10 Days Of Dougie – Day 9
Paying With Change, Monkeys and Trust & Consequences
January 31, 2019
DougMaynard.com

Welcome to Day 9 out of 10. It’s actually more like Day 12 or 13 since I had a few days of “FTW” and didn’t do all that much, but I’m getting better and back on track and hopefully with today and tomorrow, we can put this baby to bed and move on to other fun stuff. So should I ramble for a bit or just get straight to the “Magic Bag” and the topics for today’s discussion. Let’s get right to work and if I have time when I finish this, I may do a rambling “Notes To Myself” piece. Probably not as I look at the clock. Hell, I’ll be doing good to get this written and finished before I have to head out and go to work. I guess I shouldn’t have taken the extra time this morning to watch the birds outside, watch the cats outside stalking the birds and doing the daydreaming thing about someone who used to mean a lot to me, but is now out of my life (good riddance) but I still miss him. I hate being freakin’ single. *sighs* Let’s get the Magic Bag. And (drum roll please), today’s topics are: Paying With Change, Monkeys and Trust & Consequences. This probably won’t take too long after all. Let’s do this…

Paying With Change…

As a cashier, it can be pretty annoying when you’re ringing up a sale and the customer doesn’t pull out cash money or use a credit card, but instead dumps a load of change on the counter. Then one of two things happens. They look at you with a blank expression and you realize that they want you to count it out or they start trying to count it out and you realize that the current school systems have made math an afterthought or more likely given it no thought and without a computer or calculator, these people can’t count. Either way, I take over, count out what we need to finish up the sale and do just that, conclude the transaction. It can be annoying, but you know what? I don’t mind. It’s money and money is our friend. Cash, change, cards, etc, so long as it’s valid U.S. currency and pays for whatever the person is buying, we’re good. Yes, if a person comes in five minutes before closing and dumps a load of nickles and dimes on me, I will give them “the eye” because I’ll have to count that crap when we close up for the night and I check my register out, but if it’s early in the day and I have time to work through some of the change, it’s not a big deal. So just bring it. ‘Nuff said!

Trust & Consequences…

This one is pretty simple too. If you lie to me or try to take advantage of me and I can’t trust you, there will be consequences. I may not totally cut you off from my life, but that is a possible option to consider. I will instead act accordingly and play it by ear and when the strings do end up being cut, just remember, you gave me the scissors. If I can’t trust you, I don’t need you. Period!

And finally…

Monkeys…

I guess I shouldn’t start off with any comments about Valerie Jarrett, should I? Well, look at the pictures of Zira from the movie “Planet of the Apes”. Look at Jarrett. They have the same hairdresser. Roseanne wasn’t being racist. She was just being observant and telling the truth.

So what can I say about monkeys? They’re cute and adorable,but they’re also moody, rude, ass-clowns and like to throw poop. Sounds like a class at the local high school actually. People say that they want pet monkeys and while I can see the coolness with that, I can see some not so good there too. Remember the chimp who pretty much ripped off a woman’s face a few years ago? So that’s what happened to Kathy Griffin. Ooops. Wrong person. She just looks like her face was gnawed on by a chimp. My bad!

So what was I saying? Monkeys. If your name is Tarzan and you run around wearing a loincloth and chilling with a young boy named “Boy”, then a monkey would be a good pet. Or if your name is “George” and you look like Brandon Fraiser. Hey Brandon, call me. Then a monkey as a buddy and pet and best friend might be cool there too. But for the average person, it sounds better than it actually would be. Picture a toddler child with permanent attitude mixed with hyperactivity and an affinity for throwing poop and ripping off your face. Or just picture that kid from the TV show “Different Strokes”. Whatchu talking ’bout, Willis?. Same difference. You don’t want a monkey. Watch them on TV or go see them at the zoo and it’s cool. But as a pet, three words for you. “Don’t Do Dat!”

And now that I’m pretty sure I’ve offended someone and will probably lose my TV show and career as a stand-up comic, I think it’s time to close. Today was short, but so are many other things we love and enjoy. I wonder what Danny is doing? My thanks for reading. I’ve got to go get ready for work now. Send me any thoughts, comments or questions. Have a great one and if you have to be out today, stay warm. Love ya – mean it.

Ubuntu!