managing to relax, the cat was talking and complaining… constantly. And Ma, bless her heart, decided that she was going to make potato salad and started hovering around, gathering the things she needs and talking constantly at the same time and it was all about stuff that I know nothing about care, people I have no knowledge of and in general, just lots and lots of “I Don’t Care!”. Anyone who has ever been in our kitchen knows that we have no counter space and there isn’t much room, especially if someone is at the stove or sink. And I was there first, but now we have me trying to get my stuff done, Mom going back and forth and getting the things she needs and the cat, sitting over on the table and just complaining. And my nerves were instantly shot to hell. And I couldn’t say a word without pissing everyone off or hurting feelings. Oh vey!

I finally finished the chili, folded the second load of clothes, threw the third in the dryer and went to take a long, long shower. All I wanted to do was write and it just isn’t happening. I then, without a word to them, hollered across the room about going to go “put gas in thecar” and just left. A ride to see my brother for a couple of minutes and then to the Dollar General to get cat treats and a few minutes of people watchin in the parking lot and I was okay again.So back to the house to actually get to my writing, right?

Well, nope. Ma was still talking, telling me about a house that she’s decided my brother needs to move into (long story) and how my sister needs to do this and that and something about the neighbors and all I heard was “wawawawawawawawawa” like when adults talk in the Charlie Brown cartoons. I just said, “Okay” and went to my room for just a few minutes. I got on my phone and went online to look at some computers, both desktop and laptop. I think it’s time to update my equipment and get this site to the next level and so some more modern and updated computer stuff is essential. I think I found something I’m interested in. And then I went to sleep. And now, almost three hours later, I’m awake and at the computer and ready to try this again. She’s finally quit talking and is watching Fox News (very loudly). I got Goldie (my cat) treats when I was at Dollar General earlier so she’s content and happy and being lovable (and quiet). And here I am, just rambling and telling a story that went astray in the first paragraph. The short version (too late) is that it’s been a long day and my nerves were shot, but I’m doing better now.

And I’m going to play catch up with the “Days of Dougie” blog series. I’m not actually behind (yet), but given my habit of proscratinating and getting easily distracted (damn you, YouTube), I may as well be. So it’s Day 5 and I’m ready to go into the “Magic Bag” and pick out two topics. I usually pick out three, but I already have one subject in mind and a story to tell and that’ll be the first one for today. The first will be what I call, “A Happy Ending”. You’ll see what I mean once you read what happened. And the other two topics, fresh from the inner depths of the Magic Bag, are “Rat Tails” and “Fake Fingernails”. I’m already thinking of something for the first one, but the second? We’ll see what happens. So enough talking. It’s time to get this party going. Let’s do this…

Fake Fingernails…

How do women wear those things? They look like claws and talons, ready to rip a heart out. Maybe that’s the idea? But it just creeps me out when I see a woman with those long, sharp pointy blades protruding from her fingers, painted in all sorts of different colors, but usually in blood red. That’s just disturbing. And they can’t do anything. No typing or working a keyboard. No pushing buttons. Can you imagine them working in the food industry and trying to slice veggies or prepare a chicken with those meat hooks constantly getting in the way? And women pay big money to have these claws glued to the ends of their finger-tips. Why? I don’t get it and it’s just not right or natural to me. But to be honest, I don’t like long fingernails on anyone anyways. They get so dirty so easily and once you’ve been poked by the sharpness by someone just handing you money or giving you a handshake, it’s not a nice feeling. It’s unsanitary and disgusting and I just don’t like it. So guys, cut your nails. Women, keep your nails trimmed and forget about the Lee Press On’s and claws. Keep them short and natural, quit looking like a Harpie with fingers that look like color samples from True Value and quit ruining my life. Okay, that was lame. I have nothing else though so I’m moving on.

Rat Tails…

This one is cool because there was once a time that I, your humble friend and author, once had a rat tail. It was many years ago, twenty-two of them to be exact, and I was living in Wilmington. I was managing a store and pretty much living on my own for the first time and it was a great time. I met some incredible people during those days and have some great memories. But all of that is for future stories and this is about my rat tail. I don’t know why I decided to have one. I must have thought it was cool at the time and while I now cringe at the thought, it was pretty cool. It was halfway down my shoulders and I could wrap it aound my neck. I was the man!

