A Day of Dougie
Couch Forts, The Horsemen & Eulogy
April 15, 2019
So, have you paid your taxes yet? Today is the day that Irwin R. Schyster will come knocking at your door and stalking your every move. Never forget to pay those taxes. After all, someone needs to support the illegals living in the Sanctuary Cities and states, right? Welcome to a very special “Day of Dougie”. I’m your host with the most, Doug, the man behind the plan that is DougMaynard.com. I have a few minutes to kill before I head out to work and a lovely eleven hour day of selling booze, laughing at old jokes and providing customer service to the masses. I’d rather be down in SC providing service to a sexy beast, but responsibilities come first and here we are. I figure that while I’ve got a few minutes, I can do a very quick version of the “Day of Dougie” series, the theme of which is anything goes. I choose the topic or topics that I’m writing about by reaching into the so-called “Magic Bag” and drawing out scraps of paper randomly, each of which have a word or subject written on them. I draw out the subject and that’s what I’m writing about. And when I say that it could be anything, believe me, I’m not joking around in the slightest.
So let’s reach for the Magic Bag, dust if off a bit since it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these pieces and then see what we have to work with. And the topics for today are (drumroll please): Couch Forts, The Horsemen and Eulogy. Sounds like a lot of fun, right? I told you this could get kind of random at times and what more random three topics can you find than these? So let’s do this, shall we? And away we go…
What kid hasn’t done this at some point. Use the cushions from the couch and chairs in the living room or maybe some chairs and a blanket and created a small fort to play and hide in? We all have at one time or another and it was one of the cool things about being a child that something so simple could be so cool and fun. I actually don’t know if little girls were as bad about this as the little boys were, but I think all children enjoyed the small confined area that they could play in, hide in, get a little privacy in and let their imagination run wild in. Today, the same little boys still do the same thing as grown-ups, but it’s called a “Man Cave” instead. I can’t really think of anything else to say about couch forts except for that most couches today are more sectional and one-piece deals and can’t be made into forts quite as easy, but so long as there are blankets, covers, chairs and imagination, the couch forts will live on forever. ‘Nuff said!
There are two groups of beings known as The Horsemen. The original, from the Bible, are the famed Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse. A group destined to bring destruction to the world and it consists of Famine, Death, War and Conquest. But while these beings of the mythical sense are important, the Horsemen I know and care for most are from the world of professional wrestling and were formed in the mid-80’s in the Mid-Atlantic territory. This was the group of wrestlers consisting of Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, Ole Anderson and “Nature Boy” Ric Flair. Led by the manager, James J. Dillon, this group of wrestlers changed and evolved and dominated the world of professional wrestling until finally disbanding for good many years later in the mid-90’s.
Many people wore the banner and wrestled under the banner of The Horsemen. Men like the original five members and then Barry Windham, Lex Luger, Sting, Brian Pillman, Chris Benoit, Steve McMichael, Jeff Jarrett, Paul Roma, Sid Vicious & Dean Malenko. Did I forget anyone? Oh yeah, Curt Hennig. And they had managers and advisors and valets such as Woman, Miss Elizabeth, Debra McMichael, Baby Doll. There were associates such as David Flair and Kendall Windham. The borttom line though was that for professional wrestling, for over a decade, the Horsemen was the faction that mattered most and dominated WCW and the NWA. The best of the best, period. Other groups have come and gone since the heyday of Arn, Ric and the others, but even for most of those wrestlers, when asked who the very best and the original “wrestling gang” was, the only true way to answer is to hold four fingers in the air in the “sign of excellence”. And they were. Diamonds are forever and so are the legacies of this group. So are the Four Horsemen.
The actual piece of paper said “Eulogy for My Funeral” and that’s not really something anyone likes to think about. But I guess if you want to get the record straight at your funeral and have any kind of say about what will and will not be said about you by your friends, family and associates, it’s good to give a basic guideline for everyone to follow if you can.
So what would I want said about me at my funeral? A mention that I love wrestling and writing and maybe a quick plug for the website that bears my name would be good. Yeah, it’s all about promoting the site, even in death, right? And if I’m involved in anything else at the time of my passing, like SMF Cyberspace or the Food Bank, give them a plug too. I guess my dark and twisted sense of humor could be touched upon since it’s one of my most endearing qualities. Talk about how I worked in customer service for most of my life and actually like people, but could be a bit stubborn and defiant at times as well. And hell, I don’t know what else. I love cats, Alice Cooper and to read. Writing is my life and that’s important. And my love of comics is pretty big too, but I don’t know if that’s important or not. I guess the main thing would be to get across that while I could be moody and distant at times, I love my friends and family. And all in all, I was a sexy-beast who gave a damn. Anything else, that would have to come from everyone else, but I think I’ve got the basics covered here. Hell, what will I care anyway. If we’re talking about my eulogy, I’ll be having departed the mortal coil anyways and won’t have a clue about what’s going on. People will say and think what they will and no matter what, what they say and think about me is not up to me. I just hope that mainly, once I have departed this life, many many years from now by the way, people will think of me, smile a bit and maybe laugh and go “he was cool!”. That’s really all that matters.
And with that, I’m through here. I have to go brush my teeth and go to work. The liquor store awaits. So thanks for reading. Thoughts, comments and any questions welcome. Until the next time, stay safe and have a great one. I loves ya.