5 Questions: In Living Color, Vampires, SNL & More…

Tossing Salt Presents:
5 Questions
In Living Color, Vampires, SNL & More
April 14, 2019
DougMaynard.com

People like to ask questions. I like to answer them, five at a time. Let’s do this…

Kill, Screw Or Marry: Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

This is a rough one but I’ll give it a shot. Kill would be Mad Maxine because she’s old, stupid, a waste of human space and just plain gets on my nerves. Impeach her ass with a 45. Just kidding. Don’t call the Feds on me. That’s a joke. Really…  As for screw and marriage, I’d screw AOC because she’s a crazy chick and crazies are the best sex ever. And she’s also a former bartender so she can make me drinks while I rock her world. And marry would be Nancy because she’s rich, almost thirty years older than I am and so busy all the time screwing up the country, I’d rarely have to see her. I could just live in her house, spend her money and use her for my own personal “beard”. Her district includes San Francisco so I’m sure she’s seen plenty of loveless marriages where the gay guy is there for the money and fringe benefits, but despises “the wife”. There you go.

What is the best and what is the worst thing about your life?

The best thing is that I’m still alive, in relatively good health, have a good job, a home, food on my table and some decent people around me. I also have an outlet to express myself and unleash my inner demons upon. The worst thing is that when push comes to shove, I’m alone. I have no one close that I can truly just be myself with or be around when I need a friend without a catch. Every day is a fight to overcome the anxiety and depression and so I just go through the motions. A life of tears, fake smiles and lots of “I’m okay” when in truth, I’m anything but.

The original cast of “In Living Color” are supposedly reuniting for a movie. Good idea or not?

A tv show like In Living Color, could never exist in today’s politically correct world and every sketch would get protests and calls for boycotts. A movie, three hours of the best characters from the show, with the original cast, is probably the only way this extremely talented group of people could ever get back together and do their thing as they did in the past. I’m very happy for the Wayan family and the rest of the cast for this happening and I’m also very excited. I have a strong idea that, if the movie companies and censors keep their hands off the product, we will have a comedy classic on our hands. I’m definitely ready for that.

Who is your favorite vampire not named Dracula?

There are many greats to choose from like Lestat, Louis and David from the Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice, Spike and Angel from the Buffy series, Hannibal King from the comic books, Gangrel from the WWE, etc. And we can’t forget David and the others from “The Lost Boys”. But as great as all of these are, and with all apologies to Lestat, who I’m sure will be crushed that he’s not my choice, there is only one true vampire that earns the ranking of my favorite and that would be Barnabas Collins from the series, Dark Shadows.

If you were invited to host SNL, would you do it?

I wouldn’t be thrilled about having to travel to New York, but absolutely. They’re not as funny as they once were, but it’s still an American institution and would be a great honor to ever be a part of this show and to go in front of that crowd and utter those magic words, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday night!” Hey Lorne Michaels, sign me up!

And there you go. Questions, comments and any other thoughts, drop me a line. Thanks for reading. And until the next time, take care and have a great one. I loves ya!

Ubuntu!

@00 1 1 10 a a afive

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