At the time, two of the guys who worked in my store with me were kind of crazy and eccentric. In preparing for a trip to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, they decided to dye their hair. And so, Steven went from blonde to having hair that was purple and green. And Marshall went all green, including facial hair. And they did their dying of the hair at the store in between customers. And I was there and somehow, they managed to talk me into putting some color into my hair extension. So I did. First we did it blonde and that was okay. Then we did it green and I kept it like that for a few days. And lastly, because I was bored, I decided to dye it a hot pink. Yeah, I was flaming for a few days, but I didn’t care. It looked awesome. And then my boss came down to visit the store, took one look at his manager and my employees and well, he wasn’t happy. For not the first time, nor would it be the last, I think my job was in serious jeopardy. But he just bitched, told me that I needed to “fix it” and left and so I did. Marshall and Steve went to Mardi Gras and then, once they came back, went back to their normal hair. And I went back to my normal fuzzy, needing a haircut, self as well too. And then, probably about six months later, when I moved back to Laurinburg and came home, I decided to clip it and cut it off. Ma saved it for a while and for all I know, it’s liable to still be here in a book or box somewhere. Who knows. I wonder if I could grow a new rat tail? What would it look like? Nah, maybe not. I was young and crazy then so it was okay, but now I’m getting older and while still crazy, it’s better to pick my spots. My current boss man would have a fit. No, he’d have jokes. Lots and lots of them. Better to just let it slide. Let’s move on.

Happy Endings…

A few weeks ago, sometime between the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, we had a situation happen at the store where I work. It was myself and one of my coworkers there and we had a woman come into the store and ask if we could help her. Well first, she asked for a box and then explained why. While she was having lunch at Mi Casita, a restaurant roughly a hundred or so yards away from our store, it seems that a cat had climbed up into her engine. She could hear the meowing and crying and pulled over as soon as she realized what the sounds were that she was hearing. So she popped the hood to her car and tried to find / get the cat out.

Did I say cat? It was a tiny kitten that couldn’t have been more than a couple of months old at best. You could hear it, but when she tried to reach and grab it, it shot up into a place above the tires where no one could reach or see it. We could hear it, but nothing else. First Danny, my coworker and then I took turns trying to lure the kitten and get him out, but to no avail. He would make noise and meow, but until he decided to come out on his own, he was pretty much in there for the duration.

The woman was obviously stressing and so were Danny and I. If left inside the motor, it was pretty much a sure thing that he would end up getting hurt or worse, but what could we do. We stayed out there, alternating on waiting on customers and trying to rescue the kitten, for nearly half an hour. Finally, the woman gave up and said that she was headed across the road to Scotland Crossing Shopping Center and would try again to get the kitten out over there. Maybe if he had a couple of minutes and roughly 1/2 mile of riding, he would be inclined to come out. She took the box we gave her and left, heading over to Belks.

Well, that woman came back into the store yesterday afternoon and she had news for me and Danny. After she went over to Belks, she popped her hood, giving it a little time so the kitten would relax and think he was safe. He was still there, but coming out and she managed to grab him and get him into the box we had given her. And then what?

She did what me or Danny would have done if the kitten had been captured at the store. She took him home and adopted him. She told me the name they gave him, but I can’t remember it right now. Sorry. But the kitten calmed down pretty quickly once she got him to her home and from the way she described it, he’s pretty much taken over the place (as cats tend to do). She has two dogs (rescues) and said that the kitten and the dogs have become very close and are constantly playing together. She even showed me a picture of the kitten and one of her dogs sleeping next to each other. It was pretty cool.

So the kitten, who climbed up into a motor and was whisked away from his home as a stray in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant, has found a forever home and two friends of the canine persuasion. That bit of news made my day and I was so glad to hear it. To hear this woman talk of the kitten, who’s name is Pancho… I just remembered, it’s obvious that this kitten has stolen her heart. Sometimes, things do work out well and have a happy ending.

And there you go. I think I have some Q&A’s to tackle so I’m out of here for now. My thanks for reading. Thoughts, comments and any questions welcome. I’ll see you later. Have a great night.

Ubuntu!

@00 @ 1 a turtle meme

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