A Day Of Dougie: Rapid Fire Edition (American Idol, Shrill, Fuzzy Handcuffs & More)

A Day Of Dougie
Rapid Fire Edition
May 10, 2019
DougMaynard.com

Welcome to another great ‘Day of Dougie’ and as they used to say for the gut-wrenching TV shows a few years ago (and probably still do), a very special edition of the Days of Dougie. I want to switch things up from the regular DoD blogs. “How?”, you ask. Well the normal (Normal? I made a joke… lol) DoD pieces consist of my reaching into the “Magic Bag”, an old Crown Royal bag filled with hundreds of scraps of paper with a single word or topic written on them. I draw out a topic and just start writing. It’s no prep or warning and the topics of discussion could literally be anything at all. It’s just here’s the subject and go. It’s a fun writing exercise and can get rather good at times.

But the time has come to change it up and rather than my usual “draw out three topics, heavily sigh and then write about those subjects”, I’m going fast and furious. It’s going to be more topics and less words, something I know many of you are glad to hear. It’ll be pull out a topic, two or three lines about the topic at the maximum and then move on to the next. I noticed the other morning when I was adding over two hundred new topics to the bag that it was getting full. Some of those topics and scraps have been in there for nearly four years and I realized that I need to get busy and knock a few more of them out, ASAP. And so we have this. Instead of the usual three, I hope to get as many as 8 to 10 topics covered. It should be fun. I have 25 minutes to play with so let’s get busy and do this. So are you ready? And away we go…

Trouble Makers

There is one in every crowd and they suck. Most people, myself included, have enough anxiety and problems in their lives. There is no reason to look for more. And people that seek it out and like to stir the pot, get thee away Satan. You just a punk and ain’t shit. ‘Nuff said!

American Idol

It used to be a good show and fun to watch, but honestly, I haven’t watched it in a couple of years now. I’m sure the singers and talent is just as good, but that season of Niki Minaj and Mariah turned me off so much, I left and never went back. Bring back Steven Tyler, J-Lo and Randy and I’ll be back watching. Until then, not so much.

Black & Mild

The first thing that comes to mind when I see this is the small cigar, the Black & Milds, that we used to sell at Nic’s Pic. They still do, but I’m not there anymore. I used to work with an older man, Jim, who smoked them like others do cigarettes. This was in McColl, SC at the Nic’s Pic way back in 90 – 91 and I don’t think he’s still living. He was older then, but he was a good dude. And when I smell the distinct smell of a Black & Mild, I can always see him standing there making a smart-ass comment and smirking. RIP Jim.

Sister Mary Elephant

A classic bit from Cheech and Chong in the 70’s about a substitute teacher by the name of, you guessed it, Sister Mary Elephant. The class was wild and unruly and one person even had to go to the can, man. And they’d get louder and louder and more wild and then she’s ask them to please calm themselves in a subtle and distinct manner. Go find this bit on YouTube. It’s Cheech and Chong at their very best. I wonder if some of those students ever did finish that essay? SHUT UP!

No Shirts, No Shoes, No Service

We’ve all seen that sign in stores and restaurants where before you come in to buy something, you had to put the shoes back on and slip on the shirt and be semi-presentable. And I get it. I really do, but I always had a different moto when I was working. If you’re a cute guy, I don’t care about shoes and leave the shirt off and give me a show. And if you really want to take it to the extreme, try “No pants”. I can assure you that you’ll never find any better service anywhere. I’ll rock your world.

Reverse Discrimination

This is where it’s the white person being treated unfairly because they’re not a minority. Yes, it does happen and far more frequently than one would imagine. With a world of quotas, political correctness and everyone scared to offend anyone of color, what happens if you’re not of color? You’re at the bottom of the totem pole and damn you for existing with the whole white privilege thing going on. White privilege is a lie. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s not as frequent as one might guess. But discrimination against people for being white? I see and feel it every day. How about everyone just wise up and treat skin color and religion and all the labels as just what they are. Labels. No one is better because of their race. It’s character that matters and how you treat others and conduct yourself. Anything else is just a waste of time, energy and space. Indeed!

Shrill

A high pitched voice or noise that cuts right through you and makes your whole body tense up and shake. I hate people with voices like these. I know people with voices like these. And even though they seem to be the nicest people in the world at times, I can’t stand a high pitched, screeching shrill voice and try to talk with them as little as possible. But then again, I do that to all people so no big deal, right. It’s like, “don’t talk, just point!”. My ears hurt so shut the hell up. ‘Nuff said!

St. Andrews

The local college and one of my favorite places to relax and enjoy. I used to party there back in the day and if those walls could talk, it wouldn’t be pretty. And now, I just go there to sit by the lake, feed the ducks and watch the students go back and forth. I also see many of the students regularly at my place of employment. College students like the liquor store. Go figure. It’s a great school with some beautiful area and some great people. It’s also the home of Quacky Joe. I’ll tell you about him sometime. Just an awesome place in the world of Dougie.

Fuzzy Handcuffs

I like them. They’re cute and they don’t cut into your wrists as badly as the regular handcuffs do. I wouldn’t mind being handcuffed right now, for the right guy of course. Every relationship should include a set of fuzzy handcuffs at some point. Otherwise, you’re not doing it right. Just saying.

And finally…

Music

Music is good. Music is the magic that keeps the soul happy and inspired. I listen to all types of music and it doesn’t matter if it’s rock, country, jazz, blues, swing, metal or even the occasional rap (not mumble rap, but actual words and lyrics that matter), and if it’s good, I’m happy. If it sucks, I’m not. And that’s what makes the world go round. Music is an essential in life. Good stuff to the max.

And there you go. I’m through for now. I still have to finish getting ready for work and took longer on this than I planned. Have a great one and any thoughts, comments or questions are welcome. I’m down and gone. See you later, Alligators. Love ya- mean it.

Ubuntu!

action adult dance dancer
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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